Would you do this so your child could have private education?

No we are fortunate to have decent state schools here but I still wouldn’t. My DD went to a comprehensive did extremely well and is now a GP. I would rather I give her money to help with her house

Move to Duffield, Quarndon or Allestree.
Decent state schools & nice areas to live. Top up with tutoring if needed.

OP, it’s clearly not an easy decision, but if I had the chance to send my DC to Repton, I’d jump at it. You say you could manage to pay it out of income but it would be a push - why don’t you start and see how you get on, with moving as a back up if things get too tight?

I like your username, seems apt for this thread in particular!
I share the same worries as you and for that reason I think private is still worth it. There are some which are cheaper than others.

I would say most beneficial to do private primary up to year 4, by then they will hopefully be able to read and write well enough to carry on independently, plus have a solid grasp of place value, number and know all times tables. It’s much harder to do it the other way around and do private for secondary if having to catch up literacy/numeracy levels in my opinion, I don’t think you can close the gap fast enough by then. lots of larger state secondaries set for most subjects, so you’d be able to get your children in to those top sets in state sector secondary and then top up with tutors if needed at gcse.

Have you had a chat with the bursar to see if you might be eligible for bursary support? Any chance of scholarships also - every little helps.

My friend and her partner put their kid on private in y1, then split up about a year later. Her ex was fully funding the fees (she was a SAHM then had a very part time job) and he decided during y4 that he wasn’t paying any more. Had to uproot the child for y5/6 which was a shame. Would you have to do this if ex decides not to pay any more? And if so would it bother you?

I agree. Fund a one on one tutor instead. The fees are ridiculous now and going up. The difference is obviously vast between repton and the local secondary but your child will likely have more chance getting into a really good university if they go the secondary route and you can help them get there. Or tutor then send to repton for A level (I'm not sure i would do this if didn't have to due to Oxbridge and some red brick applications). It's just a massive financial commitment and you are finding it with your main investment (and an unreliable promise).

Can you afford a nice house with garden, and 1 spare room, though not as nice / big as currently? Is it for secondary? Are there only bad / average schools nearby?

If the answer to each of the above q's is yes, then I'd do it.

Yes. We are planning on moving to a less expensive area and potentially sending our DC’s private secondary. One has gone already- through necessity. Compared to what their friends in state are experiencing, I’m 1000% happy with the decision we made. We live in an area with outstanding schools- but ofsted ratings aren’t the real world. Plus, a good education isn’t purely about academics.

Edited to add…
In recent years a few of my colleagues have done the same. Two of who sent their DC back in to state for sixth form. They and their kids have hugely regretted that decision. Another pulled their youngest from state secondary after experiencing shhitty behaviour in year 7. They are thriving. The eldest had been through the same but wouldn’t move- instead they have joined the badly behaved crew to survived. These are all reputed amazing states in naive areas.

No. And both my DC went to private school. They would have done just as well at the local grammar school (comprehensive) and had a private tutor. Probably would have done better actually.

I don’t regret it, but I had a lot of family help and their father paid 25% of the fees. They loved their school but you need to be aware that it’s hard for DC to be ‘poorer’ than most of their school friends. Will you be able to afford the expensive school trips and extra curriculum activities? Even keeping up with designer clothes and meals out etc. I couldn’t!

My DC had a very positive experience with their school but no way would I have sold my house to fund it.

Do you really love your house? If so then i wouldn't consider it. You can always get some tutoring for DS as he gets older. If you don't love it then I still wouldn't go private, but I'd consider moving to an area with better schools if the ones near you are bad.

Google says there are three outstanding secondary schools near Repton (not sure where you are exactly though).

I’d not, no.

We’re well-able to afford private school and live in an area with excellent ones but have chosen not to.

If it turns out that our children aren’t very academically able we can move them to private later.

If it's only you and your son, downsizing to 3-4 bedrooms doesn't feel like a real squeeze...

I wouldn’t. Private education is now hugely expensive compared to the amount of benefit it brings. I have work colleagues who sent their kids private but don’t feel it has massively helped them.

I opted to put money away monthly in a stocks and shares ISA instead. By the time my child is 18 they will have the equivalent six figure sum that a private secondary education would have cost to use for university fees, house deposit etc. I think in the current economy this is a much better use of the money.

In your scenario you will continue to build equity in your existing house and enjoy the benefits of it, plus you can always downsize later on if you want to give a lump sum. If you downsize you are reducing your asset and your quality of life. Are you sure the benefit to your child will be worth it?

I wouldn’t , you’ll never have such a good house again .
It’s a very permanent solution to a temporary problem .

in general state primaries especially until year 3 are pretty much equivalent to private.
the good state primaries are close to the good preps.

if you are relying on your ex…. Well all sorts of things could change.

if you move into catchment for a good school you can move out and sell afterwards.

i wouldn’t do it at reception and I’d think hard at year 3.

secondary again some state secondaries are great and some are not and we certainly found some privates did not suit our kids.

I would

I would not do it if I was relying on an XH to pay half and continue to to pay all the way through. We had a tutor for our DCs to pick up what state didn’t cover for A levels.
I suspect we could have got a sports scholarship for one of ours but that would still not cover all of it (plus we have a second unlike OP).

no I wouldn’t.

I would not do it for private school, but I would do it and invest the funds for Uni tuition and/or a deposit for the DCs first home.

I typed this and saw @plims say the exact same thing.

I wouldn't because you are relying on your ex to fund half and he could stop at any point. I have seen that happen when my friend's ex got a new wife and had decided that money was better spent on holidays and day to day living.

Fees are only going to increase year on year and it is a long commitment to fund the next 5 years. Personally I would use any money I had to provide a one to one tutor for my child if the local secondary schools were good.

Not if you can afford it from your income as you say then no. Look what other savings you can make first. Maybe see how it is after a year, if it’s too much of a struggle then move

I’d be quite wary unless you can comfortably afford the fees yourself. My ex had offered to pay school fees, but then got married to a woman who really objected to him doing so. He eventually stopped contributing to them.