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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my SIL to not visit after 6:30 pm on a Sunday evening?

159 replies

Goinggreymammy · 07/06/2026 16:45

SIL is about 4 years younger than us, doesn't have a partner or children. Has a very busy job with lots of out of hours calls, emails etc. She has friends and sometimes sees them or goes hiking on weekends. She lives about 15 mins drive away and we rarely see her. My 3 children are her only nieces/nephews. She doesn't allow us to visit her house (yes, literally says no..... once my son, 7, wanted to use the toilet and she was giving my son and DH a lift home she said no, he couldn't go in, just drove them home. )
Anyway she does her weekly shop in a place near us and every month or so will arrive around 7pm to visit. If I ask if she had a busy day.... no, just some WFH, etc. We just aren't enough to visit without adding us onto her shopping. My kids are older now but they have sports fixtures on Sundats so need showers before bed. And I try to have some downtime, watch a family show together etc, then do stories. So I find the random 7pm visits annoying. She just messaged to say she would call later, when I queried time - yes.. Around 7.
She organised a meal out for PIL, BIL, herself and my DH and I a month ago and it was on a Sunday at 5pm. Why can't she call here at 5pm?
YABU. Suck it up.
YANBU say something.

OP posts:
whitefluffydog · 07/06/2026 17:40

murkydepths · 07/06/2026 17:09

I don't really understand how she's combining this with a shopping trip as virtually everywhere closes at 4 or 5pm on a Sunday.

May be sits alone at a pub in the hope of meeting someone? And when no one comes , she comes to the relatives

Beigepjs · 07/06/2026 17:38

Text her back that it doesn't suit you on a sunday evening, and keep doing so.

BudgetBuster · 07/06/2026 17:36

That's a very big backstory when obviously it is never unreasonable to just say to ANYBODY "No, sorry that doesn't suit us"

sontamol · 07/06/2026 17:35

Tell her you will be calling over to her at 5pm next Sunday for an hour. You will not be allowed in (WTAF!), so when she says, no I'll call over to you, say you will be on your way to X which is in her direction so that won't work. Bullshit your way through this slightly bonkers woman's defences. I'd have fun with this TBH.

ClayPotaLot · 07/06/2026 17:34

Seems a lot of angst and resentment instead of just being clear about what works for you and what doesn't.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/06/2026 17:30

Why doesn't she allow anyone in her house? I can't believe that she didn't allow her nephew to use the toilet.

Just tell her that it isn't convenient for her to visit on a Sunday evening. She doesn't worry about offending you by not letting you into her home so don't worry about offending her.

HadEnoughOfBears · 07/06/2026 17:26

Pinkchickenwine · 07/06/2026 17:12

That’s what I thought! How does it work tagging this onto shopping, as OP said

We just aren't enough to visit without adding us onto her shopping

Are you in the UK OP?

She well could be in the UK.

Scotland for example…

Delphiniumandlupins · 07/06/2026 17:23

Just tell your SiL, or get your DH to tell her, that this doesn't work for you. She is perfectly comfortable not allowing people into her home, let her know you have boundaries too.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 07/06/2026 17:22

She just messaged to say she would call later, when I queried time - yes.. Around 7.

And you responded with what? Hopefully you said something like “sorry, that’s not really convenient for us, can we arrange another time”, rather than just expecting her to know it’s not ok with you.

thisisyoursign · 07/06/2026 17:20

YANBU. It’s tricky when stuff like this is the norm or ingrained. In a similar situation we had to keep reinforcing it each time they asked and it eventually stuck. It did feel a bit awkward each time but I’d rather that than feeling tired/put out/resentful

Delphiniumandlupins · 07/06/2026 17:20

Pinkchickenwine · 07/06/2026 17:12

That’s what I thought! How does it work tagging this onto shopping, as OP said

We just aren't enough to visit without adding us onto her shopping

Are you in the UK OP?

Scotland is in the UK. Shops don't shut at 4pm on Sunday here.

ApolloandDaphne · 07/06/2026 17:18

PuppyMonkey · 07/06/2026 17:13

Reply saying you can’t do 7pm. Shops all shut at 4pm on a Sunday round here anyway.

Or she might be in Scotland where it's business as usual at the supermarket on a Sunday?

Rhaidimiddim · 07/06/2026 17:18

Nobody needs a relative regularly turning up at their house at any time of the week, ley alone a Sunday evening, which is IMHO very bad timing. Not just because of DC bedtimes, but because it is also when you settle in to the last scraps of the weekend and gear yourself up.memtally for the next working week.

Her big brother needs to have a word and tell her generally not tp drop in, ever, uninvited.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2026 17:17

Why would you suck it up? Why would you host someone who refuses to host your family and shows up uninvited? Tell her it’s not a good time every time she tries to show up.

HedgehogsOnTheWall · 07/06/2026 17:16

murkydepths · 07/06/2026 17:09

I don't really understand how she's combining this with a shopping trip as virtually everywhere closes at 4 or 5pm on a Sunday.

Not in Scotland. My local Tesco is open until 10pm tonight, same as every other night.

Travelfairy · 07/06/2026 17:16

By shopping do you mean a grocery shop? If so are her groceries not defrosting/going off on her car while she's at yours?
I would get DH to say something, maybe offer her to call in before she shops if that works?

sontamol · 07/06/2026 17:15

I don't have children and live alone. I wouldn't dream of calling in to my siblings on a Sunday at 7pm or any time that day really unless invited over. Might sound anal, but Sundays are family days, and prep in the evening for the next day I would have thought so I wouldn't interrupt. There are six other evenings in the week and Saturday too during the day.

It's just called being perceptive to family set ups different to your own really. Well that's my take on it. I am welcome in siblings homes BTW, but just not on Sunday after about 4pm or so. All are welcome in my house, and I have two toilets with no charge to use 😊

Dimms · 07/06/2026 17:14

UniquePinkSwan · 07/06/2026 17:11

Maybe he doesn’t mind his sister coming to visit

Maybe not. But his priorities are all wrong if he is putting his sister before his DW

PuppyMonkey · 07/06/2026 17:13

Reply saying you can’t do 7pm. Shops all shut at 4pm on a Sunday round here anyway.

Fizzybluewater · 07/06/2026 17:13

But is he helping with the kids? If OP and h are busy with the kids it's not practical in the evening.

Pinkchickenwine · 07/06/2026 17:12

murkydepths · 07/06/2026 17:09

I don't really understand how she's combining this with a shopping trip as virtually everywhere closes at 4 or 5pm on a Sunday.

That’s what I thought! How does it work tagging this onto shopping, as OP said

We just aren't enough to visit without adding us onto her shopping

Are you in the UK OP?

UniquePinkSwan · 07/06/2026 17:11

Dimms · 07/06/2026 17:11

I agree with this.

Your DH really needs to step up here and have a word with her.

Maybe he doesn’t mind his sister coming to visit

Dimms · 07/06/2026 17:11

DaisyChain505 · 07/06/2026 16:50

Surely this is your husbands issue to deal with not yours. Tell your husband you don’t want visitors that late and that he needs to talk to her. If he won’t then you just make yourself unavailable whenever she comes. Go off and have a bath, say you’re going out to meet friends.

As for her not wanting people in her house, that could be for a whole host of reasons. She could be a secret hoarder, she could have severe OCD or she could just plain and simple not want kids in her home. Either way it hasn’t really got anything to do with the issue at hand.

I agree with this.

Your DH really needs to step up here and have a word with her.

murkydepths · 07/06/2026 17:09

I don't really understand how she's combining this with a shopping trip as virtually everywhere closes at 4 or 5pm on a Sunday.

Glittertwins · 07/06/2026 17:09

Well if she doesn’t allow your family to visit her house, play the same game back on her?