To not believe no dad is better

Yes its "allowed" but my ex then told anyone who would listen that I wasn't letting him see them. Including them. So if i made plans I got abuse and upset DC when they saw him again and he told them he wanted to see them but I hadn't let them. Lucky you if your ex never does/ did this.

No you weren’t. You were hoping everyone would agree with you so you could justify your decision to yourself.

The fact you’re raising children to accept the bare minimum, which will lead them to engage in unhealthy relationships themselves throughout their lives, isn’t enough?

I’m wondering why you came to AIBU? It’s clear you are sure that you’re not.

I think the title is clear that she is saying she doesn’t believe that no dad is better. It literally says ‘to not believe no dad is better’.

I get where you are coming from, but it is so complicated. For example my DP ex would call him a crap dad even though he is an excellent dad. I'm sure some people say things like 'no dad, is better than a crap dad' because they struggle to separate their relationship with that person over the relationship that person has with their children.

Obviously some dads are just shit dads. If you are a really shit dad, that is causing emotional damage, I'd say it's better not to have them around. Whether people who have experienced this feel differently I can't say.

Not read all the posts so apologies if it's been said, but a lot of people will have voted you unreasonable because of the title, thinking you're saying you believe no dad is better than a bad one.
Yes, people should know their dads, for medical reasons, and because girls who have a good relationship with their dad are more likely to have positive relationships themselves, and boys are less likely to be violent.
Obviously, as you say, if you have a violent man who has left his kids black and blue, he shouldn't be living with them, but they have the right to know who he is.
There have been too many cases of people finding they are related to their date (because of not knowing their dad) for comfort. This has had serious consequences for people.

My parents split when I was 6m and divorced when I was 2 years old.
DM never prevented him from seeing me, he just wasn’t interested.
he conveniently went “on the sick” from work so he wasn’t forced to pay CMS so she received nothing from him toward my upbringing, at all!
he chose to only visit me 3 times a year - my birthday, Christmas and Easter with £20 and a card. Every year until I was about 15.
he never wanted to spend time with me, when he visited he would spend about 5 mins trying to talk to me, I would go off and play with my toys and he’d choose to try to talk to my DM, even with her reminding him that he was there to see me and not her…

She didn’t have a partner I was aware of until I was 17, so no “amazing stepfather” to raise me as his own. It was all on my DM (and her parents who babysat me)

I had no “father figure” and probably would’ve been better off not having a relationship with my dad that was based around 3 visits a year when he never lived more than 45 mins drive from us and always knew where I lived.

The thought of not being good enough for my dad to want to spend actual time with me was harder to understand than if he just hadn’t bothered at all.

we lost touch around my late teens when I rang him to borrow £10 and he said “you only call when you want something” and I replied with “at least I call you”
we had zero contact until he had an accident and someone gave me his number. He called from his hospital bed to tell me of his injuries and that he would call me back the next day… it never happened.

I was 30 when my DM died and he didn’t come to the funeral (despite having attended my DGM’s funeral 6 years previous) and he died 2 years ago. I have since found out he told people he had been told he wouldn’t be welcome at DM’s funeral - odd since I had no way of contacting him and I’m an only child!

so in my case, no dad would’ve been a lot better than a crap dad.

Your ex partner is the very definition of a deadbeat dad though. Inconsistent contact followed by 3 years of no contact at all, not contributing financially towards the costs of raising his children… what is he, if not a deadbeat dad?

How do you make plans though? Ex was meant to have DC every Saturday, pick up at 10am. So i couldnt book anything for a Saturday. If I did he would claim i was stopping him seeing them. He refused to take them to clubs/parties. Then if he didnt turn up it was too late to do whatever I had wanted to plan.

But your kids dad is a dead beat dad and you’re still here trying to convince people how good he is for your poor kids😂

That's a straw man nothing to do with your situation though so why are you extrapolating that to lone mums with no support that they prefer it that way and are anti dad?

It was "easier" when ex wasn't stopping because I could make plans that i knew wouldn't be cancelled last minute. I could book holidays/clubs/days out/accept party invites without worrying that he would decide he did want to see them that week/claiming I blocked contact if I told him they were busy
It was easier because my DC weren't crying every week wondering why Daddy didn't turn up again.

The day to say grind, only decision maker, only person earning money, unable to have a bath/poo unaccompanied was brutal.

HTH

No they don't tbh they may say as PP did it's easier then the in and out and constant messing the kids about but it's never easy to see your kids suffer and have a shit farm and it's never easy to raise kids alone.

Is there a reason why you think all mums are X and you're not somehow?

What a load of misogynistic bull.You sound like a mens rights activist.