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AIBU?

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AIBU to feel let down that DH took the children to visit following his idea of NC

32 replies

Coldjunedays · 07/06/2026 12:59

AIBU to feel let down again by this. So about nearly a year ago now, DH fell out with his sister and mother, a case of his DS quite obviously feeding a lot of rubish into their mothers head about DH and myself. It escalated to the point DH sister physically attacked him. From that point we decided his DS would have no contact with us or our children. This of course did not go down well with his DM and I of course was the one they blamed!! Apparently DH is “under the thumb” i was a “nasty one” i was accused of “getting what i wanted now” and a whole load of other crazy accusations, so following this we went no contact with his DM as well. Recently however i have found out from my eldest that DH has been taking them round to visit. This happened the first time and I asked DH that i thought we’d agreed to keep the kids out of things until his mother and sister could face up to things and have a decent adult convo to sort things out (Im not trying again as we have tried to have a convo before to sort things out and i was sworn out shouted at etc) and he said it wouldnt happen again and would have a word with his DM about sorting things. Just this morning however DH took the kids out for a while and eldest came back and told me that DH has “forced” them to go in to see their grandmother. I feel like DH just wants me to forget absolutely everything theyve done for a easy life!! Im usually such a forgiving person and let things slide and slide and slide, but this time i cant.

OP posts:
Coldjunedays · 07/06/2026 13:29

ChalkOutlines · 07/06/2026 13:27

Did DH fully agree to go NC? Did you suggest it or him?

He did “fuck them, no more” and we agreed together. Those words paled into insignificance

OP posts:
ChalkOutlines · 07/06/2026 13:27

Did DH fully agree to go NC? Did you suggest it or him?

thepariscrimefiles · 07/06/2026 13:27

He is the allowing the fiction that you are to blame for the rift with your in-laws to be the accepted narrative, even though his own sister physically attacked him. They are not safe people to be around your children.

He is dishonest and disloyal. He is putting his children in danger and keeps lying to you. This would be marriage ending for me. He is prioritising his mum and sister above you.

Coldjunedays · 07/06/2026 13:26

Notquitethetruth · 07/06/2026 13:18

So he's feeding into their narrative that you are responsible? He is prioritising them ahead of you and your children. How dare he abuse your children by forcing them to visit his mother and sister. The sister who physically assaulted him. Did the assault happen in front of the children?

You need to have a very serious conversation with him and tell him his visits are not acceptable. In your situation this would be a line in the sand for me. The priority is the children, their safety and well being. He is not putting his children first.

First thing i said to him this morning was hes making me look and feel like im being unreasonable and im the one behind this all, when all ive done is try to keep them away from us until they can act right! My eldest was there, he said that his aunt had “grabbed him and shoved him into another room” so that she could continue her screaming at DH. I was livid at DH for this at the time for not taking our son and walking away!

OP posts:
OneThreadOnlybyN · 07/06/2026 13:24

YANBU to feel you've been let down, because you have.

he would be told very clearly that he can do what he wants (without the lying) but if he takes the children again I would be divorcing him.

Notquitethetruth · 07/06/2026 13:18

So he's feeding into their narrative that you are responsible? He is prioritising them ahead of you and your children. How dare he abuse your children by forcing them to visit his mother and sister. The sister who physically assaulted him. Did the assault happen in front of the children?

You need to have a very serious conversation with him and tell him his visits are not acceptable. In your situation this would be a line in the sand for me. The priority is the children, their safety and well being. He is not putting his children first.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/06/2026 13:04

Girl yabu kindly

Your man seems weak, but you will be the one who comes off as controlling here

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