To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

Well your DD has a DH problem doesn’t she? If the groom stays friends with that dickhead at least she knows and can deal with it

Your DD chose a winner, didn't she? I'm sorry OP.

I wouldn't say anything. That's for you DD to do if and when she is ready and wants to. How is the groom reacting to the speech?

If you daughter is old enough to be married she is old enough say something if she wants too it was her wedding not yours

Agree,he doesn't sound like marriage material, poor bride having to find out on her wedding day,her husband frequents strip clubs, what a catch..not!
I'd guess he probably has shagged one of these strippers.
That was outright cruel of the best man,he knew exactly what he was doing.
They'll be a divorce before long

Is your DD upset about her DH’s behaviour?

I was once at a wedding where the farther of the bride got up and smacked the best man after making a rouge comment about his daughter… violence is never the answer but honestly if someone said something like that about my daughter I’d have done the same. I don’t think anything can be done now but I really feel for you and your poor daughter.

You will forever be the psycho mil that contacted the best man after the wedding- I’m so sorry op, what he said was awful but contacting him is the worst idea ever

Similar thing happened at my friend’s daughter’s wedding- my friend actually walked out during the speech. The upshot is the bride and her family will have nothing to do with best man, will attend nothing if he is to be there, but he never is, he has been ostracised and rightly so. The couple now have a little girl and I think now the groom totally understands it wasn’t “banter” but just offensive .

What I learnt from my cack-handed attempt is that trying to cram humour into a wedding speech is risky. Having said, when my mate returned the favour, his speech was brilliant and had our guests rolling in the aisles.**

(**The vicar wasn't too happy.)

Sadly you can't wind back the clock.

You may feel better if you say something to him at some point - but he may laugh it off or laugh at you for being such a 'prude' (Which you aren't.)

Some of the blame might be apportioned to your new son in law for his poor choice of BM - but his speech may have been an embarrassing surprise to him too.

You might speak to him about it - choice of friends for such a task/sensitivity and that the BM will not be welcome at any future family events that you are hosting/involved with.

They probably never meet. It can all be done in writing. Anyway, so what if he can't respond appropriately? That would just confirm what an oaf he is. That's on him.

This.

He started his speech by making a strip club reference, something about ‘he thought we may not have made it given how he (husband) fell in love with Natalya at Goldfingers a few weeks ago’. DD wasn’t aware of this having happened, and wouldn’t have approved so that upset her a lot

So, your DD wasn’t aware that her DH frequents strip clubs/sex clubs. I’d say the best man has done her a favour then.

I mean, if DD husband did go to the strip club, then I think he’s worse than the twat of a “best” man.

And what was the c** comment, did the groom actually do that?

Sounds like DD should get the marriage annulled…

The best man didn't cheat on your daughter. He just told everyone.
Don't kill the messenger.

Save your anger for your daughter's shitty husband.

Did they go to Benidirm, by any chance.

Stay out of it. I say this as a divorced woman.

If everything he says about the groom is true then is your anger misplaced? Why are you not more angry at how your SIL is treating your DD?

YANBU to be furious about it BUT YWBU to send a message.

It's an overstep, IMO.

Sitting down with son in law and making it clear how you feel and that you think he should be speaking to his friend about upsetting his wife at their wedding, sure.

Jumping him and going straight to the friend, no.

It's both. Absolutely steeped in misogyny.

Ugh.

That's my take away too, tbh.

Is it actually the speech that's the problem here, or is it the husband's behaviour?

Been to a lot of weddings seen a lot of shit things. After your first post I’d benefit of the doubt say he was a prized prick. If he bombed the C word out in the BM speech then that’s a pretty high bar in a mixed sex room. Thinking squady rugby/football team bants.

Second post I’d say he did it on purpose and either doesn’t like your daughter, fancies your daughter or is jealous of the groom. He’d definitely know she didn’t like the strippers.

On another note can just say that your DP has handled himself well. He could have easily lost his shit and the wedding would have been even worse. A man that can keep his hands by his side for his daughter is a real man.

If the BM is such a tool then you’re not going to get anything from him and he will be regaling tales of how hilarious it is that he got to you too.

He is obviously a guy who likes a funny story, so if I was your daughter I would be telling 'amusing' stories about him to all his future girlfriends.

Exactly, he'll be showing it to all his mates and having a great laugh about it!