AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

He sounds gross.

I’d rather have 10 cats and dress head to toe in purple than have standards this low.

Well I think you sound awesome, OP 😍

I'm sorry you've had such a shitty experience with this bloke. I had plenty of losers too. I don't think I realised at the time that I was lonely. At least you do!

Can I recommend small music festivals as a place to meet someone and make friends? Find one in a lovely place that features your favourite music. That narrows things down to people with similar tastes, which is important. And the thing about a festival is that you can just wander around, get into chats with all sorts of people, wander off if you want to, get lost in the crowd, zoom in again to something/someone that catches your interest.

How fucking grim. How old are your children OP, why would they find them?

Well technically it is different to not using one. The inside and outside of a condom are covered in spermicide. Hopefully.

Second all of this. You’re just out of a 25 year relationship (not in your OP) so no wonder you feel a bit raw and not understanding certain things. Don’t be so hard on yourself. But please don’t accept nasty behaviour. There are decent guys out there, I’m dating one aged 51 and my DB at 52 well he’s married but he’s lovely. Have faith.

OP this is NOT your fault. Please don’t tell yourself that.
Also as a poster above said, if you don’t feel absolutely fantastic, he’s not making you feel good, which is another very good reason to kick him to the kerb.
Onwards and upwards - I wish you all the best.

You didn’t offend me.

You can discuss it with us here. Feel free to pm me if you’d like a personal chat.

This comment means he’s not making you feel great, that’s sad given you’re in the early stages and also it means you’re not ready for a relationship yet, you need to work on your self esteem so you attract nice men who appreciate you. Good luck, I’m sorry this has happened to you.

@Slv199 regarding peeing after, the reason women sometimes get a UTI after sex is in part due to the urethra being very short. During sex, even though it’s a tiny hole, some bacteria can end up in the urethra. My GP explained this is why sometimes Cystitis is called ‘honeymooner’s disease’ (or used to be). Anyway, a quick pee after sex will help flush out anything that did work its way in.

Every bloke I’ve used a condom with has taken great pains to hold it in place while withdrawing.

sorry for the graphic description …

OP, this is the only thing anyone has been saying to you. The responses you've been getting have been due to your own.

I truly feel awful for you - you've been treated abysmally and no one deserves that. Why don't you start a thread in Relationships asking for red flags in dating to look out for? Explain this kind of thing you've been through, explain your position, and I'm sure people will be more than willing to help.

Just don't shoot the messenger. It's frustrating when women are looking out for other women and getting snide responses. If you want support you absolutely will get it, but you've got to be open to listen.

I really do wish you all the best. I'm sorry you had to experience what you did - it's not normal, and you should never feel wrong for stating a boundary in regards to your own body.

yep

I don’t agree about this thread being a reflection on the OP as a person. I think a thread that takes off like this can be overwhelming, there are some very judgemental comments early on, and then the OP feels ‘got at’ and interprets everything in the worst light.

There is some good advice here OP and support but you will probably be able to see that better on another day.

Yeah, this.

None of us have said our partners are "perfect", those that have mentioned their partners have either referred to them as respectful, having waited for someone who wouldn't behave like this, or as also shocked (as my DH was when I asked him if he'd ever heard of this).

@Slv199 you deserve more. I don't know why you're getting so aggressive towards people who are telling you to value yourself and build a life for you and not just desperately searching for a man to fill it, but please listen to those messages. You deserve to be happy and treated with respect and love.

Even if it came off accidentally, he will have known. The fact it wasn't on his penis when he withdrew would have told him that. Maybe he thought the condom fairy took it away? The fact he knew and didn't say anything is just awful. I'm pleased the first test is negative OP. Hopefully the STI tests will be negative too.

I absolutely agree and I empathise with her for it, but her reactions on this thread speak volumes. People are trying to help her, some are giving tougher love than others, but she's responding to everyone who isn't coddling her as though they're outright insulting her. And now she's throwing a pity party because posters are calling her out on it.

Also ETA: neither am I. I don't think anyone is; he was in the wrong. But she's leaving herself open to some very dangerous situations and not taking accountability, then attacking posters for highlighting the need for safety.

Yes, and @Slv199 please don't defend him with the comment about MNers perfect partners. 🙄 People are suitably shocked by his behaviour and it is difficult for the average person to understand how you could put up with his dreadfully disrespectful conduct. It really is textbook misogyny. I think we're all glad you've ended it.

I think she has very little idea of how she should be treated and also not much knowledge of relevant information. It's not a moral failing but she's leaving herself open to being treated like dirt, like this arsehole who thinks she's a human bathroom bin.

ETA: To be clear, I'm not blaming her for any of this.

Yes! Even the fluffiest dressing gowns and slippers in the world don't cut it, but needs must! 🤣

Leaving it inside you is treating you like the bin. Get rid of him.

I'm beginning to understand why OP may not have any friends, as she mentions earlier in her comments. I also don't think her being single has anything to do with her appearance as she also says.

It's because she can't take responsibility, self reflect, and becomes defensive at the slightest sniff that she's being called out for being wrong. No one wants to be friends with someone constantly in pity party victim mode.