AIBU to think my friend's reaction over trip costs is bizarre?

Sorry I clicked YABU in error 😂 of course you aren’t…

Sorry Jane, I’ve had a change of heart, like you I am no longer happy to cover Sarah’s portion of villa costs so we will have to cancel the trip. You understand
, of course, that it wouldn’t be fair for us not to pay the same for the same accommodation.’

Whaaaat?!

This is one of the worst examples of CFery I have ever read on Mumsnet. How unbelievably grabby, heartless and tone deaf of her!

She's demanded absolutely everything should be on her terms and now also wants you to pay for her to even go on the blinking holiday at all?! This would be end of friendship for me, OP, she's really shown you who she is.

What has she been like as a friend up until this kicked off? Although for me it'd be academic, I couldn't feel the same way about a friend if they behaved this way. Unbelievable.

This reminds me of a friend who was telling me about how they split their rent in a 2 bed home - couple and a single. I’d assumed Couple paid more as they are 2 people. Friend was incredulous! No, her room with her bf was cheaper than the other single person as they had to share!! Lesson from
this is - people can really twist their logic when it comes to what’s fair with money. OP, your friend is crazy. tell her that out of respect for your bereaved friend you’ve decided to cancel.

Has anyone actually paid anything yet?
If not Sarah isn't out of pocket - good.
You can tell Jane you aren't coming and won't be giving her any money so you recommend she cancels the booking.

You don't want to get stuck "on her turf" with her, she'll be a nightmare know it all bossing you around.

If for some mad reason you do still want to go definitely go for separate hotel rooms or nothing so you aren't stuck with her when you don't want to be!

I would cancel in writing
confirming it's within the cancellation period

and I wouldn't pay a penny towards any of it, because you cancelled on time
OR
that I demand a full refund from her.

she probably overcharged you both and don’t want to lose out her profit. I bet the two of you were subsidising her share/ cost of the trip

first post nails it. Cancel everything, including your friendship with Jane.

It's not clear if both you and Sarah have fully paid up front? If you haven't, happy days, tell Jane you've changed your mind and can't/don't want to come, so up to her if she goes herself with someone else or whatever she wants, but you won't be paying a penny. If she doesn't refund Sarah then that's her issue.

If you've paid for yourself I'd still probably cut my losses and rather lose the money than go on holiday with Jane - however if you don't want to then go, don't pay more than your third and send Sarah her half directly in cash. Again up to Jane if she doesn't want to do the same, but you've still paid less than you were going to, and sounds like Sarah is prepared to lose the full payment so you covering half will be appreciated.

What she and Jane do between them isn't your problem.

Have you paid your share yet? If not I would tell Jane that you're not going and won't be paying her anything so she'd better cancel it if she doesn't want to be caught for the whole bill 💁

Just cancel. You're not going to enjoy a holiday with this woman now after all this, so best to cancel and start with a fresh slate.

What? Why on earth did you offer to pay for Sarah's share? Especially when you didn't want to go to the villa. Just cancel it. No one can make you do something you don't want to. I would probably cancel the holiday altogether too - no one wants to go on holiday with someone as entitled and rude as Jane.

ps. Cancel the frienship.

What have you actually paid already?

Could there be a language barrier? Or something agreed between Sarah and Jane that you don't know about (maybe Sarah was going to pay part of Jane's costs as a thank you for planning, and now she can't?) I'd be inclined to tell Jane that

(1) your preference, as stated, was to cancel the villa and stay at a hotel

(2) Jane felt strongly about keeping the villa; due to deference of her local knowledge and the fact that she had done the planning you agreed, expecting that each of you would take on half of Sarah's cost since she has a very good reason why she can't go AND it's the choice to go on the trip just the two of you instead of rescheduling AND the choice to keep the villa rather than switching to a hotel that causes Sarah to "owe" anything at all, since the trip could be cancelled for a full refund. (It's unethical to expect or ask Sarah to pay anything).

(3) Jane now says she cannot pay half of what Sarah's portion of the villa would have been, therefore you have offered to pay that part in full. Jane is getting half the villa that she wants for 1/3 of the cost while you are getting 1/2 of the villa -which you don't want because you prefer a hotel - for 2/3 of the cost. That is a pretty good deal for Jane.

(4) tell her that if she had made it clear up front that she expected to be partially subsidised for her work in planning, you might have considered it, but it is unfair and uncomfortable for her to demand this after the fact.

(5) I'd urge Jane to cancel, if you haven't paid yet. Unless you've paid 100% of your share and the extra for Sarah's I doubt she's going to refuse to cancel. If you decide to go, I'd say all bets off on the villa and it's a hotel or nothing; you'll likely want to keep as much autonomy from Jane as you can.

Id say the friendship with Jane should be terminated. She sounds bizarre and so selfish you'd think she was suffering from psychosis or something? Telling you the woman who isn't coming any more and has just lost her dad is getting a 'good deal'? Why are agreeing to pay two thirds? That is preposterous as well tbh.

You should pay nothing and not go. And never speak to Jane again.

I think now say you are unwilling to go (make up an excuse if you have to ) and insist on the trip being cancelled

Jane sounds awful, I wouldn’t want to be spending an hour with her let alone a weeks holiday!

There are 2 issues here. First, Sarah should be using her travel insurance cover her costs. Second, Jane isn’t a very nice person,

It’s clearly Jane 👀

Also, if Jane refused to pay any extra for the villa - how did she think it was going to get paid for without Sarah? She just wasn't going to refund Sarah, was she? God she sound vile.

God, don't go. Tell Jane you don't want to pay for the whole villa - or stay with her on your own - and that she needs to cancel and refund you both. She's not a friend, she's just some grabby chancer.

I’d get on to the group chat with both friends and say you’re wanting to cancel and ask what you need to do to make sure it happens in the no penalty window. This is unreasonable and selfish behaviour from your friend and I’d not personally want to spend valuable holiday time with someone like that.

I would cancel the whole thing and use the money to go on a nice break with just Sarah once shes had a bit of time.

That’s just nasty. No Jane, I am not paying for you. I offered to pay for Sarah because you won’t cancel the villa and go for a cheaper hotel and HER FATHER DIED! I do not want to go away with you now as your attitude is appalling. Please cancel the villa or find someone else to go with you, we are in the period where is is free to cancel so as don’t owe you anything. Please confirm that this has been done.

Cancel it

You are doing the right thing by Sarah. But I think you were far too generous by Jane paying 2/3rds for a villa when you’d rather the hotel.

Jane has shown herself as grabby, mean-spirited and unkind. I’d cancel the holiday and drop her like a stone. You can arrange something with Sarah once she’s feeling up to it.

Insist you cancel and get your money back. Go away with Sarah when she’s up to it. Leave Jane - she sounds like a right witch.

Your bigger issue is that you have allowed Jane to manipulate you in the first place by offering to pay Sarah's share when, in fact, it would be cheaper to cancel and book separate accomodation. Is this a routine process for you and Jane - you accomodate her selfishness? i think you need to draw some sharp lines here.

I'd cancel the entire trip and, as you are in the window, tell Jane in writing that you will not be paying. If you have already paid some or all of it, you may need to be prepared to lose that.