AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

if a condom is "left inside "you thats a condom failure and you have had unprotected sex and risk pregnancy.
Condom in the bed, is not the way to dispose of used condoms.
He sounds like an absolute pig....

What the hell have I just read?
Leaves them inside of you 😳 eurgh, get rid of him.

He's grim. Of course he takes it off, puts it in the bathroom bin (in the wrapper) and cleans himself up before coming back to bed. What the hell leaving in it the bed is gross, just leaving it inside you is just irresponsible. How is it coming off inside you anyway, is he a little small in that area and he's wearing a size too big? I have never in my 20 odd years of having sex and using condoms for probably half of that time had one come off inside me, not once!

I'd throw him back.

Better to be old, fat and ugly surrounded by cats and purple outfits over old, fat, ugly, full of STDs and exhausted from a newborn baby

No, of course you're absolutely not being unreasonable to expect any / all of those things and I'm sorry that they've happened to you.

From a male perspective, it is possible that it came off during the deed without him realising, especially if his penis was wet / lubricated before he put the condom on. I have had that happen to me, but I'm also distinctly average in size and it sounds like he might not be.

However, he would / should have noticed immediately after withdrawing (at the absolute latest) and that's when he should have drawn it to your attention if that was the case.

It's possible that whilst he had it on for the duration of the act and whilst withdrawing from you, he effectively withdrew himself from the condom, whilst you kept hold of it (for want of a better description). This happened to me after my second sexual experience a VERY long time ago, and meant I swiftly learned to put my fingers around the base of the condom whilst withdrawing.

So, whilst it is possible that any / all of these could be entirely innocent, it is also possible that they're not.

Sorry and I hope that any and all tests turn out to be negative and that you're able to process this experience without difficulty and treat yourself with more kindness than some of your fellow Mumsnetters have.

No no no no, it’s not you, it’s him. It’s definitely him. This is weird antisocial behaviour in this extreme from him. He is the one with it on his penis he should be keeping track of it and taking it off when finished.

Not noticing it just means you haven’t felt it. Him not taking it off means he is many shades of wrong.

There are other men, but I’ve read some of the thread now and seen some of your replies. Even if you think you can’t attract some men, remember there are scummy men everywhere who will try to use this against women and be basically abusive because they think they can get away with it because their partner is desperate. It’s completely unacceptable.

Sadly when I’ve seen people settle for men that are obviously mistreating them as they feel they can’t do any better I think they would obviously be far better off single without these scumbags dragging them down.

It may not feel it but I’m sure that you can do better than this. There are also men who are not at the super attractive end of the scale but yet are not abusive and nasty like this. I think in time you can find someone nicer, but if you don’t and there are only scum please please leave them too, you deserve better than this.

What the fuck dude

He left it inside you? That’s absolutely grim and surely it should be a tight enough fit on him that it doesn’t just slip off?!?

I’d expect it to get put in the bin, either straight away or wrapped in some tissue to drop in when we next get out of bed. I would not want it just laying around

I guess she won't be leaving him, then...😆 * *

This man is disregarding your wellbeing and displaying lack of hygiene and poor manners to put it mildly. I suggest a chat about this. If he is at all defensive or rude, you will need to rethink this connection.

I think you are pretty naive. You don't have to have dating experience to know that a condom should not be left inside you. As an adult woman, you are responsible for your own sexual health. It's very odd that neither your partner nor you realised that there is a missing condom, not once but twice. Surely after the first incident, you could have double checked that it is indeed out. Watch a youtube video and perhaps educate yourself on this topic.
As someone else pointed out you seem to think there are only two options- crap men or thinking you are worthless and alone. You seem angry at those who are sharing their dating experiences, whereas in reality most of us have been with selfish, insensitive men as we have with loving, caring ones. But this odd belief of ignorance and tolerating someone else's idiotic behaviour is not helpful. Dating is difficult to navigate but start with having some more respect for yourself.

It’s not uncommon for women not to feel a condom coming off, or being left inside.

Men generally do though. So he likely felt it come off. He’ll 100% have known it was missing on the occasions it was left inside you.

This isn’t on you. It’s on him.

Dear op. This man is not a reflection on you and how worthy you are. Wonderful women the world over have experienced terrible partners. I'm sorry you've had to experience this.

Give yourself some credit, your spidey senses alerted very quickly and you've slammed the breaks after a short time with him. Given you have a coil, I wouldn't bother with more than one pregnancy test.

Leaving it inside you?

Unless your partner has some sort of diagnosable disorder for which he is seeking treatment, you need to leave him.

Leaving it inside you is like shitting in the bed next to you and then rolling over and going to sleep. It’s disgusting, antisocial, vile and nothing any well adjusted person would consider ok.

Forget pregnancy, you could get toxic shock syndrome and die. Am I being dramatic? Maybe, but that is a real possibility and his behaviour is absolutely foul.

Leave immediately.

Good luck OP, I hope all the tests come back clear. Best of luck with the future (and consider giving cats a chance ;) , a cat will love and adore you and never leave such horrible mess around your place!

Many of you posting on this thread ought to be ashamed of yourselves - and climb down from those high horses.

OP explained how she is inexperienced when it comes to dating. Let people sense check upsetting behaviour on this thread without getting a sanctimonious , hey?

He’s not a good bloke to be sharing a bed with, let alone anything else. Sadly you win some you lose some in these dating streets. STD check, block and delete - in that order. Agree it’s stealthing at worst, disrespect at best. No further contact needed would be my advice, which I’m sure has more than sunk in!

wishing you well, OP. May you find a spectacular shag who is tidy to boot!

Then the answer is to be single. You don't have to settle for a sub par man. Also (this may sound harsh) but raise your standards.

When I was dating there was so much pond life I could have slept with but I didn't even if it meant not having sex.

Learn to be happy with yourself. The right kind of person will be attracted to that.