Annoyed with Husband’s attitude over laundry and weekends etc

I dunno op, I’d be extremely pissed off. My dh leaves about 5:45-6am. Then he collects our dc at 6 and starts dinner and bath, homework and stories, bedtimes, then by 9, 9:30 we have them in bed and are cleaning up dinner and doing school lunches. neither of us catches a break at our place till well past 8:30, and weekends are packed,
we are both running around non stop with the kids sports schedules, cooking and cleaning. So I couldn’t accept your dhs schedule. He needs to commit to something like 4 hours enthusiastic parenting and cleaning each day on the weekend. Kids exist 24/7.

Poor guy must be dead on his feet

Firstly, Tell him he can do his own laundry, then you won’t need to nag him.
Secondly, go out with your DC and have a nice time. Don’t try and drag Daddy into it. It will work much better.

Longer term he needs to plan his time so he can enjoy his DC, and actually get to know them. Currently I assume he only sees them at the weekend, and barely then?
DH used to stay over night in a cheap hotel a couple of nights a week. He’d stay over Monday and Thursday night, so he didn’t need to commute as much. He was much better rested.

I think he's checked out of the marriage and being a Parent.

He thinks earning ££££ is all he has to do.

Tell him you want a divorce because you would be better off as a single parent (which you are now anyway) with him paying CMS. You then have 1 less person to skivvy for and could possibly afford a cleaner a couple of hours a week.

He can live his single life.

win-win

My husband has a similar workweek in terms of hours but he does shift work so it includes nights and weekends. He is exhausted but is very good to plan days out with our son no matter how tired he is. He doesn't do a lot of housework but that's mainly because I get the majority done while he's at work. On days off he has a lie in but does some cleaning tasks, cutting the grass, hoovering and cleaning windows/oven. I feel its balanced and works well for us overall.

you can’t “chill” in your room watching tv every weekend when you’re a parent of small children. You get to do that when the children are asleep.

This is it, he can't just pretend his kids don't exist because he is tired. It is the life he has chosen.

Can he stay over some nights instead of commuting every day? He does fuck all when he's home anyway so it wouldn't make any difference to you or the kids, and he may not be so tired when he does come home.

Just take the kids out without him, he sounds miserable.

If he wants it washing, it goes in the basket. Tell him that, from now on, you will assume that any clothes left on the floor are surplus to requirements and need to be disposed of.

There are ways to sort the housework issue, but he takes no joy in his children and that's a bigger problem.

Hs work days are far too long, until that is sorted nothing will improve.

My DH does 60+ hrs per week so not quite as many as yours, but I also work full time with a 2.5hr roynd trip commute per day.

Honestly? We have a cleaner who comes in once a week for five hours to do all the cleaning and ironing. So that is something neither of us has to worry about. Could you do the same?

I don't mind doing the laundry and DH does most of the cooking. We are a team because we communicate how we are feeling and we'll often have a look ahead at the start of each week and see where the pressure points are and who can pick up to support the other if needs be.

As cheesy as it sounds, we are a team and, when I am picking up the majority of the mental load some weeks, he takes over when we know there is some let up and he takes over. There is no resentment because we are always talking. Otherwise, where is the balance? When do you get a chance to watch tv all weekend and rest? That's not fair.

I would just wash what's in the laundry basket, he will soon learn when he runs out of clothes , and move anything he has left on the floor to his side of the bed and ignore it. My DH puts washing in the laundry basket and does housework regardless of what time he has started or finished work.
You do need to have a sit down conversation with him about time with family and weekends. Did he actually want to have children? Because he behaves like he didn't want them, that's not fair on them and needs to change.
I don't understand why you have reduced your working hours , isn't he earning a lot of money for all these hours? He should have paid for someone to help you with cleaning and laundry if you were struggling. You should be a team or a partnership, he's not doing that.

A lot of husbands choose not to have a 75 hours week...
My husband wouldn't have a family at home if a 75 hour job like was his choice.

How long is 'for now'? What is the long-term plan?
Because this work pattern is not sustainable - so how long are you expecting him to sustain it?
He is seriously damaging his health, and his relationship with his children. You need a firm plan for when this will change - as soon as possible.

As so many others have said, there is absolutely no reason for him to treat you like his personal maid. That is so disrespectful.
Tell him, if clothes are not in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. Then implement it. Just shove all his clothes into a pile in the corner and vacuum around them. Don't 'nag' or keep remining him, tell him once, then stick to what you have said.

You are enabling his behaviour. Tell him that it won't get washed if it's not in the laundry basket and leave it on the floor.

You need to discuss what is happening in family life at weekends ... come to a reasonable agreement.

He's working an unsustainable amount of hours, and he has nothing left to give to his family. My husband has times where he does days of that length, and he's always exhausted those weeks. (Although never disrespectful)
Your husband must be shattered and probably quite burnt out. It's not a reason to disrespect you and ignore your children but honestly I couldn't live in that situation, it really sounds like something needs to change.

You work part time, do housework on days off and weekends shoukd be 50 50 with kids, u don't always have to take kids out let them play in garden whilst do laundry cook tea, take it in turns to lie in sat sun if he won't tell him he can have access to kids sat all day whilst u live on your own!

My husband gets up for work at 4am, he’s out the door 15 mins later.
he has a 12 hour day / 5 days a week and do you know want he does when he gets home?

he puts his clothes straight in HIS washing basket. On a Saturday he empties HIS washing basket and puts a wash on, then he hangs HIS clothes on the line and puts it all away when it’s dry.

he cooks most nights and picks up from childcare when needed too.

no knighthood needed here though. That’s just him being a well adjusted adult, good father and respectful husband.

My DH was a SAHP, I worked the long hours, spent mo this overseas etc.

My weekends went like this.... Lie in until 10.30, breakfast in bed - my DH was a peach. Then up and on my own did the shopping with kids, went to park, visited friends/family etc. My DH got the weekend off. We sent our washing out. He cleaned the house and cooked. It worked for us, though it used to annoy me that he never wanted to come out as a family to the park unless food and beer were involved! In Mijas Costa, Spain where we regularly holidayed, he would be in the park with the kids all the time cos there are bars in children's parks or on the beach for the same reason...

Your DH cannot isolate from his children for almost all of the week every week, that's ridiculous. He needs to step and what's with the clothes is he a child? Make him do his own washing.

It's no doubt a long tough week for him but it's no excuse for how he's treating you. My 3 and 5 year olds put their dirty clothes in their washing baskets, put their plates in the dishwasher and empty the bottom half of it.

His job is unsustainable.

He must be making a lot of money, in which case you need to hire a cleaner.

Its pathetic that he can’t even put his laundry in the basket - my DC have done this from about 4 years old.
If he was single would he seriously have dirty laundry everywhere when he invited women around?!

I would give him some leeway and not expect him to do much on weekdays.
That means still putting his dishes in the sink, dirty clothes in the laundry basket etc - cleaning up after himself.

I’d allow him a lie in one day a week but the rest of the weekend everything should be 50/50.
They are his kids too and needs to at least parent on weekends.

The clothes and washing situation, just stop doing it. If it’s not in the basket it doesn’t get washed. If it’s on the floor, move it (with your foot) to his side of the bed so it doesn’t affect you. After it’s washed put it on a pile on his side of the bed and let him put it away. My DH used to ball up his dirty socks together and put them in the laundry basket, as if I would want to un-roll them for the wash. As I fold/ball clean socks I started to put them in his clean sock drawer… he stopped doing it when he realised his socks were dirty.

Earning money does not absolve you from the responsibilities of being a parent or husband, which is a stance that so many men seem to adopt in life and think is 100% acceptable?!
What do you get from this relationship OP? Think about this question long and hard, then provide an honest answer.....

My DH wasn’t out quite that early but he also was away about 100 nights a year. Every weekend he went for a swim at 6am (as he did every day he was home), would come back and take the kids back to the pool for a couple hours. Then the afternoons was fur chilling - kids might have a okay date or party but he watched sport whatever. Sunday we generally we went out and f we weren’t hurting my parents for Sunday lunch. Out to a country pub etc as a family. Later that afternoon he’d spend a couple hours doing paperwork - he liked to match receipts to bank statements and so on. Then dinner bathe the kids then put them to bed.
So even though he had a high pressure job he was still pretty present at weekends. He didn’t do lie ins. You’re working at work, but that doesn’t mean you get time off at home when you have a family.

He's not at work 5.30-8.30 5 days a week even with his commute. At best he's going socializing after too. Unless his commute is a 5 hour round trip in which case move closer to his work. I wouldn't even do that, I'd just leave him.