To ask my SIL to not visit after 6:30 pm on a Sunday evening?

I was gonna say! Where are these people that shops are shutting at 4 on a Sunday? Where I am most shops operate normal trading hours on a Sunday.

I sometimes think my family are too honest and vocal until I read something like this and realise some families won't make simple requests of each other! I just can't get my head around someone coming on here to ponder this with strangers instead of saying 'hey SIL. 7pm is tricky with bedtimes. How about 5? Eat with us?'

I think 'we love seeing you but Sunday evenings are pretty hectic here with showers, school prep etc so can you come on ....day (or just 'another day')' would be fine. I wouldn't use 'doesn't work for us' as it sounds meaner!

You're ok. Every relationship is a give & take in some way. Just casually text her early in the week innocently mentioning Sunday evening plans... every week for a month.

Seriously? You've got six days.a week when you can shop there till late, you've got six hours on Sunday when you can shop there. What's so essential about shopping on a Sunday evening?

Just read the updates about Scotland being business as usual on Sundays….how lovely. I hate the fact that I can’t go to Tesco's on a Sunday after 4 🫤

Where does she find to go shopping on a Sunday evening? And no you’re not BU, you need to spell it out that no, it’s not convenient.

answer the door in your pyjamas or a skimpy negligee? "early bedtime on a sunday, soz"

"it's a bit late actually, next Sunday why don't you come and watch Lily at her rugby match in the morning then come over for a roast?"

"Bobby's doing his homework and Kit's in the shower, I know they stay up later now they're getting older but it'd be much better if we met up earlier in the day, shall we do a hike next week? a barbecue?" etc

You sound as if you don't particularly like her (or dislike her) and neither does her own brother. Why don't you stop elevating 'family' simply because of shared genetics? - Chosen family can be just as good, even superior.

Why not invite her round to eat with you on the Sunday evening, if it’s just her it’s only one more mouth to feed.
you could respond with “7pm is a bit late for the kids getting ready for bed, why don’t you join us for tea (dinner) at 5:30?”

You can’t control what other people do, though, only what you do. Whether or not the SIL likes visitors is irrelevant here, especially as it doesn’t sound as if the OP has any interesting in visiting her. The OP, on the other hand, does get to decide whether to use her words to (1) tell her to stop her once a month visit altogether, (2) to come two hours earlier, or (3) to arrange an entirely different time that works for everyone.

Invite her? At your convenience?

Just tell her 7 on a Sunday evening is prep for bedtime and the week and not best timing so could she come earlier.

She is unaware, (non parents just are) you seem to be waiting for everyone to get it right or wrong as a test.

Just communicate directly.

Ah, that's a common problem, a man who won't say boo to any of his female relatives (but is quite happy for his wife to be upset).

But OP's SIL is like the cadre of Mumsnetters who regard an unannounced called as akin to a death threat. She doesn't let anyone into her house.

SIL is being completely hypocritical by expecting to be able to just turn up at an inconvenient time for her brother's family while never extending any sort of invitation to her own home and not even letting her nephew in to use her toilet.

He will never say no to them so I am the big baddie 😈 😂

Because many people are not like the cadre of Mners who regard an unannounced caller as akin to a death threat?

Er, why is she visiting at all without an invitation?
Obviously YANBU, OP.

Next time she turns up unannounced just carry on with the bedtime routine. If this means you're upstairs showering the kids or reading stories so be it. It you want to watch something with the kids watch it in their room upstairs. She'll soon get the hint that that time is not suitable to you when she's sitting downstairs on her own..

Of course you can say something. Suggest another time she can visit, but say after 7 on a Sunday doesn't work for you for the reasons you've given above.

Be positive to see her. You see her rarely.
Ask SIL to read stories and help with the kids.

As she leaves, suggest that next time she comes over to yours for dinner at 5:00 before her shopping.
That might break the cycle. Then it won't be difficult to suggest that she visits at 5 instead of 7. A meal together is much nicer and SIL won't stay late due to her shopping.

She's quite happy to say No to your son. I think you are able to say No to her!

You say you want your kids to know their aunt. Her coming round on a Sunday when they are getting ready for bed is hardly forming a relationship is it? She isnt behaving like a proper aunt and it sounds like she never has been so no loss to them if you say please dont turn up at 7 on a Sunday. Also its your house and just as much your right and responsibility to tell her whats what as your DH.

Your SIL says No when something doesn't suit her ,you need to do the same...

Oh no. Your in-laws = your husband / wife’s problem to deal with. Why weren’t they handling it?

Just as an FYI, where I am in Australia, major grocery stores are open until 10pm Sundays, usually 11pm weeknights. It’s convenient.