To not believe no dad is better

Well, i guess at least you know your bar is low and expectations even lower.

As if it's ever "easier" to be a lone parent 😂 This has to be a reverse at this point. No actually mother carrying this load on her own plus the burden of worrying about the emotional impact the situation is having on them genuinely believes this manosphere / deadbeat dad trope that women choose to deny their children access to a father for their own benefit. Every mother I know on this situation is heartbroken for their kids.rhatbtheir dad is shit, they don't wish their ex wasn't around.

Nothing to do with being easier for me. I would have loved him around, for the children. Not me. Ffs

Paying maintenance for his children isn't a reward for seeing them. It is fulfilling his responsibility to his children. It's his duty. He shouldn't just swan in and out of their life when he feels like it and take no interest or responsibility for their welfare. Behaving like a great hero paying for tests etc
You haven't said how old your children are but I find it very strange that you as their mother is making countless excuses for their irresponsible father.

Haven't read the whole thread, but will go back and do so.

Personally, I found it much easier when ex stopped bothering altogether, than when he turned up as and when it suited him. It's all very well saying "don't tell them he's meant to be coming" but that doesn't work in the real world. DC knew they went to their Dads on Saturdays. So when he started being flaky they noticed. Plus you can't plan anything (with or without DC) if you don't know until the last minute if you'll have them.

Yes, seeing the pain of them being fully rejected is awful. But the repeated rejection was like death by a thousand cuts.

See, I can't believe you're genuinely the mother in this situation and say things like this about your own child's welfare. You don't think this man owes your kids to be consistent and responsible? 🫠

I don't get how you're not seeing that's already the case? Except that someone who stayed consistent in staying away could be explained as respecting the child's best interests by staying away rather than this man who wants nothing to do with them for years at a time. If he now makes contact and stops again for 3 years do you not think that will be super damaging? They already know this man isn't interested in maintaining contact nor is he interested in their financial wellbeing, the daddy issues are magnified by someone who comes and goes but you don't wanna hear it.

The alternative is that your children could grow up with boundaries, learning what love looks like and what it doesn’t, what to accept and what they deserve far far more than.

Their dad fucked off for years, they already will have abandonment issues, and not feeling good enough. That ship has well and truly sailed.

I would take no dad over a crap dad every time.

So I guess they’re going to have issues either way, because of him.

Do you want to teach your kids to accept this level of shit from their relationships? You’re genuinely happy for them to grow up thinking this is what love looks like, to accept the bare minimum?

That’s not the point. If you don’t need the money, put it into savings for them. If he was a good dad and a decent man, he would provide that money.

But that’s not really the point, he should be volunteering to support them to have a roof over their heads/food on their table/clothes on their backs. He’s their father, he’s 50% responsible for their welfare.

It's very obvious that OP does not actually think the dc's father has any actual responsibility. She's quite happy for him to swan in and out. And perhaps her children see hin as just a fun uncle who turns up occassionally. Let's hope.

The bar is so low so often and, too often, it's being held that low by the women who have their children.

My dad left when I was 6 and it was probably the only good decision he ever made.

Contact continued for a little while sporadically but as some pp have said, my mum always had to pick up the pieces when he couldn't be bothered to show up.

Once he kept me waiting at the window for hours looking for his car, only for his new side piece to then call the house phone on his behalf to say he wasn't coming, wouldn't in fact be coming any more, because he didn't want me.

Having no dad rather than that sad excuse for a man has made my life infinitely easier and better. It also improved my relationship with my mum.

I do not have a dad. He is still alive, but he's no dad of mine. There's a blank space on my marriage certificate where his name should be.

You have clearly not seen the damage an inconsistent dad does to a child.

My 3 DC are all adults now but 1 of my DC refused to celebrate a birthday for over 10 years after sitting watching and waiting for her dad to turn up as he promised on her 6th birthday.

The disappointment when they make another empty promise and let them down again, each time hurts as much as the 1st time. The constant questioning why aren't I enough to be his priority. All she ever wanted was him to pick her up from school even that was too much apparently.

Their dad is now deceased and although that brings its only heartache and pain at least the rejection every week was over.

I can honestly say no dad is far better than a crap dad

You shouldn’t have to claim money, a good dad would volunteer it.

But op saying that is very different than meaning it. Obviously those women find it hard being apart from their kids but recognise that the dad needs to have a role. I think most parents would find only having access to their children half the week really upsetting- that's natural and normal. Obviously there are other significant challenges to being a lone parent but flippant comments like that really mean nothing unless they're acting on it. Which from your description- they aren't. Sometimes as a lone parent I think God if i had shared custody I could go out and take up a hobby and have time for myself in a week, but then I think I'd really miss ds and therein lies the rub. Neither option is easy and it's a case of grass being greener..I envy my sisters ability to have nights out with her friends, she envies that I never have to miss my son because he's always with me. Unless someone is actively using that as an excuse and refusing to allow any contact that's a meaningless comment.

I'd also seriously question why you or your ex think it's remotely acceptable that he's brought children into this world and doesn't feel the need to contribute financially to their provision and be accountable and responsible in that way. Whether or not you can make ends meet alone is neither here nor there. Any decent man would be insisting on paying towards his children or at the very least have a savings account for them building with the cms you've refused to take. I'd judge any man doing that far harsher than a woman who doesn't want to be seperated from her kids.