To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

It's not your place to say anything. It's up to your DD or her husband. I'm surprised neither her husband or bridesmaid interrupted the best man and shuffled him off the stage once it became clear his speech was nothing but misogynistic musings.

Your poor Dd, OP.
Horrible.

I do wonder why we are all so lacking in confidence to take control of a situation like that and step in, grab the mic and shout ‘Next!’ Or ‘ Thank you Darren, time for your lie down’ or ‘Not appropriate so let’s leave it there, and introduce … the next toast’

Unfortunately OP, if you vent your anger at him now an arrogant twat like that will just make a drama of laughing behind your back.

I wouldn’t pretend that it was OK though, if it comes up with your SIL. You can’t bring it up ad nauseam over the next 5 years but you don’t have to pretend that it didn’t really upset you in behalf of your Dd.

YANBU to be very angry with this man but messaging him personally won't do anything constructive. Your SIL should be the one to take it up with his friend.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

If your DD is old enough to get married, she’s old enough to use her own words with the best man. Please don’t be that helicopter parent who can’t cut the apron strings.

What would be the point of saying anything? It’s not like you giving a grown man a telling-off is actually going to change anything. The speech will still have happened. The only real outcome of you saying something is that your DD and SIL will be embarrassed even further by your interference. If they want to say something to their best man, that’s up to them. But they’re adults and they can manage this themselves without you getting involved.

I doubt his face was in the woman's vagina unless a) he has a tiny head; b) the woman had a huge vagina.

We went to a wedding where the best man’s speech was truly shocking. Descriptive stories of urination and the bride’s bottom. There were young children and elderly relatives present. We all gasped and looked at each other. It was embarrassing. Even my kids said they felt embarrassed! I do think some people don’t know how to adjust their material to the audience. They actually think they’re great and everyone loves what they say! Truly vulgar and shocking. I feel sorry for the bride when this happens as it ruins their day.

Leave it - the only person it reflects badly on is the best man and the groom for picking him and not intervening.

I’m sorry your daughter is upset but it’s up to her husband to rectify it. I don’t know why men do this, I’ve been to a couple of weddings where there was a bit of innuendo but never anything like that. Most people will just think he’s a dickhead.

In a woman's vagina bits doing oral sex?

I’m not saying the act itself was the issue, although I do think an oral story in a wedding speech from front of kids and relatives isn’t very vanilla. But it’s not explicitly clear whether if this was on a lads holiday when he was actually with the bride though, and I think most are reading that’s why it was so shocking to all her relatives as it’s basically outing what he’s like when she’s not there. That’s where the sleaze comes into it.

He would have written this speech, so the drunken element is a lame excuse.

I would find this unforgivable. I've been to many weddings and never encountered this, so not sure about pp's saying it's fairly usual for a BM to make such a crude and offensive speech.

YABU though OP, because there is nothing you can do now. I would be more concerned about the man your daughter has married tbh.

Don't. You'll only make things worse.

It's up to the groom to handle it. If he's ok with it then she's got bigger problems than dealing with the best man.

You need to stay out of this.

Your daughter and her husband need to navigate their relationship with his friend going forward. This is going to be a tricky test early in their marriage.

If you say anything, you become the interfering MIL in their marriage. You will be inserting yourself into a drama they need to handle on their own.

Your job is to offer emotional support to your daughter if she asks to talk. Otherwise, be quiet.

I get why you are upset but it’s up to your SIL and Dd to decide how they deal with it. Don’t add to it.

It was an ex partner.

Very inappropriate and embarrassing but your daughter has reached an age now where it’s time for you to stand back and only help if she asks you to. I don’t think your getting involved would be appreciated.

No, leave it alone. It's too late, it's done. Why did no one shush him at the time? You'll just come across as controlling.

Your poor daughter. What a buffoon. I don't know why some people can't enjoy themselves without getting completely paralytic.

I wouldn't say anything. You say there's tension between your DD and her husband - you wouldn't be helping. No one is going to think the worse of your daughter for this, so I'd keep her dignity intact and stay out of it.

Really?

I have never been to a wedding where anyone made an inappropriate speech.

He was giving a woman oral sex. It's fairly vanilla. Not that that makes it suitable for a best man's speech, of course.

The groom should have stopped him (in fact shouldn’t have chosen him in the first place). At the very least I would hope he had words with him afterwards.

Dread to think what happened on the stag if his speech reflected what he and DH’s mates are like

I feel awfully bad saying this, but I laughed when I read your post @KerriiK. Totally understand that the wedding party were not thrilled but I bet the guests loved the shock, horror drama of it. I would have been extremely entertained by his speech. 😬

But of course shame on him. I’d would suspect he doesn’t like your daughter to disrespect her like that on her wedding day.

Stay out of it. Your daughter is a grown up married woman, you can’t be thinking it’s reasonable to tell off her husband’s friends whatever they did.

If he's the sort of man that would say any of that at a wedding reception, he's not going to be interested in your anger, OP. Write it all down then set fire to the piece of paper.

But I would be questioning my son in law as to why he thought this man was the best choice for that role for some time.