AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

The way this guy behaves is not only disrespectful but downright dangerous - for pregnancy and STIs. I ALWAYS make sure the guy holds the condom at the base of his penis as he pulls out or I do it for him! If the guy objects or doesn't deal with the condom properly I don't go with him again - end of story.

You wouldn't necessarily feel the condom inside you, especially if it's high enough in there. It's happened to me but the guy had the decency to tell me and to help me retrieve it. I couldn't feel it though.

How does that even happen that a condom is left inside you without you feeling it?

you are obviously in the right
he should be disposing of it properly
I wonder how he’d react to a used tampon under his pillow

I might be a bit thick but I always thought condoms inside you were an accident like they have slipped off? what does he do? hold hisself and slide out part way then push condom off? how come you do not feel him fiddling around?
assume leaving them in the bed is equivalent to being in the wet patch?
men are gross

Well then, it ok right?

It is TOTALLY different to having sex without a condom. Once exposed to air the contents are dead,

What in God’s name do you see in this disgusting piece of shit? Dump him please.

OP hope you're okay. You clearly have a very low opinion of yourself which is sad. This man isn't helping you with that, he doesn't sound very respectful of you at all. The best thing you could do is dump him. There are some lovely, respectful, kind men amongst the grubby ones on these dating sites, please don't settle for this man.If he's doing this now. so early on, he's only going to get worse.

Oh, the disingenuity. I'm not wasting any more keystrokes on you.

Babe you don’t need to keep responding and defending yourself, I made this mistake recently following a (completely different) traumatic situation and some of the responses here were so upsetting I was having nightmares about the situation afterwards and made a distress call to my gp.
none of what you’ve done is wrong or strange, I met a lot of pigs dating again when I got divorced, plus heard a hell of a lot of horrible stories.
some men are just pigs and sly and deceitful and will do whatever it takes to get what they want.
we don’t always recognise every single red flag unless we’ve experienced it or been told to watch out for it etc, the levels of deception around sex, money, getting their feet under the table etc are shocking, i always think I’ve seen / heard it all and then something new comes up.
one of us do accept less because of loneliness or multiple other reasons, hopefully if we are lucky we learn from this, and gird our loins and armour up appropriately and are more careful next time.
youve gone into so much detail and intimate detail here, you dont need to , these people are also being abusive by ripping into you this way, victim blaming is incredibly harmful and can often make people more vulnerable, not less. You’ve done everything right and no doubt learned a lot from this situation and from some of the advice on here , take care of yourself and don’t take any blame, you were inexperienced in this area, I’m not sure many women make a point of watching the condom removal and disposal thereof, I’m sure most would assume that an adult man would be able to deal with it without supervision.
if they feel a need to observe for safety then that man is unlikely to be a trustworthy person in the first place

I get that OP. There are some very bossy boots people on here that come across like the smug marrieds in Bridget Jones.

But with the wisdom of the ages and huge amounts of therapy I do agree with their conclusions if not the patronising and hectoring way they’re expressing themselves. It’s hideous to be lonely and it’s normal to want sex when you’re a youngish person (and frankly an older person too!).

However it will make you feel lonelier and worse in the long run to go out with deadbeats. And I don’t think there’s a correlation between having a conversation about your expectations about behaviours with decent men and them dumping you. Pieces of shit might but then that’s no loss.

If I was dating now and I’m not ruling it out longer term (just coming out of a shitty marriage myself) I wouldn’t bother with someone who couldn’t have an adult conversation about important things like this. Because if they’re a child in an adult’s body they’re no use to me.

This! Surely you change the bedding.

I’m sorry this happened to you. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. He is gross. Imagine waking up in the morning, removing your sanitary towel and leaving it in the bed. That’s what he has essentially done. Looking back, does he have other unfavourable habits?

I’d hope you are changing the sheets after you’ve had sex in your bed knowing your teenage children sleep in the bed too sometimes. So surely you’d find the condom then.

Glad someone raised about urinating after sex, I always make sure I do that now, and want to clear myself up a bit. Glad you’ve decided to dump him, pretty gross of him not even caring what happens to the condom.

Your communication is not solid enough to be having sex with this person.
Or are you under a drug or asleep?

Concern for your own health should mean that, if you notice he is not disposing of the condom, you remove it, tie it and bin it. Speak up about what you expect.

I don't recall making any, but if I did I would have apologised as you have done. I just couldn't read more as it felt like you were being sarcastic to everyone. I'm glad you apologised to that poster.

ETA - the guy was completely out of order and no one leaves used condoms lying around.

Name calling?

I think we need to agree to disagree because if someone is as naive as the OP at her age and with teen / preteen children then I 100% stand by my concerns that she shouldn't be having sex if she cannot do so safely.

Absolutely

Until now I'd never thought about condom etiquette. I guess I just expected that it didn't need to be spelled out to a bloke. Men never fail to disappoint.

What a rude comment to a kind poster who was actually helping you by giving you facts. It's not their fault you don't understand sexual health.

I have been reading your replies only but stopped at this one. Even before then your attitude has shone through.

Nope that's true!
Also I never trust men and condoms. Will always put them on and check that they are still on, during sex and that they are still on during withdrawal. Important stuff

Ew, that’s the term ‘cum dumpster’ made real. I’d suggest you don’t have sex again until you educate yourself on what’s normal!

Please OP, I am begging you, to not tell yourself this is your fault in any way, and to believe in yourself. You’ve had a really hard time. I’ve been married for almost 30 years and don’t even want to imagine what it’s like on the dating scene these days. You’ve had a really bad experience but hopefully it’s a near miss and you can move onwards and upwards. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.

I beg your finest pardon!
He leaves it inside you and rolls over to sleep without a word?
That's unhinged behaviour
I've had a condom come off during sex and end up in me and the first thing that happened when he realised it was missing is he tried (and thankfully succeeded) to fish it straight back out

Throw him right on back. Not binning it and leaving it to dry into your sheets was bad enough but to just not care where the hell its gone........ dude needs to stay single