To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

I would not contact him. Hopefully beyond the deep cringe factor, no harm done. He mostly made an arse of himself, not your DD and her husband. So what is husband had sex on holiday in the past, who hasn't. And the comments on women's breasts just reflect on the best man himself.

Yes her daughter is an adult, but I bet the parents paid for the shit show!

Personally if your DD now knows what her H's friendship group is like and that he goes to strip clubs - if he went to one on his own stag do he will have been to others - then i think she has bigger problems to come in the future than this disgusting behaviour at her wedding.

It's not up to you to do anything about this revealing speech but I think given what you now know about her H and his friends you need to be there to support her in dealing with her future marital problems.

The best man sounds vile but I’d be more concerned about the fact that your son in law is friends with a person like that, chose him for his best man and the fact he goes to strip clubs.

He doesn’t sound like a great choice. .

Sell your story? Take a break pay £200 - £2000.

https://www.sellusyourstory.com/

One thing you do not want to do is make the situation worse

Leave it

I used to Dj at weddings and some of the best man speeches were cringe worthy lol.Once a brides father literally dragged the best man outside and beat him up for something similar.He was going through all the things they got up to lads holidays ect.Very funny but totally inappropriate.The groom should have stopped him at the time really,it’s to late now.

This

It sounds awful, but it should have been stopped diplomatically at the time. Like others have said, the groom should have done something.

It is possible to have very funny best man speeches without smut and humiliation.

There are some very poor standards and expectations, regarding this and what it exposes.

This is the antithesis of what a wedding is - cruel, attention seeking and whilst, you would hope for more from the grooms behaviour in fidelity prior to the wedding, protecting his wife and cutting this friend off - that it hasn’t happened, is more of an issue than the speech.

I hope these activities were one offs from a very long time ago.

If you read the OP, one of the activities was a recent trip to a strip club.

I think you know this really, but the real problem is the groom;
a) he chose this awful person to be his best man
b) he doesn't seem to deny any of the deeply unpleasant stories told about them
c) he is the kind of person who goes on "lads holidays"
d) he went to a strip club and didn't tell his fiancée. (And more importantly did check first)
e).he is the kind of person who goes to strip clubs

Advise your DD to cut out all photography or videos featuring best man. Drop him as a friend. Son in law needs to lead the action.

Be prepared to support your DD if she splits with her husband. A keeper he is not.

Best man was a poor choice.
Best man allowed himself to be drunk.
No one stepped in to stop his mouth.
Groom obviously has disgusting friends.
Groom has form for sleazy decisions.

I hope these activities were one offs from a very long time ago.

In his hands by this point I assume

Fuck it, message him. What have you got to lose? He’s not your family or friend. Make your feelings clear and tell him how upset DD is. Tell him how disgusted everyone was. He should feel embarrassed and it should be known everyone is horrified. Being drunk is no excuse. Bride and groom should be giving him a piece of their mind too.

My best man's speech was as vile as your DD's: I was on the cusp of walking out of my own wedding. He (best man) was incredibly apologetic the day after, stating that he let himself get drawn into the excitement. I made the best man take us out for a 1st anniversary dinner as a small token apology and he has spent the last 15 years grovelling every time I see him. He will continue to grovel for the rest of his life and you can be sure I'll be delivering a eulogy at his funeral 😄

I’ve been to plenty of weddings with female speakers in fact I think the traditional FOTB, best man, groom line up is now really dated.

in this case the OP can’t say anything, its not her place.

I do think a decent MC would have been useful here, they could have shut this chap down.

YANBU for thinking it was inappropriate and unacceptable, but there is nothing to be gained by messaging him now. It's over and done with and nothing can change that, just forget about it and move forward.

Keep your dignity because a shameless jackass like the "best man" is not going to feel ashamed if you berate him. Your SIL made a catastrophic mistake in choosing the best man. Frankly, if he is not utterly horrified by the behaviour, I would be advising my DD to cut her losses. If he somehow thinks that what the best man did is acceptable he is showing your DD exactly what he is like. Honestly, you couldn't take him anywhere for fear of what he might say or do if he thinks this smutty speech was just fine. Certainly, I'd think twice about giving my children half his DNA

Nothing you say can change anything. Your daughter will have to work through her problems with her new husband, because ultimately, as disgusting as the best man sounds, it's her husband who has apparently been rather trashy, chose this specimen for his best man, and went to a strip club. The best man is a foul creature and an idiot to boot, but the groom chose him and went to the strip club.

You should be there for your daughter. Unless she asks you to let loose on the best man, you absolutely should not.

Please tell me this isn’t all recorded on the official wedding video!

Our best man did a speech like this and it was perfect - moving and genuinely funny. I can’t ever imagine a scenario at the weddings I’ve been at where anyone would use the C word!

I think this little anecdote was about an ex, not the stag do. In any event, I totally agree with the posters who said the best man is trying to cause problems between the groom and bride on purpose.

I cant believe that your daughter actually left the reception with the groom and continued rhe marriage. The groom should have stopped him, the groom should have chinned him from disrespecting his wife. But the groom is clearly a sleazy git.

If it will make you feel better to
put that awful best man in his place then do it. Tell him what a prat he is. And that he ought to be ashamed of himself. And when he gets married you hope his best man humiliates him too.