AIBU to think there was no need to spend this much time in the disabled loo?

I used to take my dsis out and about in her wheelchair. She had progressive supernuclear palsy. Sometimes she could take 45 mins on the loo.
its not the other persons fault. It’s the infrastructure (or lack of) that’s at fault.

I think it depends on whether the child has a disability or not, which we can't really know without asking the Mum. I think if he does then it's reasonable for them to use the toilet for the amount of time he needed but obviously an issue that the attraction doesn't have any other toilets. If he does not then they should have used the ladies. I have a 6yo who doesn't necessarily look disabled but has two separate conditions that both meant he needed to use the disabled toilet at that sort of age. If we have his wheelchair with us it's pretty obvious but if it's just me and him you probably wouldn't notice.

There is rarely more than one disabled loo if you get one at all and it's a nightmare if it includes the baby change also. I once had to wait behind a women with a baby to change and 3 kids to get on the loo.

Kudos to my local M and S that have two

Madness really it’s 2026 and disabled toilets are still so poorly distributed. And transport for the disabled, another issue but transport for those with mobility issues is spectacularly shite. More toilets, more inclusion are so necessary.

I agree, and I think that there is a lack of disabled parking bays as well. There is not enough where I live anyway.

YABU any one of them can have a hidden disability!

We as a society haven’t gotten our heads around the fact that our being able bodied is often a gift loaned to us and one day through age, illness or plain bad luck, the things we once took for granted such as using the generic toilets, may be a past luxury. We all need to kick off for more disabled facilities. Disabled people deserve to not be rushed in a toilet as much as the next disabled person deserves to not have a 30 minute wait. The fault is one token toilet for the disabled. And I know at times when I access them with my son people can’t always see his disability unless they try to talk to him (or can witness his behaviour) so I feel a reet dickhead using the only disabled loo, I worry someone with motility problems might think I’m taking the piss.

Madness really it’s 2026 and disabled toilets are still so poorly distributed. And transport for the disabled, another issue but transport for those with mobility issues is spectacularly shite. More toilets, more inclusion are so necessary.

And also this^

You've no way to know if the mum was using the loo appropriately or not. So you need to give her the benefit of the doubt on that front.

Equally there's loads of valid reasons why someone may need to use the loo for that length of time.

The issue really is down to the venue having limited facilities because you've a conflict there where some people would need to use an accessible loo very quickly and others may need more time in the loo when they get there. Neither is wrong but the facilities are lacking.

God forbid someone who actually did have a disability needed the toilet the way two able bodied grown women were grappling over their turn with it.

I’m disabled and use a wheelchair so I’m often waiting for the disabled loo,

there can be all kinds of reasons as other have said why people might be in there a long time.

my dad had a stoma and his changing the stoma was a pretty solid 15 mins.

if it’s a full on changing places toilet then it’ll have a hoist and full sized bed so that adults can be changed and that is also not a fast procedure.

it is unfortunately the case that if you need to use the disabled loo some disabilities mean people will be in there a long time.

I completely understand how hard it is to watch them struggle and worry about the next one. Yes I remember not going on day trips and very stressful holidays. We’d literally bring 30 knickers for a week and she’d be in the last pair travelling home! Too stressful for them and us! The califig is a sweet syrup of figs and tastes nice in the yoghurt. The hot water was quite effective too, helped break it up. All the best, I hope she gets better soon with it.

Exactly this. Stoma leak, anything. Just because she had a 4 year old doesn't mean she doesn't need extra time. Either her, her son or both of them could need the facilities for different reasons. No judgement. I also self catheterise, but I don't technically need a disabled bathroom. Just one that has a bin in it. So she technically may have needed the space more than you did. It's not fair to judge.

How callous. Why shouldn’t the OP wear a nappy if she can’t wait for the disabled loo? Oh yes, because it would be embarrassing and unfair. Don’t expect a 3 or 4yo to not have the same feelings - they are people too.

I have never heard of calfig so thank you! She’s currently on macrogol which does seem to be helping a lot. She also has ARFID so unfortunately it’s very hard to get fibre into her 😢 it’s hard seeing them so distressed about something which must be done every day! Honestly it’s one of the main things that puts me off taking my children on day trips without another adult present. Glad your little one is doing better!

Put a nappy on him when you go out then 🤷‍♀️ it’s a very common thing for children that age especially with additional needs and most of us deal with this with a nappy when out and about as that avoids the public toilet problem. Luckily as they get older they often get a lot better about it with a lot of work out in from OT and parents. If you haven’t already seen an occupational therapist I can highly recommend

dealing With a catheter doesn’t take 30
minutes in the toilet! Even if you need to change clothes etc for an accident! And yes I do know what I'm talking about as have one myself

If it was indeed 30 minutes then YANBU about the length of time, but YABU about assuming she didn’t have a need for the accessible toilet. Presumably your need isn’t obvious and you rightly expect people not to question you for using it, the same goes for her.

No, we can't know. But I would bet money that she wasn't. There are so many chancers out there.

Sigh. Why be so mean? She said why. She has just had major abdominal surgery and has a baby to change.... Which can't be done in the women's loos.

I could think of ways for you to get around your son's problems that would be equally as unhelpful (and presumptuous) as you trying to 'solve' the OPs problem.

30 mins is a long time. But sometimes it just takes that long. The place should have more disabled loos.

That is it though, no one can say if she was disabled or not. The outcome was the same, there should be more disabled facilities.

I’m with you on this one OP. In your position I would not hesitate using the disabled toilet. I have used a disabled toilet after breaking my arms. I didn’t have a sunflower lanyard or a blue badge, but the extra room made a lot of difference. I also have used disabled toilet at the airport to find and then take medication after traveling overnight and alone ( which I have done a few times recently). I would wait should there be someone else in the queue.

That extra space can be a game changer when you have health challenges.

Of course it matters. If she isn't disabled, she shouldn't be in there. OP is disabled and was prevented from going in by her selfish faffing.

I wonder if she might have reacted better to you knocking and asking than by talking about it on your phone. If she'd been asked straightforwardly there's a chance -only a chance, admittedly - that she might have been more inclined to hurry things up if she could. If she thinks you are being PA, maybe she's inclined to be PA back.

@PinkstuffsShe might have a stoma. You really have no idea why she took so long and it’s passive aggressive to phone your husband and moans about it outside the toilet door. I’m sure no one sees going to the toilet as a fun activity to prolong.

None of which matters, as we have no idea of the reason why she was using the disabled loo in the first place. The issue is, that a large family attraction, appeared to have only the one disabled facility. It is not enough, and the OP may care to direct her attention to that fact, especially if she is likely to visit again, at some point.