I have 2 children - 22 months & 3 months. We moved house late last year and have been managing renovating and redecorating etc alongside pregnancy and 2 under 2. DH helps where he can but works long hours, overall I'm feeling like I'm doing ok managing everything at the moment.
However, there is one topic that is a recurring issue between DH and I - his parents.
Historically we always got along well with them, however I had HG during both pregnancies and there was a fairly big breakdown in communication during my first pregnancy with them not understanding why I couldn't yet be excited, pushing us to purchase baby equipment before we felt ready etc.
DH struggles to communicate openly with them, they're a family of 'brushing it all under the carpet' and there are very few honest conversations, which I can find gets very complicated. His view is I should be the one communicating with them in respect of plans to see them/them seeing the grandchildren. I think this is possibly just so he can avoid dealing with the difficult issues and logistics.
Cut to this month. I am taking both DC to stay with my parents for 3 nights without DH. It'ssomething we had planned in for a couple of months. DMIL heard about this and says she'd love for me & DC to stay with them also. I don't have any issue with this necessarily and we have pencilled in for end of this month, but being away from home for 8 days in 1 month whilst also trying to arrange decorating quotes, run the household, and parent 2 under 2 is feeling like a huge burden to me all of a sudden. Trying to cancel and explain this to DMIL without causing a 'brush under the carpet' upset feels too big for me right now, but I also feel under huge pressure and to be honest, I just don't want to go and spend 4 days with them at the moment. I know it will all be fine once I'm there but the logistics and catching up/being away from home is stressing me out.
I'm not really sure what my question is or what answers I'm hoping for, but perhaps an outsiders view on things? AIBU? Is it ok to say yes to one set of grandparents and not the other? Is it selfish to say I don't want to go, meaning they miss out on that opportunity with their grandchildren?