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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask if you would judge a mum for this? Honestly…

142 replies

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 16:43

AIBU to ask would you judge a mum who goes away without her dc? Even though she is separated and pretty much does it when they are with their dad? So long weekends etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 17:41

Booboobagins · 07/06/2026 17:40

Why judge her? Who are you? Seriously....

I’m not the one judging! Read the thread please

OP posts:
Summervibes83 · 07/06/2026 17:41

Your relative is an idiot and I'm judging them! Absolutely ignore it, and enjoy your time away.

Booboobagins · 07/06/2026 17:40

Why judge her? Who are you? Seriously....

StormGazing · 07/06/2026 17:37

I regularly do this and my DH manages! He also goes away too, I cope … it’s important to still be/do you

InconsequentialFerret · 07/06/2026 17:37

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 16:43

AIBU to ask would you judge a mum who goes away without her dc? Even though she is separated and pretty much does it when they are with their dad? So long weekends etc?

No

AlexaStopAlexaNo · 07/06/2026 17:36

Assuming the dad is a responsible co-parent then no, why would I?

whiteroseredrose · 07/06/2026 17:36

No. DH and I had a few nights away while DC were young. They stayed with my DM who they adored.

EnoughRain · 07/06/2026 17:35

No. Even though I’m very happily married, I’ve always thought one of the upsides of being divorced must be the regular weekends off!

youalright · 07/06/2026 17:35

I would if it was every weekend but a couple of times a year no. A family I know they work all week kids in nursery full time then every weekend kids stay at grandparents. I judge them

tichbrew · 07/06/2026 17:33

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 17:29

They are 11 and 13. I have been doing it since they were young enough though.

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I really think it's fine, if they are with a their Dad or another trusted family member then I don't see an issue at all.

waterSpider · 07/06/2026 17:30

I'd judge -- as being very sensible and completely normal. And maybe a 'perk' of good sharing parenting arrangements.

Original poster
Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 17:29

tichbrew · 07/06/2026 17:26

No I wouldn't I don't think I'd do it myself though until my children were a good bit older in their teens perhaps but I know lots of mums that do and I never really think anything of it.

They are 11 and 13. I have been doing it since they were young enough though.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 07/06/2026 17:29

Of course not, I’ve gone away with friends and left dc at home with their dad since they were really little.
You don’t cease to become a person in your own right the minute you have a baby.
It helps keeps friendships alive when you invest time in them too, you’ll need them and appreciate that you did when your dc are older like mine are now.

tichbrew · 07/06/2026 17:26

No I wouldn't I don't think I'd do it myself though until my children were a good bit older in their teens perhaps but I know lots of mums that do and I never really think anything of it.

Original poster
Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 17:25

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/06/2026 17:22

Why is it only ok if the kids are with their dad? Why couldn't they be with grandparents/friends etc?

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Yeah tbh there was once last year where I was away and their dad had to go somewhere to work so they stayed with my mum.

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/06/2026 17:22

ChaToilLeam · 07/06/2026 16:44

No, if they are with their dad then she can do what she wants.

Why is it only ok if the kids are with their dad? Why couldn't they be with grandparents/friends etc?

PfizerFan · 07/06/2026 17:22

Left my 2 year old with grandparents for six days while me and husband went on holiday. If anybody wants to judge, I don't care.

DopamineDeficient · 07/06/2026 17:21

Not at all, I go away every year whilst my child is with his dad.

As long as your child is getting holidays too then no reason to judge.

JLou08 · 07/06/2026 17:21

No. Mum's can have their own lives too.

Swissmeringue · 07/06/2026 17:17

I'm married to their dad and still go away by myself sometimes. Everyone needs a break!

godmum56 · 07/06/2026 17:13

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 16:49

Thank god! Thank you all so far. It is me yes. I just feel highly highly judged by a relative for going away. The dc are with their dad and he never makes me feel guilty! We are on good terms.

then tell your relative to keep their sticky beak out

Original poster
Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 17:12

Lmnop22 · 07/06/2026 17:10

That relative is jealous!

Those who think you get time “off” don’t realise that doing 50% of the parenting 100% of the time is identical in difficulty as doing 100% of the parenting 50% of the time. Their respite time is equal but the other parent doesn’t provide it from the same house!

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This made me tear up. Yes thank you so much. 🥹

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 07/06/2026 17:10

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 16:49

Thank god! Thank you all so far. It is me yes. I just feel highly highly judged by a relative for going away. The dc are with their dad and he never makes me feel guilty! We are on good terms.

That relative is jealous!

Those who think you get time “off” don’t realise that doing 50% of the parenting 100% of the time is identical in difficulty as doing 100% of the parenting 50% of the time. Their respite time is equal but the other parent doesn’t provide it from the same house!

MeanwhileinGilead · 07/06/2026 17:10

I wouldn't judge at all. Even if you were a single mum with no dad in the picture an occasional short trip alone or with friends is normal as long as they are well cared for in your absence. The only exception I can think of is if you were spending money you don't have or if you were going somewhere you knew the children want to go and choosing to go without them rather than putting it off until you all could go, but it doesn't sound like either of these is the case (and if it WERE, you would be a much better judge of that that a relative).

Whatifitallgoesright · 07/06/2026 17:10

Tell us about this relative.