To not believe no dad is better

When I say no dad is better than a crap dad, I am thinking about abuse. There are no thoughts of step-fathers.

You can’t ignore the abuse category. It’s shockingly common and children live with the consequences for their entire lives.

It’s impossible to agree/disagree with you as it really depends on what we are defining as ‘crap’.

I don’t understand your logic, you acknowledge being rejected can be incredibly painful but you still think that’s better than no dad? You are the one being too simplistic here.

When is this ever said about Dad's who aren't abusive? Or is it just you don't accept the dad you're hearing about is abusive?

I think I read some research that found girls do better but boys don’t, which makes sense to me.

Do you have a good dad op? Because if so I can see why you feel this way. The only positive from having a shit dad is you DONT have that feeling that you maybe missed out on a good dad. What I AM left with is the wondering if how life would have been if he'd not been shit or pissed off earlier. Life is messy and I'm 43 and I've not spoken to him other than at my mums funeral in around 20 years. I can look at his life as a child and the man went through a lot and there's reason to believe he had serious undiagnosed mental health issues and probably underlying nejrodivergence. I'm old enough now to accept the harm he caused me was collateral damage. But the trauma of have been spared by not going through that may have made me a whole different person and my own life easier, who knows.

But yeah there are instances where no dad is not the worst case scenario and they don't even have to be all that extreme. However my mum was amaIng in so many ways yet still flawed and fallible like we all are. Oad give my right arm to have her back. However when those with toxic mothers tell me they are better off no contact I have to assume they know better than me.

Well I think it depends on the degree of crapness. Even if the behaviour falls below the level of abuse do you think it’s great for your children’s whole brain development to be molded by someone sub par. You want them to learn to accept a crap partnership? Dads don’t do nappies, dads don’t cook dinner, dads don’t know how the washing machine works. ( I mean I don’t know what types of things you mean exactly ). In think maybe in some cases the poverty would be so severe as a single parent that a slightly shit dad who earns money is the lesser of the two evils.

Would you want a man in your life who said he was taking you somewhere, so you got ready, sat waiting, and he didn't turn up?
Who hid how much money he had so he didn't have to buy things you needed?
Who would turn up, tell you you were 'his world', show you his new tattoo of your name, then disappear for a month?
Who had a drink problem? Or you had to visit in prison?
If you think no, I'd run a mile from that load of red flags. You can probably get an idea why people don't want it for their children.

You've obviously never experienced a excited child sat waiting on the stairs to go out for a icecream, or the zoo or even swimming and her dad decided he'd just rather not, or forgets their birthday, or sods off for months at at a time then decides he feels like being a parent again. The tears, upset and endless letdowns. I'd rather he just never bothered than a ton of broken promises, her holding a fathers day card she made and he never turned up. So yes I'd rather no dad than a crap one. ( he completely changed after her birth) as a teenager she stopped bothering at all.

my niece has the most horrible dad who makes her feel like shit every time he decides to come into her life (every few years) This is defo not better than having no contact with him

You are trying to make a general point about something only said in specific situations. The step dad point doesn't contradict the argument, it's said to essentially tell people there are options other than tying to change a deadbeat. You can spend too much of your time chasing an impossible dream, it can drain you dry, and there is power in saying enough.