AIBU to think there was no need to spend this much time in the disabled loo?

YANBU at all op. The woman was lacking in consideration like so many other people who think the world revolves around them and their offspring (or dog 🙄).

She ‘didn’t want to hurry him’ but actually that is a luxury that shouldn’t be afforded a 4 year old in a public place when a person with a disability, who genuinely needs to use the facilities, has been waiting an unreasonably long time.

That is a good point actually, she could have been having a medical emergency in there.

Having a catheter is a disability IMO.

I’m a bit surprised anyone thinks it isn’t.

Someone in the disabled toilet for 30 minutes… and you didn’t alert any staff? I’d have been alerting someone if anyone went into the disabled toilets and then didn’t come out for 20 to 30 minutes.

This. I have hidden disabilities and it can easily take me over 10 minutes in the loo.

I've met plenty of people in wheelchairs and so on who need help and couldn't physically be done any faster.

It's also possible the child has a developmental disorder or other things that make it take longer.

The real shame is that we're all fighting over a lack of accessible loos.

Yes. It seems rather poor.

How do you know she didn't have a catheter or some other health need that requires a longer period in the disabled toilet? Yes, she had a child with a portable potty, but you also had a baby to change as well as your own toileting needs.

I can easily take 30 mins with my son in the disabled loo due to need. Without knowing their medical history, it's impossible to know if it was a need or not.

It does seem odd indeed.
if that’s what she said I could imagine myself using that as an excuse too. She doesn’t need to explain herself to you.
its unfortunate of course but its not her fault there was only one suitable toilet for you both to use. I’d be complaining to the venue if you plan to go there again.
I don’t have a disability but I do have endo and I can flood in a matter of seconds. I tend to carry spare clothes and it can be 20 minutes by the time I sit on the toilet, try and eject the worst of the debris and then strip
off my bottom half, try and rinse myself clean and then get dressed again. I just use a regular cubicle and I don’t feel embarrassed about what is my normal but I’m a 40 year old woman who’s used to it now.
i doubt anyone is sitting around in a public toilet for fun, they don’t tend to be the nicest of places.

How dare you! The OP said she needs to use the disabled toilet, I’m shocked that you thought it was appropriate to tell her what does or does not make her disabled enough to do so 😡

I bet she was bf him in there. Seen it loads of times. It's bloody selfish.

My 3yo with ASD appears outwardly normal but has stool withholding issues and chronic constipation. It can take 30 mins of coaching her to do a poo. If we don’t do that then she’ll leak stool and be in abdominal pain.

i agree 30 mins is a long time to use a disabled loo unless necessary, but it’s just impossible to tell if they were using it unnecessarily from what you saw.

You don’t know that the mum and toddler don’t have a disability.
Your upset should be directed at the attraction for only having one disabled/baby change bathroom.

You don’t know what bowl issues (possibly in connection with other issues) the 4 year old has that require them to use a potty, and that take a while. Not all disabilities are visible, and the woman does not owe you an explanation of her/ her child’s disability, especially once she heard you complain.

So what he'd just wait like everyone else has to. The point is you could've just used a normal cubicle and harassing someone with your pa phonecall wasn't ok.

All disabilities matter. My DS had a chronic bowel issues, ASD too, terrified of public toilets. I used to carry a portable potty, at times it could take 30 minutes.
You could have washed your hands in the normal bathroom before going into the cubicle, using tissue to lock the door.

He’s still at nursery. He will sit on the baby sized toilets there but will not entertain the idea of sitting on a toilet anywhere else, even at home, and is completely freaked out at the idea of peeing standing up.

He’s a hugely anxious child and yes I’m worried about school!

Yes- you don’t know if her or her child has a disability as well

I'd have got dh to do the baby change and emptied catheter bag in the ladies. Wash hands before, what's the problem?

What does he do at school?

Maybe she didn’t want to give the real reason she took so long?

Yes, maybe she’s selfishly taking ages when she doesn’t need to. But I imagine few people would spend 30 mins sitting in a toilet on a day out if they didn’t need to.

My 4 year old will not go on the toilet. I have to take a travel potty everywhere. I’m at a loss as to what to do.

It’s quite hard to fit into the normal cubicle, particularly if I have my older one with me, and he gets a bit stressed sitting on the potty in a small space and don’t get me started on if he hears a hand dryer.

I will therefore sometimes take him into a disabled / baby change (never if it’s just a disabled), which also has the benefit of somewhere to dispose of the potty liner. But if he’s not gone within a minute we get up and leave. Anything more than 3 or 4 minutes is just hugely selfish.

As pp said, a popular attraction for people. should have an adequate number of disabled facilities. The lady could not have wanted to say the real reason why she took so long. She could have Crohn's, or anything.