To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

Stay out of it. Your daughter is a grown married woman - this is an issue for her and husband to raise with the best man.

Great point.
I think you are correct.
Likewise on MN there are some awful stories of terrible bridesmaid behaviour, clearly indicating they too dislike the bride.

Massive drip feed there!

I hope her dh agrees that man doesn't set foot in their home or in their company.

He sound like he embarrassed himself more than anything. What a tool. Down play it. But I would make it plain to your new son in law that you think his mate is a complete melt and an ignorant misogynist to boot. Then I would say support your daughter in making it very clear that best man is not welcome in her life or her household.

The real question is what sort of man has she married who allowed this crass behaviour which hurt and embarrassed his new wife in her wedding day? He should have stopped it, or better still not allowed his crass friend to speak.

Yet the OP is more concerned at the best man's speech!

It sounds like it was malicious rather than accidental. Does he dislike your daughter and wanted to cause friction? I assume the groom has at least dumped him as a friend?

How mortifying that he ruined an expensive day and embarrassed your daughter and guests.

Don't message him, he'll be delighted by the attention.

You’ll just be his next “hilarious” story.

Focus on your daughter

I understand but he’s a twat and he’ll never get what he did wrong! Downplay it for your DDs sake.

Trust me, your daughter does not want you to get involved in this and tell him off as if they’re children and he pushed her on the playground. This is between him, your son-in-law, and your daughter.

The speech does sound just awful, though. My husband once gave a wedding speech after having too much to drink, but it was just rambling and awkward with jokes that didn’t land.

If it makes you feel better to have at least defended your daughter, do it. I agree it may not change his behaviour, it’s too late but at least you would be telling him what you felt.I think it might be the sort of thing that years later you berate yourself for not saying anything at the time.

Far too late, the time to do anything was to stop him during the speech.

All you are going to do now is give him more "joke" material about a stereotypical overbearing MIL.

If your daughter is old enough to be married, she's old enough to deal with issues like that with her own husband. Not your place to get involved.

You have every right to be angry at him, however, what is telling him 2 weeks later going to achieve? It is very unlikely you and many of the others will ever see him again and if your DD and her DH see him frequently then they need to address the issue not you.

I get that you’re annoyed and want to vent out your frustrations and tell him how you feel but…don’t, just don’t. He really, really won’t care what you think. You’re nothing to him. You’re his mates wife’s mum. It’s pointless and a bit cringe.

There's no need to bring exes up or what happened on a lads holiday - is he jealous by any chance?

I share your utter revulsion at the behaviour of this lowlife, and no wonder you are upset and angry that he spoiled your daughter’s wedding day. Just awful. But I don’t think you should intervene. However valid your feelings, you are the mother of the bride, and it would be inappropriate and overstepping. Your DD needs to work this out with her DH and HE needs to address his friend’s offensive behaviour. If he doesn’t, then it’s for your DD to decide how she wants to handle it. I’m seething for you - but focus on being there for your DD as an approachable sounding board, because she may need that more than she needs you to have a go at this idiot.

I completely understand the impulse to want to do something. But it's probably better to go with Michelle Obama's 'When they go low, we go high'. Because I can just imagine him sniggering about what 'the mother' did to his mates and publicly loving getting an angry reaction out of you. (He would probably be feeling rather awkward underneath, mind you, but that wouldn't stop him turning you responding into a story for his mates.)

The only consolation is that everyone in that room will have judged him for his crassness. And nobody, but nobody would have felt anything but sympathy for your DD.

I voted YABU to get involved. The only person who can pull this loser up is your SiL

Maybe it’s a good thing more weddings are child free if they’ve become no better than a Chubby Brown stand up routine.

If my son’s best man did this I’d have taken the mic off him (I can be quite knee jerk at times).

Yes he does but it shouldn't the OP that is asking him to apologise!

The groom should of stopped it at the time. No point now, just support your daughter when it all goes wrong as that’s the way it’s heading.

He owes the bride and groom an apology - not that they'll get one, I imagine.