To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

It's your child and her partners issue, not yours. Mom can't always step in even though it's hard to stay out at times.

Did you confront him @KerriiK ?

Did the face in ‘you know what’ happen on the stag do too?

The best man knew exactly what he was doing. He was aware the groom was lying to your daughter about the stripper and couldn't wait to ruin her day by telling her in public.

He really wanted to humiliate her and show her what she'd been duped into marrying.

As does your SIL, has his new bride done that? Or is he hiding behind his BM being in the wrong…..

It’s not lost stage dos, that’s what the sort of men who have these stag dos proclaim, but it’s not the case!

And he didn’t bother to forewarn her, did she not ask what he did on his stag do, did he forget?

Bet the SIL wouldnt like it if your DD did a lap dance for a male neighbour or threatened to. The misogyny usually comes laced with hypocrisy

it’s not ‘most stag dos’.

Understandable she’s humiliated. Your anger is displaced, though. Best man behaved terribly but he is friends with and was chosen by the groom, who is also the one who paid a sex worker.

She sounds very passive. I wouldt have married DH if I thought there was even the slightest chance he would go on a stag do like that

Why not just let them get on with it and just be there if needed. She’s married to him now and she can’t get divorced for a while. Involving yourself in her marriage won’t help

This is definitely one the groom should be dealing with

Sadly, I think put this way, it’s very true. What a day to find out your intended life partner is not what you thought he was. The delivery from the best man was vile! But he should never have had this “ammunition”. Did she really not know the man she was marrying? I mean “you can tell a person “by the company they keep”.

You state your DD didn’t know about the strip club, because he hid it, but she does now, she where does she go with it now? She’s been shown who he is, what’s he saying?

I mean i bet he’s livid with his best man for spilling the beans, but as I said previously he gave him the
ammo, not sure he’ll discuss his future strip club, or private dance escapades with the BM again. How does your DD feel about him having discussed their sex life with his BM, because she’ll be on that talked about list.

It’s a nightmare!

This! He kept her in the dark about his sleazy trips to strip clubs and allowed her to be humiliated at this revelation on what should’ve been the most important day of her life! Whether she says it out loud or not, she is going to be in turmoil inside wondering what else he’s been hiding! He’s not fit for purpose! I agree with PP, when it inevitably all comes out in the wash she will need a lot of support from you.

He should have been stopped at the time, no point now the damage has been done.

What was the Groom’s speech like?

The problem is not the best man, it’s who she’s married. He’s already hiding a trip to a strip club and a lap dance.

she’s going to need a lot of support from you

It was her business when scum bag husband was expecting parents to pay for it!

What does your DD say? I’d only do anything if she agrees.

What’s even worse is that the brides parents have often paid for the wedding, just to let some arsehole attempt to humiliate their daughter, on their dime.

I'd move on from the best man and start wondering about the groom and supporting your daughter. It doesn't sound great to be honest.

Dreadful man. I can well understand you wanting to give him a piece of your mind.
I would make it clear to your son in law that you never ever want the best man in your house or to clap eyes on him ever again. Not in an arguing way, but calmly, clearly. So he understands.

I’m utterly astonished nobody got up and tried to stop him?! You all just sat there in shock and didn’t attempt to save your DD from being utterly mortified! It’s weird, the DH should have stopped it or another of his mates imo. Very, very shameful behaviour.

And if paying for the wedding had included paying for the hire of a best man to make an appropriate speech, then that would be an argument for the OP involving herself in the situation, as the best man would have failed to deliver his contracted service. But as he can't be classed with the florist and the caterer, it's irrelevant who paid. It's not the OP's business.