AIBU to ask if you would judge a mum for this? Honestly…

You are doing nothing wrong, when your children are with their dad your time is your own. Pay no attention to this nosy relative.

I wouldn't judge you, but it isn't something that I would do.

I wouldn't want to be in a different country to my children when they were young or vulnerable (you said you'd been doing it since they were young). Anywhere in this country and if something happened, you could get to them. Once you're overseas, you're at the mercy of others to get back quickly if needed. And that's not always possible. I don't think I'd be able to relax.

It's not about trusting the other parent because illnesses, accidents etc can happen to anyone. And of course it's unlikely. The chances are that everything will be absolutely fine but for me to relax, I'd need to know that I could get to them if something happened.

I have a friend with similar children (both our children are SEN) and she travels when they are with their dad. I've never judged her in the slightest - didn't even occur to me, tbh.

I don't think you're wrong OP but neither am I. There's not one set way of "correct" parenting.

I don't care if you are married, separated, single ect and go without dc. A break is absolutely necessary. You can't just be "mum" all the time you need to be yourself. No judgement at all

No, not at all. I'd judge someone who was judgy about this, though.

I do the exact same thing and it is gloriously good for the soul!

No of course not, would you?

In the scenario you explained, absolutely not. You're still a human once you become a mum. I'm curious, does your relative judge couples who ask a family member to babysit whilst they go out too? Or is it just women doing something solely for themselves that they have an issue with?

I do judge any parent that goes away without also taking their children though. Especially if doing so means that their children go without in general.

Yes. When the kids are with their dad, if there's nothing she can be doing in their service, she should put herself away in the mum cupboard to await their return.

Unless there's a reason that it's a bad time for the kids to be without their mother, then no it's fine.

I wouldn't go away during, for example, exam times, or straight after a bereavement, or just before they have surgery as they'll be anxious about it. But assuming all is "normal" and balanced in their lives at that time, yep.

Nope. My parents did this. My mother did this. She went back to her home country to see her mother and relatives. They together went on holidays not suitable for young children.
Certainly can’t see the issue if the kids are at the dads?
Have a nice trip and don’t let anyone doubt your decisions if logic tells you are being completely reasonable.

I would judge her to have her head screwed on

No id never judge a mum for going away, I think it's a good thing for parents to still have a social life and life away from just being a mum.

I would judge you.

In a hugely positive way and I would applaud you. I’m sick of society (men and women) judging women and Mums in a completely different way to men.

Go on holiday without the children - judged
Work away from home for a few nights - judged
Start a new relationship - judged
Have a night out - judged

I have been away loads of times without my son, as has my ex-husband. We have also had some incredible holidays together. It obviously hasn’t impacted our relationship in any way, as he is now 21 and we are both on holiday together as we speak.

Go away and enjoy yourself and tell the nosey relative to mind their own bloody business. The busy body is obviously just jealous or a miserable fucker who has no life.

Completely fine imo. I have left mine with dh on several occasions and left them with my mum when Dh and I went away.

Well if someone has ridiculous opinions, its best to ignore them.

Is she supposed to sit in the house and mope?

she is getting out and filling her free time. Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

hell even if she wasn’t sharing custody, its normal and healthy to have time to yourself.

I’m more inclined to judge the people who think she needs judging. Whats wrong with your life? Is being a mum your whole personality

I’m with my Dh and go away several times a year with friends as does he. As you are separated what you do on your free time is your business. Whoever said it is probably jealous that you have a life outside of your kids.

Your relative is ridiculous.

Of course it's fine to do this

Is their dad in the wrong (according to your relative) for going away when the kids are with you?

Your relative is jealous or a misogynist nutbag (or both).

This. Why on earth would I judge that? Are we supposed to spend 24:7 with them for 18+ years?

I judge those who think it’s not ok to do this. Everyone is human. Time to ones self is essential, we all need a break even from our loved ones