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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

413 replies

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 10:35

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

OP posts:
Stressmummy12 · 08/06/2026 23:24

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 13:07

Yes, that’s right. I have no self respect. I let him do it.

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Im
sorry but you need to get a grip with these comments in response. It is common sense that he is doing the wrong thing and shouldn’t be behaving this way and whether you were fat, thin, ugly, the most beautiful person on earth you still don’t allow men to treat you this way. Put some love, effort and self worth back into yourself instead of pity and work on you before sleeping with rats

Moonformonday · 08/06/2026 23:19

Sorry you are getting such a hard time with these vile responses OP.
You haven’t done anything wrong and you are getting rid of the loser.
I really hope that you meet a good guy soon who will treat you well 💐

Beachtastic · 08/06/2026 23:12

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 08/06/2026 19:44

Good idea re music festivals.

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Well it's how I met my DH when I was old and fat and ugly and had no friends!

I just started taking a tent on my own. Soon met loads of people and had lots of fun. Met him about 3 years into it.

OP has a wicked sense of humour, and is more likely to find like-minded folk somewhere like that.

Good luck OP!

ruethewhirl · 08/06/2026 22:58

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 22:16

I have been commenting about safe sex... why do you have an issue with that?

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I don't. It's the name-calling I think is objectionable, as I think you are perfectly well aware. Calling someone naive, asking if they're 15, telling them to grow up and criticising their parenting isn't 'commenting about safe sex'.

Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:55

BigBruisedFruit · 08/06/2026 21:49

But what about friends? Family? Why do you need some awful man constantly around to not feel lonely?

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I never said that I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:54

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 22:00

Also worrying as the OP has two 12 and 15 year old kids who clearly haven't had or may not have the best knowledge of sexual activity and safety passed down.

Edited
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I’ll be sure to tell my son and daughter that you can get UTIs from sex. I will also ensure that my daughter knows about stealthing and my son knows about the correct disposal of condoms.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:51

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 22:16

I have been commenting about safe sex... why do you have an issue with that?

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I thought I was having safe sex. I’m using a condom and a coil. I foolishly didn’t expect the condom to be removed/come off during sex. I didn’t know that was a thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:48

Franjipanl8r · 08/06/2026 22:44

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Once could be excused as an accident but twice seems to be more intentional. Don’t let this put you off meeting other men.

It won’t put me off meeting other men only having sex with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:48

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 08/06/2026 21:46

OP your lack of accountability for your own sexual health and your bizarrely passive aggressive responses to posters who are giving you completely correct and very good advice (such as urinate after sex to prevent UTIs) is quite worrying for an adult woman. I would caution you against sleeping with this man again but before your next relationship/situationship/one night stand/whatever, please consider doing some reading about your own sexual health and self esteem and try to raise the bar. You definitely don’t need a man, but you do need to educate yourself and stay safe!

I thought I was being safe, insisting he wore a condom. It appears that’s not enough. You need to be vigilant the whole time you are having sex in case he takes it off.

I apologise to the person with the UTI advice, I will heed it in future. Humour is my defence mechanism and I felt I needed it today.

I doubt I’ll have sex again anyway. I’m getting a bit old for it and I don’t think I’ll want to do it anytime in the near future.

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 08/06/2026 22:44

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Once could be excused as an accident but twice seems to be more intentional. Don’t let this put you off meeting other men.

Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:42

SquirrelGG · 08/06/2026 21:41

I agree. I really don't understand this attitude some women have where they must have a partner, and anyone will do rather than no-one at all because they can't possibly not have one.

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That’s not the case here. He was fine when we were first together. We got on really well and messaged for hours. It’s only more recently since we’ve been having sex it’s been an issue and I will be ending it. I won’t be rushing into something with anyone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:39

Cakencookieobsessed · 08/06/2026 21:31

You are also responsible for your own sexual health alongside what everyone else has said against him on this thread. I don't know how you're finding condoms inside you. That isn't normal.

Well twice after I’ve had sex I’ve been to the toilet and wiped myself and there they are. He’s not made sure it’s still on his dick when he’s withdrawn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:36

SatsumaDog · 08/06/2026 21:01

Yuck. At worst he’s gross and has absolutely no respect for you. At worst he’s abusing you. How can you have this man around your children?

Dump him and get a tested.

This man isn’t around my children. They have never met each other and never will. He’s only been in the house when they aren’t here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:35

cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · 08/06/2026 20:51

Cats, purple, wine, cheese and books. Don't threaten me with a good time indeed!

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I’m sorry for the cats and purple thing. It’s just an expression that is used.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slv199 · 08/06/2026 22:34

Coconutter24 · 08/06/2026 20:43

What is the difference between 3/4 times and 3/4 occasions?

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Having sex more than one time on an occasion. So the number of times you have sex is greater or equal to the number of occasions. Maybe occasion is the wrong word but the only other one I could think of was session but that sounded sordid.

OP posts:
YourWinter · 08/06/2026 22:25

Wellshellsbells · 08/06/2026 15:19

Seriously? What the actual fuck ? Op has only had sex with him a few times. It’s not like she saw a homeless junkie and thought I’ll shag him!
the judgement on this post for a woman who has done nothing wrong is astounding.
i had a man leave a condom in me and not tell me before.i didn’t know for two days !

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OP said that on other occasions he left his used, discarded condom in her bed. Disgusting, disrespectful, dirty. That makes him a mucky freak by my reckoning and he would not have had a further opportunity to get into my bed.

I’m heartened to read that OP is not going to tolerate such behaviour again.

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 22:16

ruethewhirl · 08/06/2026 22:11

You have been on at OP throughout this thread with nothing but criticism and put-downs. Why?

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I have been commenting about safe sex... why do you have an issue with that?

ruethewhirl · 08/06/2026 22:11

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 22:00

Also worrying as the OP has two 12 and 15 year old kids who clearly haven't had or may not have the best knowledge of sexual activity and safety passed down.

Edited
Show quote history

You have been on at OP throughout this thread with nothing but criticism and put-downs. Why?

Booboobagins · 08/06/2026 22:01

ofcolitas · 08/06/2026 10:36

Thats fucking gross. A dumpable offence if ever I heard of one.

I agree with ofcolitas, I'd be dumping the f out of him. How disgusting. Who does he think he is? Who/what does he think you are?

BudgetBuster · 08/06/2026 22:00

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 08/06/2026 21:46

OP your lack of accountability for your own sexual health and your bizarrely passive aggressive responses to posters who are giving you completely correct and very good advice (such as urinate after sex to prevent UTIs) is quite worrying for an adult woman. I would caution you against sleeping with this man again but before your next relationship/situationship/one night stand/whatever, please consider doing some reading about your own sexual health and self esteem and try to raise the bar. You definitely don’t need a man, but you do need to educate yourself and stay safe!

Also worrying as the OP has two 12 and 15 year old kids who clearly haven't had or may not have the best knowledge of sexual activity and safety passed down.

Frostynoman · 08/06/2026 21:58

So grim and so disrespectful

BigBruisedFruit · 08/06/2026 21:49

Slv199 · 08/06/2026 16:35

It’s the loneliness that’s the killer…

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But what about friends? Family? Why do you need some awful man constantly around to not feel lonely?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/06/2026 21:48

please don’t second guess yourself, if something feels off just speak up. Who cares what the etiquette is - if he’s a good boyfriend he’d care about your health and comfort

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 08/06/2026 21:46

OP your lack of accountability for your own sexual health and your bizarrely passive aggressive responses to posters who are giving you completely correct and very good advice (such as urinate after sex to prevent UTIs) is quite worrying for an adult woman. I would caution you against sleeping with this man again but before your next relationship/situationship/one night stand/whatever, please consider doing some reading about your own sexual health and self esteem and try to raise the bar. You definitely don’t need a man, but you do need to educate yourself and stay safe!

Loloblue · 08/06/2026 21:44

This is fucking gross. Bin!