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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you would judge a mum for this? Honestly…

142 replies

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 16:43

AIBU to ask would you judge a mum who goes away without her dc? Even though she is separated and pretty much does it when they are with their dad? So long weekends etc?

OP posts:
MummyWillow1 · 08/06/2026 19:10

No. But I did used to judge my neighbours who would both go away each summer together when the kids were small, kids didn’t go abroad with them will they were about 10+. But only to my DH!

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 08/06/2026 19:08

Years ago. I took my daughter away for a week leaving my two sons with their Dad (my DH). My mother-in-law was horrified. Fortunately my DH didn’t share her opinion.
Don’t judge anyone. You very rarely know the full circumstances and if no harm is done to anyone whatever does it matter.

Original poster
Whitediamondshoes · 08/06/2026 18:55

Ohnobackagain · 08/06/2026 18:52

And does she think Dad should never go away either on his own or is this judgement purely aimed at Mums @Whitediamondshoes ?

I have no idea, I have never asked. But my guess is no probably not tbh

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 08/06/2026 18:52

And does she think Dad should never go away either on his own or is this judgement purely aimed at Mums @Whitediamondshoes ?

TubeScreamer · 08/06/2026 18:34

No! I’d think it was a very healthy thing to do.

Bishbashbush · 08/06/2026 12:43

Nope! No judgement here. I go away without my kids all the time. We have holidays and trips together as a family but DP and I also like weekends away when DC are with their dad. We would just be sitting at home without them anyway so might as well have a nice date weekend.

TheFlyingPenguin · 08/06/2026 09:49

No. Why should they not be allowed child free time. A father gets cheered for just turning up for the fun stuff. Nasty double standard.

EverythingGolden · 08/06/2026 09:45

No or I’d be judging myself. Not a single parent but been away on girls weekends and left dd with her dad. Also been away as a couple for a night or two and left with mil. It wouldn’t occur to me to think there was anything wrong with this.

Sartre · 08/06/2026 09:38

No way. Many parents work away even when not separated, it’s a totally usual thing to do. Some go away for fun too. I don’t see an issue. You don’t cease being a human in your own right once you become a parent.

Original poster
Whitediamondshoes · 08/06/2026 08:54

Redflagsabounded · 07/06/2026 21:07

Next time say ' I'm so lucky child is confident with a secure attachment to me, so I can do these things with no issues. It must be soooo difficult for parents who have insecure children.'

And then if (when) she gets annoyed because you implied her children are insecure, say that you didn't say that at all, but (sympathy face) if its something she's worried about, you're here for her to talk any time

Edited

To be honest I think it’s the other way around. They will go on sleepovers etc so it’s not them.

OP posts:
Redflagsabounded · 07/06/2026 21:07

Next time say ' I'm so lucky child is confident with a secure attachment to me, so I can do these things with no issues. It must be soooo difficult for parents who have insecure children.'

And then if (when) she gets annoyed because you implied her children are insecure, say that you didn't say that at all, but (sympathy face) if its something she's worried about, you're here for her to talk any time

Naunet · 07/06/2026 20:36

Anyone who sees women as full human beings in their own right and not one dimentional service bots, wouldn't judge this. And who cares about the opinions of the type that do?

Whyherewego · 07/06/2026 20:35

Not only do I go away but sometimes, shock horror, I used to go away even when I was supposed to have them ! They have turned out ok (so far)! Lol your relative is bonkers

Inmyuggs · 07/06/2026 20:33

No
A healthy relationship require's a mum to have her own life as well.
I go away for a weekend once a year...refreshes me and my kids love to stay with other family.

Lecruesetisntright · 07/06/2026 20:32

I go away loads without my kids, I couldn't care less if people judge. I know my kids are loved and cared for.

Original poster
Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 20:17

Thank you everyone. I know I’m being silly but when you know you’re being judged it’s hard not to second guess your decisions

OP posts:
beeble347 · 07/06/2026 19:34

Omg no way! Both my BIL and SIL (married) have been on holidays just with their friends, they didn't enjoy a holiday with their oldest when she was a toddler so only recently did a staycation with the kids. My mum went on holiday without us - actually she went on a business trip when I was 6 months old! That last one's not for me but could suit other people (lucky them!)

PoorPhaedra · 07/06/2026 19:27

I’m guessing that the relative thinks that when the kids are with their dad you should be sat at home, crying and wringing your hands with grief for every minute as you miss them so much and you should only come back to life when the kids come home to you?

HobGobblynne · 07/06/2026 19:19

In general no. The only time I have is a woman I knew who went on holiday a couple of times a year without her kids who’d never been abroad themselves. Just couldn’t imagine not wanting to experience it with them.

TheCurious0range · 07/06/2026 19:12

I'm away next weekend! No DH or DS in sight. Bliss

ETA I'm away with 5 friends and 4 of us have children, none of whom will be there!

Dweetfidilove · 07/06/2026 18:58

5128gap · 07/06/2026 18:15

Yes. When the kids are with their dad, if there's nothing she can be doing in their service, she should put herself away in the mum cupboard to await their return.

😂😂😂

ChocolateCinderToffee · 07/06/2026 18:50

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 16:49

Thank god! Thank you all so far. It is me yes. I just feel highly highly judged by a relative for going away. The dc are with their dad and he never makes me feel guilty! We are on good terms.

They're probably envious.

Sgreenpy · 07/06/2026 18:49

I go away without my child. And have done since he was small (age 2 or 3)
His dad has also gone away- for work and leisure.
We're not separated.
I go with my girlfriends who also have children, who they leave at home.
Athens is our next destination!
*my child is 19 now btw

DesperatelyConfused6 · 07/06/2026 18:42

I'm shipping my DC out to my in-laws for October half-term to go away for a few nights with my boyfriend (I'm widowed - DHs parents are completely understanding and are happy to have my DC to accomodate this.)

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/06/2026 18:35

Whitediamondshoes · 07/06/2026 18:21

Yes I think she does to be honest. They don’t seem to do much else than “focus on their dc”

Show quote history

This is your sister isnt it?

I wonder if it's not that she won't but that she can't for whatever reason, and resents that you can. Whats her OH like?