To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

Because in addition to being unmitigated assholes, they have no social skills. No one thought to grab the mike or kick him.

Are we all expected to be a stand up comedian at the wedding speech? Only place where I have heard this is when wanna-be funny best men think they do, but nobody has actually asked them to make a "funny" speech.

I have a feeling that you telling him off will just make him feel proud. Nobody brings up the groom eating other womans cunt and getting a lapdance few weeks before the wedding (knowing that the bride is not ok with it) if they actually cared.

I hope your daughter is ok. She and her husband are going to have some tough conversation.

How did the groom react? this he and his mates think this was hilarious?

You will gain nothing by giving him a piece of your mind. But I also don’t see why you should exercise a level of restraint he was seemingly unable to. And it’s almost like, by saying nothing, he can tell everyone how wonderful it was. What you should do, and what I would do, are probably different. As others have mentioned, the time was probably switching his mic off mid speech and given him a dressing down on the spot. It’s a shame the start of your DD marriage is tainted by this. Her husband should really be the one addressing his so called friend.

The time to give him a peace of your mind was on the night - I’d have taken the mic off him and told him to sit back down. Sending a shitty message now is cowardly.

Why does no one ever stop them. Why must they be allowed to continue talking regardless of the awful things they are saying?

Fucking men.

You don't always know! Sometimes you expect your bridesmaid/groomsman to know the difference between telling a racy story on a hen/stag night, and talking about actual sexual positions in front of the bride's mother, and relatives from other countries who were quite shocked at the words they had to look up.

Obviously I don't know your family and SIL, OP, but a perfectly decent person can misjudge how their friend might be in a certain situation.

Groom has hopefully given a kick in the balls. What an arse. You’ll only be labelled and become the scapegoat so def don’t. Your DD can keep this knob out of their home and her space.

Sorry, my comment will be somewhat unrelated to the OP's awful plight.

When I was best man for my best mate, I tried a bit too hard to be funny, and it didn't really work. Thankfully, I wasn't such an idiot that I said anything offensive: just jokes that didn't really land.

I remember the bride's father's speech: short, dignified and with one joke - and even that was elegant: he said, with his wife next to him and speaking to the groom, "You haven't got the best wife in the world; I've got her..."

When I made my retirement speech (not the same as a wedding speech, of course, but still an occasion on which some people get it spectacularly wrong) I used the latter speech as an example: everything positive, lots of thanks and praise, one inoffensive joke at my expense.

The irony is that I was a stand-up comedian for ten years, But it just shows you that wedding speeches are a minefield and the fact we're all expected to be mini stand-up comedians these days just piles the pressure on.

Nothing will come of it. He clearly has no respect for women so a message from you will have no impact. I completely get it though, I would be furious too. Who the hell do these men think they are? Try and focus on something else though.

Nothing to do with you really. He made a fool out of himself abd I'm very certain the groom has had words since.

What did you think you would achieve by confronting him ?

You assume wrongly.

If you read the OP's post properly you'll see it's a reference to some random woman the groom picked up some time ago on a "lad's holiday"...

I don't think he will care if confronted. Who are you to him?
As others are now beginning to mention, why did the groom do nothing to stop him and is your DD annoyed at the wrong person (the best man may have brought it to everyone's attention about them going to a strip club, but that perhaps sums up the man she has married and who she/you should be wary of).

He dropped a dime on your new Son in Law, you get that don't you?

He gave your daughter and everyone else there a big head's up as to just what kind of asshole she was marrying and that SIL was out at a strip club just a few weeks ago "falling in love" meaning he was chasing some woman there.

Lie down with pigdogs, get up with fleas. New Son in law's bestie and he are gross and disgusting about women and raging misogynists. Now you know.

And when he just laughs in the OP's face?

Will that make her feel better?

Because he’ll love it and laugh at her

He’s the same man who secretly went to a strip club and “fell in love” with one of the dancers.

The daughter is going to need a lot of emotional support being married to this man.

Sorry about typos in above post.

Haven't read whole thread, but lots saying don't bother. i would though - why not tell this miserable irresponsible idiot what he has done, and let him reflect on it. I can't believe how many women go on protecting mren like this from the consequemnces of their actions. Let him have both barrels, he deserves it.

So your daughter has married a man who isnt grown up enough to go 'AND A BIG HAND FOR THE BEST MAN!! ' And cut him short, and NOONE in the wedding party is mature enough to do that either, you think the problem to focus on is the best man...

So your daughter has married a man who isnt grown up enough to go 'AND A BIG HAND FOR THE BEST MAN!! ' And cut him short, and NOONE in the wedding party is mature enough to do that either, and you think the problem to focus on is the best man...

have only read the OP. You have missed the boat on this and should have done it on the day if at all.

Not helpful i know but i would have wrangled him out of it as soon as he mentioned breast size.

What the guy did was clearly unacceptable and if it was my daughter I would want to chin him but, your daughter and son in law and this guy are all capable adults so should really be left to deal with it themselves unless they specifically ask you to get involved.

He sounds horrific but it's your daughter and her husband's battle to have if they wish. He sounds like a real scumbag. What's your new son in law like?

The son in law is also a grown up and parents in law should butt out. Telling the daughter not to let the best man into her life is an interesting way of stirring up conflict. Presumably she’s capable of dealing with her relationship?