To ask my SIL to not visit after 6:30 pm on a Sunday evening?

Look, OP, you can tell anyone not to visit at a specific time for any reason. We don’t need all that backstory about her childfree and single status, her job, her friendships her shopping schedule and how often she sees your children.

But just use your words. Say a couple of hours earlier would be more convenient. She’s not psychic.

Just tell her .

I have the same issue with my DM. She often comes with her partner during the day and that's fine but at 6.30 I have to say Right.....time to call it a day etc.

It can be a bit awkward but it's just the way it is.

I think she thinks it's odd but sorry we have an evening routine and I'm not going to jeopardise it.

When my dc were small, I always told people when would be inconvenient eg after 7 or phoning on weekdays at the time the kids were being put to bed. Why would you not?

Just tell her 7.00pm on a Sunday does not work for us - maybe we'll see you some other time. It definitely would not have worked for me when my kids were young and wouldn't work for me now - so I would have no problem saying that to someone who has been suiting themselves all week-end and fits me in when it is convenient for them. A hard no.

As per every other message, say that doesn't work for us. Would love to see [suggest time & day that works for you].

Sorry, 7pm is a bad time for us with the kids-can you come earlier maybe next Saturday? Come at 3 for a cuppa?

When she texts why don't you just tell her it's not convenient on a Sunday evening. How is she going to get the message otherwise ?

If someone visits and the time doesn't work for you, you tell them. It's why we have mouths.

Absolutely….

Why can't she visit on her way TO DO her shopping, rather than afterwards? Doesn't all her shopping defrost/get warm in the car while she's visiting?

And anyway, the words 'no sorry, we can't do Sunday evening. Why not come for tea instead?' might work.

I am weird about Sundays.
They are like the ultimate school night to me.
Not like a normal school night but a much schoolier school night. I feel like I have to have a very "thorough" school night in order to feel ready for the week. We have a heartier dinner, the kids get a dessert, everyone has a bath or a shower, my daughter has her once a week hair treatment, I have a face pack, nails are trimmed, rooms must be tidy, lunches must be made the night before on a Sunday the old "fuck it, I'll make them in the morning" is not acceptable on this school night of all school nights. All homework must be checked etc etc.
I then often meal prep for the week ahead when the kids are settled.
I would not appreciate my schooliest school night being interrupted unless I was very comfortable getting on with my own thing with the person around, or better still, if they were the kind of Auntie who enjoys pitching in by helping with homework or reading bedtime stories.

It doesn't sound like she is this this kind of SIL given that she won't even let her own nephew use her toilet so I would politely tell her that it's not the best time for you. Or get DH to.

I need to know what the hell she's up to in her house to be so cagey though. Do you think it's a secret weed farm?

Never knew this. Very civilised.

Your SiL isn't doing anything wrong, tbh. She's got her firm boundaries about people going to her house, which is one thing, and she messages you about once a month to say that she's in the area and thought she'd drop in? Not the worst social crimes in the great scheme of things.

I completely agree that it's an annoying time - I wouldn't want anyone landing on us on a Sunday evening - but just tell her! She might just be under the impression that she's welcome and it's not a problem. This is definitely one of those things that should be sorted with a bit of normal communication, I would think.

Perfectly reasonable to say “Sunday evenings don’t work for us but we’re happy to have you round at x time/day”.

Yabu for not just saying sorry no, we are busy.
Yanbu to find it irritating that she drops in on her own terms when it suits her and makes no effort otherwise.

Is she supposed to read your mind? If you don't tell her it doesn't work for you, she'll carry on visiting on a Sunday evening.

Tell her that time doesn’t work for you. If she isn’t a parent herself maybe she doesn’t get the madness of Sunday evenings.

What issues has the woman got anyway? Is she a bit bonkers or does she actually suffer from some anti social illness/hoarding/secret lover in the attic etc. I want the full story, there's a lot of info missing and I hate that!

“Sorry 7pm is to late, we’re getting ready for the week.” Easy.

Do this…sorry busy, can’t do tonight. We are around your way next Wednesday ( or a much more inconvenient day) and will pop in so you can have a catch -up with us and the kids. Every time. Do not answer you door to her- send the text - sorry busy tonight… Enjoy!

"Sorry, 7pm is too late as we'll be doing bath and bed time."

I wouldn't want to know someone who wouldn't allow me into her home like that though.

Say no and advise when it is ok. It's only on Sunday that it is difficult from what I gather.

Just text back - sorry that time doesn't work for us.

Or she comes and you get on with stuff round her - and go and do rest bit in your bed room.