To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

I was at a wedding where the master of ceremonies actually removed a guest due to lewd comments during a speech. Admittedly it wasn’t the best man but surely someone could have stepped up and removed them/ told him to shut up. I’d be fuming but let the groom handle it, if they are still friends that is.

this situation is so common its a part of the Premier Inns ad. It shouldn't be but it is. Leave it to your daughter to sort out. Bit amazed that no one stopped it at the wedding though.

What an arsehole… It just annoys me that the bride puts so much effort into a wedding. Making everything happen & taking care of the little details. And so looks forward to their special moment. All the groom has to do is polish his shoes, the least he could do is stop his mate from being a prat. I feel terrible for your DD, honestly…

This was quite a posh wedding, the best men really thought he was being funny. The only one where I have been where nothing shady was said was where my DH was the best man. Otherwise regardless of the social strata as you put it I have found the best man will say something that upsets someone because he is trying so hard to be funny. The worse speech I ever saw though was from the a brides father when his daughter a protestant was marrying into our Catholic family. He went on and on about how he never imagined his daughter would marry into the other side or one of those. That was truly embaressing.

Best man is already not bothered, he won't be bothered you speaking to him either.
Just let it go, as unjust as that feels. You won't get what you want out of it.

I don’t know about ‘social strata’, but I’ve only ever encountered one best man who started to overstep the mark, one of the other trio of ‘best men’ intervened.

Anyway, OP - maybe it won’t do any good but I reckon that bloke deserves to have it hammered home how shameful his behaviour was.

I'd wait & take revenge at my leisure.

I disagree.

If a woman had a friend walk in on her while she was giving a partner a blow job, would it be fair game for retelling in front of her friends and family?

when I read the title I thought absolutely not but being honest having read this, I would!

That’s so sad that your Daughter’s special day was ruined.

I once went to a wedding where the best man recounted a time when the groom had been rushed to hospital with severe lacerations to his penis. He had performed a sex act using the hose of a vacuum cleaner. (I know this to be 100% true).

He’s a twat but this isn’t really your place op. It should be the groom having it out with him or your daughter.

It's not great and I get why your DD is upset. I don't think that you'll do any good wading in and confronting the best man though. I'd be supportive of your DD but leave it to the couple on how they want to deal with it.

Leave it now. Not your place. Groom can decide if the friendship is worth it long term

Where did the groom have his face? 😮

It really depends on your social strata. Our best man wouldn't have said anything the slightest bit crude in a million years.

Normally the groom selects the best man. He should deal with it. Completely unacceptable.

I voted YANBU, because I would feel exactly the same way as you. I would be SO mad! However, the moment has passed and it will achieve nothing. Your son-in-law chose him, and he must have known what he was like. He also didn't cut the speech off when it became clear how down-market it was becoming. This is really an issue of your SIL not having friends with better manners, and there's really nothing you can do about that.

I'd advise your daughter to put it behind her. It's done, and it's not the sort of thing that can be un-done.

If you had a videographer, you can ask them to edit out that speech. I would definitely do that.

Another vote for supporting your daughter first and foremost. Hope she (and you all) had a lovely day otherwise.
Id perhaps ask Sil if the worst man has apologised for his words and behaviour towards your daughter, and if not why he hasn’t demanded that.

Having said that, I would leave it now - nothing is going to change what happened

Did he actually say the c word?! I’d be fucking fuming - no need to bring up anything that’s to do with other women on a wedding day. Sounds like a complete bellend

I can only recall one best mans speech where the contents didn't cause at least some upset to someone. I think it's just the nature of the beast. I was a t a very fancy Catholic wedding last year and saw the Bride turning to and laying a comforting hand on her mother as the Grooms brother told a story about the groom and him watching pornography as kids.

It’s a bit late now and won’t make any difference to anyone, the damage so to speak is done but I think it does reflect poorly on the groom. Sure you can say the best man was disrespectful, but equally so is the groom for getting into a situations apparently so crude it drew gasps.

Sleezy best men and their tales of horror wouldn’t exist without equally sleezy grooms. No point shooting the messenger, but I’d expect more to come if this is their normal.

We had a similar scenario at a family wedding a few years back. I've no idea why the bridegroom selected the best man and his speech left nearly everyone reeling from shock.

We made a few comments to the bridegroom about cutting the speech out of the wedding video we showed to elderly relatives who were unable to attend the wedding and left it at that

The bridegroom and best man are no longer friends and the subject rarely comes up. Sometimes time sorts these things out

I'm so sorry that this happened to you too

I was at a wedding where something similar happened. Best man told loads of filthy anecdotes and spoke about the groom’s fondness for prostitutes. It was awful nobody laughed and people were visibly stunned. I have no idea how someone in the wedding party didn’t take the mic off of him.

Anyway, OP, this is not your battle. Nothing you do can undo what happened, and your daughter and her husband are adults so it’s not your role to jump into the middle of a situation between them and their friend.

Don’t do anything, but similarly don’t forget that the only person who this reflects poorly on is the best man.

What would be the point OP? It has already happened, and won't be the first or last time a best man has made an inappropriate speech. People will quickly forget. This guy is presumably you son in law's friend, so keep out of it and don't make things worse.