To be so pissed off I can’t sleep.

@Emotionstorn send him one last txt tell
him it’s over not to contact you or turn up at your door. Tell him the free ride is over . He can contact you through his solicitor for access to daughter.
Next step apply for Csa
Book a Holiday
Go to gp for counselling

Main thing is to keep your cards close to your chest and tell him none of this .
He will convince you that you are being horrible that you should be paying for him to go on holiday too . ( you shouldn’t )
The money you aren’t spending on him you can live of and the money he has to pay for his dd you can use to make have an annual holiday just you two .

I think the poster meant you need help to put healthy boundaries in place. You are so used to being used and treated like shit that you don't react to it like people with healthy boundaries and selfesteem do.

Therapy might take time. Let me tell you about a "quick fix" that doesn't mean you won't need therapy but will help you artificially put up boundaries until you got them settled authentically:
Think about a strong woman you admire (can be from real life or celebrity or character in book/tv). Whenever you are in contact with your ex put on this invisible persona. You are no longer yourself- you are this woman and you are reacting like this woman.
Ex: " I need 3 £ to pay for dds game"
You; " Who are you- the baby-sitter? Because you can't possibly be her DAD asking for 3£! That's ridiculous."
Ex; "I need new trainers"
You: "Why are you telling me- I'm not your mum and you're not my kid. I have one child who I will buy new trainers since her deadbeat dad won't"
Etc etc. You can do this. Just need to find your anger. Don't feel ashamed. Decent people wouldn't walk all over you even if they saw that it was possible due to your lack of selfesteem. On the contrary they would treat you with even more respect and try to reinforce your confidence in yourself.

He is not worth losing sleep over.
Don't use any more energy on him
Concentrate on yourself and child.

Sort out a life for you both consulting him no more.
At least you know. Be calm and do not allow him back influencing your decisions and taking up space in your head.

Stop spending money on him and stop having sex with him.

As soon as you stop doing these two things you’ll see how quickly he ditches you.

He doesn’t want to be with you, he’s literally using you.

Your DD is at least 5 years old. You do not need to be there when he has her.
Draw up a fair schedule of when he sees her and then he takes her on his own.

Why does he not have her on his own?
(I guess he gets something out of you at the same time).

What is stopping him from picking her up from school or yours, taking her to the park then back to his for dinner and then dropping her home.

You need to limit contact with him.

Delete his number but also all of his messages etc too, so there’s no way you can text him even if you wanted to.

This is your awakening to set boundaries, take back control of the situation, no more handouts or favours. Start to put yourself first. DD has a wonderful mother who adores her, don’t bend over trying to create a false relationship with him for her sake, she doesn’t need him. ❤️

So many things to say, so I'm going to forget most of them.

He's a dick and won't change, he will lie to you and sweet talk you, but he won't change.

You WERE humiliated, but that's done, now you're angry and should use that. Booking the holiday for you and your DD is a great start and something to look forward to.

Definitely go through CMS for child support, look into the Freedom Program. Many, many women choose the same sort of man over and over again at some point, hopefully while dating so they can just throw the duds back. Changing the pattern often requires some help. You're not mentally ill, but therapy or counselling can really help you to reflect on why you keep choosing the same sort of sub standard man. Learning about this and making changes will benefit you and also your DD.

You're going to save money by not propping him up all the time. Use the money for treats, counselling, holidays and also making sure your pension fund is set up (women who don't put themselves first will often neglect their pension plans too).

You sound pretty bloody capable to me, sounds like you've got a job that pays well enough and you've been pretty much parenting solo (and partially parenting him too).

Set up the Family app that many use for communication when divorcing, this will mean you have a time and dates record of contact. When that's set up, block his number.

OP, he is a useless parasite. He’s as bad for your DD as he is for you. Don’t let her grow up thinking she has to buy a man’s attention.
Get onto CMS and then enjoy life with DD.

I really feel for you. I think you get what you tolerate. I divorced a man like this and he’s found his next cash cow. I expect he’ll find another after her. Some people are takers and they look for givers.

You need to stop tolerating this. End it and refuse to pay another penny for him.

I think it’s right that putting up with this kind of behaviour comes from childhood. It’s worth looking into that. Were you raised to always put other people’s needs before your own?

Your issue here is that only "part" of you wants him out of your life. The whole of you and your daughter need to want that. He is not adding anything to either your life or your daughter's other than negatives.

I hope you got some sleep OP.

He is a selfish man-child and it sounds like you’ve been buying his time and attention for both you and your daughter. That’s not normal healthy ‘family’ behaviour.

You and your daughter will be fine without him. Good luck. Stay strong.

Don’t go to Berlin it’s gloomy!! There are much better places for October half term. Try Paris with a a day trip to Disney or Rome for a hopefully slightly better bit of weather or Oslo to see the snow.

Oh and stop spending money on this loser. A shitty dad is not better than no dad.

He said he didn’t tell me as he knew I’d react.

👆This is classic bullshit from a classic manchild.

OP - you did the right thing by kicking off when you found out he was on a lads holiday whilst he's been taking your cash. He needs the smile wiping off his face.

Don't unblock him. Enjoy the silence and serenity. Let your daughter buy stuff on the PS5 tonight - that'll really piss him off as he can't contact you to ask for the money back. He bought it - he pays for it! That's the way it swings from now on.

It's your time now. Time for you to do it completely your way. It will be a lot of fun I promise you.

Don’t let him back in OP. I’ve been there, done that, wasted too many years trying to fix broken men. An abusive childhood doesn’t stop at childhood - but you can break free - get some therapy - contact talking therapies today and put yourself on a waiting list. They’ll probably turn you down as being too complex - but refuse to accept nothing and they’ll refer you to a charity - at least that’s what happened to me. Good luck

He’s a dick. This is no reflection on you. I don’t know a single man who would treat someone like this.

You don’t have to accept it.

Use your current anger to move on and I hope you find yourself a proper man.

Stop being a mug.

He is vile and you sound like an absolute doormat. Paying for everything and skivvying after him? Get a grip, be independent, and be a role model for your child.

Stop paying for things that only benefit him. When it's a family thing, think of him as the popcorn at the cinema. An optional extra you may want to pay for on the odd occasion as a special treat for DD.
Then see how keen he is to reconcile.

Use the anger to plan, when he asks for money or petrol what will you say? When you are shopping and go to buy him a treat, what will you do? What will you do with the money you’re not spending on him? You don’t need to spend money to have fun with a child, if you are with him when he has get, plan low key, low cost days (parks, walks, movies at home, arts and crafts). PS he isn’t co-parenting and you shouldn’t be planning his days.

Keep it blocked. For your sake and the sake of your daughter. You both deserve better than this. He's an absolute prick who, up until now, has known you'll put up with this nonsense. Make today the day you decide that you're finally done with him. If he wants to see his daughter, it's going to have to be on an official basis, a set day a week and you will want money from him to help bring up his daughter. If he can't provide that, then cut him loose and have nothing more to do with him. There's no way in hell he deserves to get the fun side of being a parent if he can't be bothered to put anything into that.
You'll be a million times better off without him.

Tough words to hear but the right advice OP

He does it because you allow it. You are encouraging him to be a cocklodging waster and not a man and as such you can be sure he has zero respect for you. Stop doing it.

Use that feeling to empower yourself.

Why did you go to the cinema with him?
Why are you letting him use you?

Come on, get angry!!

Your kind heart and generosity are something to be proud of, not humiliated by.

He holds the shame here. He is not a good man. Not a good father. You are now seeing him for who he really is. That clarity is good. The anger will help you to gain more freedom. Good luck.

Your ex isn't a citizen of another country, is he? If so, don't let him anywhere near your daughter's passport. Actually, don't let him anywhere near it whatever.

Learn your lesson, and value yourself higher in future. Only have a second child if you're married, and to a man who pays his share of the bills, does his share of the work and doesn't treat the mother of his child like an inconvenience. Your past has left you thinking you're not worthy of decent treatment; work on your self-esteem. Focus on raising your child well, and don't get involved with any more deadbeats. That's all you can do.

Why isn’t he taking DD overnight and weekends. You treat him like an incapable child? Why are you mothering him? he acts like a spoiled little child.