Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

313 replies

KerriiK · 07/06/2026 15:39

My DD got married two weeks ago, a lovely day and we are so happy for her. However, she was upset following one of the speeches and I’m aware it has had a bit of a knock on effect and cause some tension between her and her husband since.

The best man gave a rambling speech which was more of a wannabe stand up routine. He spoke about the groom’s ex partners, made an inappropriate comparison to my DD (‘the thing they all had in common was a big chest’) and told a story about walking in on the groom on a lads holiday with a woman where the punch line was ‘had his face in her c*’ which had many of the guests gasping. A genuinely disgusting speech and my DD was upset after in the bathroom.

It has caused issues because of a specific detail and the best man will have known including this will have had that impact. The ‘defence’ of his speech was that he was really drunk and that it was tame compared to others he has heard.

I was talked out of giving him a piece of my mind on the day, but the more I have reflected since, the more wound up I’ve become.

My DP says I should leave it, but I really want to say something to him. I know who he is from Facebook and could easily message him. I just feel angry at him for tainting such a special day.

OP posts:
scaredy42 · 07/06/2026 15:47

I assume this is very common because I was at a wedding very recently where something almost identical happened (or it was the same wedding...! Which isn't impossible...). Bride looked furious, groom looked very uncomfortable, everyone was raising an eyebrow. I think lads decide to try and be funny for the best man's speech and end up going way too far. I don't think it's for you to message, though - there's no actual outcome now that will change anything, so other than an apology from the best man to the bride (which I'd argue is the groom's job to sort), you messaging isn't going to actually make any difference, and will most likely get him to double down.

Let the groom sort it.

LaliqueSaltGrinder · 07/06/2026 15:45

Could your new SIL have a word? Is it a friend of his, or a relative? I mean, what's done's done and you can't "fix" it, but your SIL could make it clear that he overstepped the mark and offended a lot of people.

Ribenaberry12 · 07/06/2026 15:45

What’s done is done. Just be there for your daughter. I hope for her sake that her new DH agrees that the best man was out of line though.

TheChosenTwo · 07/06/2026 15:44

Blimey it’s a bit late now 😂
Just leave it op, the time has well and truly passed.

Hellometime · 07/06/2026 15:44

I wouldn’t say anything but hopefully your son in law will distance himself and realistically your dd won’t want to socialise with him. It doesn’t reflect well on son in law he chose such a knob as his best man.

TurtleGroove · 07/06/2026 15:44

Nothing to be gained. It’s for your DD to work out with her new husband and set her own boundaries about role the best man plays in her life moving forward.

theresnolimits · 07/06/2026 15:44

I hate weddings where this happens but sadly you’re not unique in it happening. But I am afraid it’s done now. Let DD and her DH sort it out between them, realise it will seem much bigger to you than to most guests and everyone will judge the best man, not your DD. Hopefully her husband will distance himself from this idiot.

Theraininspainishere · 07/06/2026 15:43

There’s nothing you can do now.

I would be prepared to comfort your DD when she leaves, or stays in an unhappy marriage, as the grooms friends, who clearly have little respect for women, will very much be a reflection of who the groom himself is………..

angelikacpickles · 07/06/2026 15:43

YANBU to be cross with him, but I would say there is no point in bringing it up with him. Anyone who would make a speech like that at a wedding is not going to feel any remorse.

Wingedharpy · 07/06/2026 15:43

Totally inappropriate of best man but no, rise above it. You can't undo what was said.

PragmaticIsh · 07/06/2026 15:43

The groom should have stopped it at the time, and should have spoken with the best man after as well. If he hasn't, then he's the problem as well.

TofuTuesday · 07/06/2026 15:43

No, blimey, someone should have stopped it at the time with a brief and sharp thank you Darren, we’re out of time, on to …

Whyarepeople · 07/06/2026 15:42

Don't bother, it won't achieve anything.