To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

How awful, I’d feel the same way as you and would want to give him a piece of my mind but it may not help matters now. This is one of the reasons I had no speeches at my wedding, because 90% of the time it’s just a chance to embarrass the couple.

I would be asking my new son in law how he was dealing with the utmost of misogynistic behaviour from his friends and asking if that was their attitude to women drunk or not? I would be reassuring my daughter that this is not on her to sort but her husband to sort and if he stayed friends with such vile people what was she wanting to do. If she wanted to leave a divorce is certainly a possibility? Purely on the ground of unreasonable behaviour

Ah another new poster, one post and vanishes.

I suppose it takes all sorts to make the world turn ……

Not sure what you found funny, but 🤷‍♀️

This is vile. I agree, someone should have said something at the time.

The same happened at a wedding i went to, the mother of the bride was crying, possibly the bride too, I cant remember. It was so awkward. The marraige didnt last.

I think men who do this do it on purpose to cause problems between the groom and the bride on their wedding day. They like that it takes the shine off their day and potentially ruins it all.
Lots of men cope with their own insecurities and inadequacies in dangerous and toxic ways.

Don’t rise to it and react though. That would make him feel quite satisfied in his actions.

Instead, keep an eye on your new son in law.
Birds of a feather…

If he remains close with this man, it speaks volumes about him and your daughter will need all the support she can get.

Agree with this. I think a lot of men like the idea of bringing the bride down a peg or two.

I’ve never been to a wedding with a speech like that. A couple of ones that were overly long or a bit dull or missed the mark in some way but never crass. Though in fairness I don’t know a lot of boorish men.

It’s up to the groom (who presumably chose this numb nuts bag of shite to be his Best Man) to speak to him.

I get it, you want to defend and protect your daughter. Unfortunately, someone like him will not care, might even possibly enjoy you being so angry. Focus your anger into positives you can do for your daughter.

No, don't override your daughters request not to contact him. Imagine how awkward it would be for your DD and her husband if you did that. It's up to them (or really the husband) to deal with it.

I genuinely can’t tell if you’re hard of reading comprehension, or merely Victorian.

He wasn’t cheating. It sounds like he was having a one night stand on hokiday and his friend walked in on them.

That doesn’t justify the friend making it a public anecdote.

Is your issue with casual sex because, as much as it has never been a big factor in my own life, it’s not something we should be shaming people for.

If I were in your shoes I would do it, what a t-wat this guy. He needs to understand that not everyone finds his gross humour funny and that he has upset quite a few people with his idiocy and lack of taste sex talk in what was a family event. A private Facebook message would suffice.

Have you spoken to your son in law about it?
How distasteful, what kind of common chavvy set up has your poor daughter got involved in,not at all funny,if I were you,your husband and daughter,I'd of wanted the ground to swallow me up!

Really? I’ve never been to a wedding where the best man decided to say anything that would be likely to offend or upset people. Some taking the piss of the groom, sure. But not in any way that was likely to be an issue. Not every best man chooses to be an absolute dick, or loses any common sense the second they’re handed a microphone.

Your daughter has asked you not to. That's the answer.

My mil did a speech at b/sil wedding… I’m not sure that’s a great idea either 🙊

The speech sounds awful but YABU

Your DD is a grown woman and does not need her mum embarrassing her.

You will likely make it 10x worse.

I’m struggling to understand why it would have such a lasting impact without it meaning that her DH had lied to her - which if that’s the case then it’s a DH problem and no amount of taking to the BM will change that.

Really? I mean really?? I'd have been appalled. Not remotely funny. Not something to revel in.

Two weeks, not two years.

After 2 years I think its too late really .I would leave it,support your DD and try and put it behind you .He sounds awful

I wouldn’t message the best man but I would be prepared to absolutely lay into him
if or when I saw him next.
He should be told face to face and preferably in front of others that his behavior was

utterly offensive, inappropriate and not in the least amusing — he went much too far.
He spoiled the wedding for you. Tell him so.
(I would also use words like crass, buffoon, shameful and socially ignorant. )
Also as he was a friend of your DD’s husband she could and should make it clear to both of them that ‘friend’ will not be welcome in her home.

Take it one step further, message his mum and ask her for a fight.

seriously, don’t contact him. Time has gone. I’ve never been to a wedding where the best man has decided to become a chubby brown tribute act but I’d be unimpressed. Such a shitty thing to do, I’ve only ever been one wedding where the speech was amazing, he was a very talented speaker, lovely person and bloody hilarious in a very gentle way. It’s a skill making a speech and clearly the unfunny fucker who made the one at your DDs wedding didn’t have it.
Is he single? Imagine being his partner watching him ruin the speeches, you’d be mortified!

No 🤣 I was just thinking of an unlikely name for a youngish man. I don’t use Karen as sexist so wouldn’t use a name as shorthand for a generalisation.

@KerriiK and told a story about walking in on the groom on a lads holiday with a woman where the punch line was ‘had his face in her c*’ which had many of the guests gasping.

Exact same joke with the same punchline was made by a best man at a wedding for one of my family members. We were all pissing ourselves with laughter.

I'm also a bit bemused at you saying the speech was "a wannabe stand up routine" as if it was unusual. Almost all best man's speeches are written to be funny.

I think you and your daughter need to be a bit less wound up. And this is coming from a man who has a reputation for being boring as fuck.

Something similar happened at my DS's wedding. His best man, a friend from childhood, decided it would get him brownie points with the bride and a few laughs to pull my son's exes to bits including minute details of a near naked ONS on his settee,several fattist observations of others (bride was about a size 20 and very self conscious of her weight) concluding that the bride was about the best of a bad bunch.
The bride turned out to be an awful control freak and narcissist so gave my son absolute hell later on and it ruined the wedding day from there on.

It wouldn't have worked out anyway even without the wedding speech and
my son tried divorce her five years later, she blocked him at every turn from doing so, lies blackmail and she weaponised access to his children.