To be so pissed off I can’t sleep.

Use your anger to dicht him for once and forever. He is a user.

This is your epiphany.

From now on for your sake and your DD you need to put yourself first - as no-one else will.

You need to practise saying no - oh that's a shame and maybe allocate your money every month and not deviate from your plans - so no last minute purchases with others in mind not you or your DD.

I read the games people play in my 20s and some self help books - made me realise I didn't have best examples growing up and that they weren't going to change so I needed to change how I handle them - most sadly in my case by staying away.

Well - you ARE good enough, and you ARE lovable, @Emotionstorn - I promise you that! And I am willing to bet that you are your child's first choice - you have been and are the consistent and loving parent.

Therapy will help you accept these facts about yourself, and will help you build a good, solid foundation for the rest of your life. It is not hopeless, and I am sure you can and will get the happy ending you deserve.

I was referred through my gp/mental health nurse. But I think you can self refer if you can locate a course near you. It’s really helped me. I have ADHD and ASD so like you I found it hard to accept that I couldn’t change them, my self esteem was also pretty low. It’s helped a lot, I walk away from yet another awful relationship whist I was doing the course and have remained single since.

This! I set myself not X number of dates, but X number of years to go completely man-free. My goal was 7 years, but as things turned out I met now-DH at 6 years and 6 months, and decided he was worth compromising my "invisible contract" for. I was right! - but I could never have met someone like that in my earlier state of unbalance - I needed those years of quiet to upgrade my "self-care" software 😜

Every date I’ve ever had has been rushed to sex.

You have to learn to be single.

Unfortunately if you’ve had a crap childhood it can make wanting to be single more difficult but I promise once you realise that you don’t need a boyfriend, then everything becomes easier.

At the moment you’re attracting the wrong type of men because you’re desperate for a relationship.

But once you recognise your worth and realise that you are the prize, then you’ll start being choosier with the men you pick.

This guy will never change.

You’re stopping yourself from finding someone decent by wasting your time and energy on these idiots.

Refuse to have sex until X amount of dates.
If someone is pushy then they’re not for you so ditch them and find someone else.

Please don’t believe that he wants to reconcile, he’s just giving you enough to string you along.

I’ve been the same and it won’t go away on its own, you need professional help.

FWIW, he is aware of what he’s doing. I have had extensive conversations afterwards (different circumstances but somewhat same type of financial issues) and he admitted he was 100% aware he could just walk all over me, it wasn’t some sort of unconscious abuse.

Send him and invoice and say you want to start a college fund for your daughter!

Dont beat yourself up about it just stop giving him money. No matter how hard it is.
TReat yourself to a spa day or something you love x

you have nothing to be humiliated or embarrassed about OP, and your love and determination to do the best for your daughter are two very big positives about you that I see.

You can't change him, but you can change how you interact with him from now on and that is certainly no more money. He doesn't deserve it and he doesn't deserve your love, or the headspace he is taking up. You can do this and you will do this and you and you daughter will come out the other side stronger I know it x

Good for you! You should be angry! Your anger is righteous! Use it! Put yourself first, like all these shitty men do. Yourself and your DD. You are the ones who matter. This guy is a dickwad and he's just using you. Treat yourself with the love you deserve, and don't settle for anything less.

It will be lonely for a while, but that's better than being used. And as time goes on, and you build up strength, and learn how to be the good kind of selfish, and genuinely show love to yourself, you will attract the kind of men who are attracted to a strong, independent woman with self-esteem. You can do it! Do it for your daughter; do it for yourself. You are worth it.

Time for you to put your child 1st and stop funneling money from your child's home into this loosers hands.

Put him in the ex boyfriend category who should be paying towards improving your child's life. Don't worry what he is doing for his holiday. Whether he runs out of petrol or not. He is clawing back all the child maintenance he is being forced to pay. You need to end that today. Think of the life you could have with your DC if you stopped paying to treat him and used the money for your life instead.

It could be you and your DC going away on your own holiday this year. Instead you have helped him save for his by covering his costs. Grabby loosers will always ask and stand there with hands out. You can't change who he is, you can change your response and mindset

Just ignore.

Possibly just unblock for a few seconds while you send him a message that you're done with this now, don't call me.

You can be free from today.

The quiet and clarity you will feel by just focusing on you and your child is absolute heaven. I did it and never looked back.

Everything runs smoothly how you want it to be.

No more wondering where he is or paying for his lifestyle.

Just you, your child and the wonderful calm, peace and confidence that will grow.

Today is your first day of this.

Embrace it

❤

This is a really good opportunity for you to change the course of your life but also your daughter’s life- everything you do is modelling to her what is normal and acceptable in relationships. If I were you I’d swear off romantic relationships for the foreseeable (like years) and really deeply lean into therapy. I say to do this drastic move because struggling with boundaries and people taking advantage leaves you really vulnerable to abuse. You seem very giving, but other people are also adults, they don’t need you to take care of them but they’ll enjoy the benefits if you do. This includes friends, family and romantic partners. Everything should be equal give and take (there are exceptions to this like emergencies and crises but only short term, and never ‘fun’ things like cinema tickets).

You can't change the past. But you can work on the future. You can see the mistakes you've made. Presumably he wasn't abusive or controlling? If so you can get on top of this. Don't be taken advantage of. Sorry I can't comment on the financials but it's clear you can cut back on what you've been doing to help out his bank balance. You won't forget finding out he's away in Spain when he's supposed to be skint..Look after yourself and your daughter. best wishes 😄

heres my ‘shake’…

That old chestnut @Emotionstorn

USE THIS ANGER to make the changes you should have made ages ago.

Cut this loser off.

the humiliation will pass, when you’ve dealt with him, you’ll feel better, you’ll feel proud you acted.

Our Family Wizard is a good parenting app, not that I've had to use it as my ex has disappeared, but its a good app and the one mediation etc recommends.

Stop buying him things! He is just using you. Why should someone in full time work have their clothes, petrol and days out paid for by their ex?

Do not reconcile with him. He doesn't love you he just sees you as a walking wallet with a vagina.

You need to focus on you and your child. Do things that make you happy. Break this addiction to buying pathetic men's affections.

You wouldn't want your child to have 'relationships' like that would you? But they will if that's the influence you're presenting.

Well it seems to me that you are able to support yourself & your daughter which is a huge thing.

And you'll be able to do it so much the better when you are not bankrolling your ex.

Stop chucking money at the loser.

Yes, because he is an utter loser. Plain and simple. An utter loser, that you have, for reasons you need professional assistance to resolve, actively chosen to finance and enable over several years.

You are looking for reasons for his behaviour, but quite simply he is a loser that is happy when he can get others to pay for his life, he is happy to use people. That’s who he is, who he has always been, and who he will always be.

Concentrate on yourself and your child, draw a line, and make plans for moving forward having nothing to do with him financially or emotionally, just essential info about your child, best via a parenting app or similar.