To have a day on my own childfree

Don’t be ridiculous, enough with the guilt talk. Mummy martyrs don’t get to go to heaven, you know. 🙄

Yes , you need one to function and be the best version of yourself for you and yoyr family

i have one weekly

Sorry I probably voted wrong as I was thinking YABU to be feeling guilty! I was a SAHP after my second and my kids went to daycare two days a week (second after she turned 1) so I could keep sane. In your case go! Your DH is being a parent and there’s nothing wrong with him doing it solo every once in a while.

he does tend to mention it alot like "mummy wants a day on her not parenting

If he says it again, wait until he's going out for his hobby and say 'daddy wants to play golf/tennis/football/tiddleywinks, not parenting'.

There is was thinking you'd got a good un, then he says something like that. To which the correct response is "yes i do, im knackered, I'm more than mummy. Don't be fucking snarky about it." And go, have a lovely mooch, some lunch and just enjoy it. And do it regularly.

What’s more concerning is that you’re even asking this question!

being a mother shouldn’t mean shackling yourself to your child and husband for the next 18 years.

It’s not as if you’re proposing a 6 month trip to Barbados and feeling guilty. It’s a shopping trip! Go and enjoy it and please stop tying yourself in knots over this.

For heaven’s sake, OP. Patriarchal ideas about women ‘naturally’ being in the home have nothing whatsoever to do with ‘morals’. Do you have some weird idea that women in the past were all SAHMs? That’s not true. Most women with children have always worked. The idea that a SAHM was ‘natural’ was a brief temporary blip. The life you’re leading at the moment doesn’t suit you. Do something about it.

I think is was brought up kind of old fashioned …

Nope … I’m in my sixties. My parents had two children. Both worked full time. My mother was perfectly free to come and go as she pleased; days out with friends, week long professional courses or conferences, whatever. My father actively encourage her to live her best life outside home as much as inside. And he was a delight as a father. So many weekends he took us out all day as children; it was only when I was older that I realised it was just as much to give my mother a break as to entertain us. We have the fondest memories of him looking after us alone when my mother was away.

There’s nothing ‘old fashioned’ about your current domestic model. Food shopping a handful of times … 🧐

I wouldn’t give it a second thought. My dd is a teen now but when you get I got lots of free time as did he.

No need for all the navel-gazing.

It's a day out shopping, it's really not that deep.

Did you honestly think we're all going going to say you're selfish and must remain welded to your child?

It sounds like you do a lot more solo parenting than he does! Of course you shouldn't feel guilty about having a day to yourself. It won't kill him to look after his own child for one day!

It also sounds like he's trying to make you feel guilty - I'd come down on this like a ton of bricks! Point out to him how much time you have to yourself compared to him - and make sure you even up the balance in future!

Are you serious ? You need this. And you need it more often than once every 18months !
when my second was 18m I had both boys in nursery for an extra morning when I didn’t have to work. That morning every week was for ME. not catching up on work or housework etc for sipping hot tea, enjoying the silence, going for walks, hairdressers etc. I found it really helped me be the patient gentle mother I wanted to be the rest of the time. Prior to me making that arrangement every minute I wasn’t at work I was with the children solo parenting, which is too much without a decent break. It saved my sanity.

And you need to start now, @miamiamia869 - before your husband becomes even more entrenched in his idea of you as simply a useful household appliance.

Of course you should do this. No need to feel guilty or justify it.

You might want a day on your own, but you haven’t flipping had one…
If you’re gonna suffer the digs (which are definitely crappy) you might as well get the benefit of the day / few hours doing what you want!

Of course you should have time for you.

Why would you feel guilty about him parenting his own child for a day? Does he feel guilty when you are on your own with him all day? I doubt it.

I remember feeling this guilt when my eldest was little too, like I should never leave him. Now I honestly don't know why! It's perfectly fine, and your husband can look after his own child for a day while you go shopping.

It’s totally reasonable to have a day to yourself at the weekend or book a days annual leave when your child is on childcare. And sometimes your dh should do same everyone needs down time.

I said you’re being unreasonable because I don’t understand why you’re even asking. Book a day away and enjoy it. And get yourself back to FT work and arrange more equitable childcare.

I regularly book a days annual leave while LO is in nursery to have a day of doing eff all. Have the day off!

Why is this such a big deal??

At the same age, I booked my son in for extra daycare to get a 1 morning a week to myself for my own sanity. Do it and dont allow "D" H to make you feel guilty.
In fact, it needs to be more normal for you to get time alone/away from parenting so find a hobby/group/class or meet with friends socially once or twice a week. This is normal and needed!

This isn't about want it's about need. You need some time for you. I was in exactly the same position my husband fine with it but somehow I felt wrong? Or guilty somehow?
Then I had a big mental health spiel and now I have to find time for myself. Even if it's an extended lunch where I drive for a drive through coffee and read my book for half an hour it's essential.
The pleasure I get from slipping out of the house just to run to the supermarket without having my almost four year old with me. Just the quiet in the car!
You need to find more time for you otherwise you won't manage x

He shouldn't say that.

Do it, and don't feel guilty for a second.
Honestly, I wish I'd done more of this when my daughter was that age. The toddler stage can be wonderful, but it can also be relentless. Being on duty 24/7, dealing with tantrums, noise, interruptions and never really switching off is exhausting, especially if you're someone who needs time alone to recharge (much like myself).
A day to yourself isn't avoiding parenting, it's looking after yourself. You'll probably come back feeling refreshed, calmer and more able to cope with all the demands that come with having a toddler and we all know how brutal toddlers can be. It was by far for me the most difficult stage. My daughter had terrible tantrums at that age, some days were just about getting through the day for me.

Also, your husband is her parent too. Looking after his own child for a day isn't doing you a favour, it's parenting. There shouldn't be any guilt attached to you having a day for yourself. Wanting a few hours or a day to recharge is completely normal and doesn't mean you don't love being a mum. Book the shopping trip, enjoy and don't forget a minute feel guilty!

If a day is too difficult to negotiate guilt free, say you need to buy new coat / shoes / jeans and say you're popping out for a couple of hours. A few weeks after that push the time to three hours. And repeat +1hour each time.