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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband comment

67 replies

jbcing · 06/06/2026 19:15

This morning my husband and I met friends (also a couple) for coffee and they were saying they were going to a wedding this evening.

My friend said “would you marry each other again if it was an option?” I took this as, if we could go back - would you choose to get married.

He INSTANTLY said “no”. I was a bit shocked and just shrugged it off as “oh what’s he like!”

we got home and I told him i am upset and feel embarrassed. he said I’m being ridiculous and have taken it the wrong way, as it was a joke.

i am now not only upset at the comment, but at him just shrugging off my feelings and not apologising for contributing to me feeling this way.

am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
LizandDerekGoals · 07/06/2026 00:13

Id have said no too. Does that mean i divorce me dh now? No as we have a life together.

marieeewonders1970 · 07/06/2026 00:10

He’s a nob. I don’t respect people like this, and I feel sorry for you to have to put up with that kind of shit. He’s obviously trying to impress other people because at heart he isn’t satisfied with his own bullshit.

Firefly1987 · 06/06/2026 23:51

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 06/06/2026 19:28

This reminds me of a conversation I had with DH that went something like, ‘if you had the opportunity to go back in time and do it all again, would you?’ Of course he says yes and I’m like, ‘errrr what about me and the children!!’ I would say absolutely not as then I wouldn’t have met my partner and had my kids whereas he would zoom back in time and do it again. He tried to say he meant that we’d meet each other again or something but I still hold it against him 🤣

Hang on, what do you think that question means? Why would you want him to say no Confused

CypressGrove · 06/06/2026 23:39

It's such a weird question to ask - what was the mood like in the asking? Was it generally light-hearted conversation- more like weddings are such a lot of faff and waste of money, would you do it again? Or was it more serious about marriage itself being hard work, would you do it again?

somanychristmaslights · 06/06/2026 23:33

My husband would have said “no”, looked at me and laughed whilst I poked him hard in the ribs and then said “of course I would”. But we banter like that.
so it depends, he could have absolutely been joking but if you don’t like jokes like that, then you’ve taken it seriously.

shhblackbag · 06/06/2026 23:33

That's hurtful. "Just a joke" is so tedious. I'd keep my eyes open from now on.

AnAutumnCrow · 06/06/2026 23:30

Didimum · 06/06/2026 19:33

Weird your friend asked that really. What kind of question is that for a double date coffee morning?

Yes it’s a stupid question, isn’t it - I mean, what’s the point of it?

Tbh I’d reply to something like that with a bit of equally pointless sarcasm eg ‘why? You got a time machine to sell on Facebook marketplace? Is it an MLM opportunity in multidimensional space, Barbara?’

(Maybe it’s on one of those hideous ‘conversation starter’ cards that are being increasingly mentioned on MN Confused)

Pickledonion1999 · 06/06/2026 23:21

ForSnappySwan · 06/06/2026 19:56

Have read this twice and do not follow

Show quote history

Glad I'm not the only one !

oliviaAustin · 06/06/2026 23:16

Did he mean like a second wedding like a vow renewal he wouldn’t be up for?

CarlottaBeans · 06/06/2026 23:16

I’m always intrigued by people who ask these kinds of questions. I mean, what response were they looking for?

ForAzureSeal · 06/06/2026 23:13

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 06/06/2026 19:28

This reminds me of a conversation I had with DH that went something like, ‘if you had the opportunity to go back in time and do it all again, would you?’ Of course he says yes and I’m like, ‘errrr what about me and the children!!’ I would say absolutely not as then I wouldn’t have met my partner and had my kids whereas he would zoom back in time and do it again. He tried to say he meant that we’d meet each other again or something but I still hold it against him 🤣

I think you've misunderstood surely? The most common meaning of "I would do it all again" means "I would make the same choices as I did first time round. I would choose you." It's very romantic!

Laurmolonlabe · 06/06/2026 22:58

This is not a joke, it's hurtful- at best unthinking, at worst malicious- he needs to explain what he meant and apologise.

Exhaustemonte · 06/06/2026 20:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheBloomingDahlia · 06/06/2026 20:17

I would’ve assumed they were asking if you’d have a wedding again ie was it worth the expense, but if they were literally asking if you’d marry each other again, who the hell asks that in front of the spouse?? If he didn’t say “no I’d have a tiny ceremony”, or something sarcastic while laughing/winking/putting his arm around you because that’s his usual humour, then I would be upset with his answer

Fontet · 06/06/2026 20:17

Ditch the so called friend! What an odd question to ask….

JLou08 · 06/06/2026 20:17

Do you feel like he loves you and wants to be with you?
I'd laugh if my DH said this as I'd know it wasn't the truth. If I'd said it and he got upset I'd think he was being silly as there are no issues in our marriage, and if there were it would be something I'd discuss in private.
I'd assume it to be a joke if any other couple said it in front of me too unless there was a very uncomfortable and tense atmosphere.

JLou08 · 06/06/2026 20:11

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 06/06/2026 19:28

This reminds me of a conversation I had with DH that went something like, ‘if you had the opportunity to go back in time and do it all again, would you?’ Of course he says yes and I’m like, ‘errrr what about me and the children!!’ I would say absolutely not as then I wouldn’t have met my partner and had my kids whereas he would zoom back in time and do it again. He tried to say he meant that we’d meet each other again or something but I still hold it against him 🤣

I read that as would you go back and do it all again as in would you want to live the same life again. I've often said I'd like to go back in time and do it all again, meaning I want to live them early years with my DC again because it was great, not because I'd change anything.

shelvedplans · 06/06/2026 20:09

Maybe your friends do not think you two would marry each other if you had the option to start again. So they wanted to know if they were right, so asked.

I asked my married-in uncle once if he’d still marry my aunt if he could turn back the clock. She’d become an alcoholic during their marriage so I thought he never would. I was surprised he said yes.

shelvedplans · 06/06/2026 20:02

@jbcing could he have thought, renewing vows perhaps, when asked would you marry each other again if it was an option?

Because I would say an instant no to that too.

2dogsandabudgie · 06/06/2026 20:02

It was such a stupid question to ask a married couple in the first place that it deserved a stupid answer. I think I would have said no as well just to see the look on their faces.

outerspacepotato · 06/06/2026 19:58

Jokes are funny. That isn't at all funny. That's one of those, oh shit, really awkward, ew, move on moments only he just dropped a bombshell.

He just showed your friends and you what an asshole he is and what he thinks of your marriage. Extreme disrespect.

Time for a come to Jesus with your husband if he feels that way.

vanessashanessa99 · 06/06/2026 19:57

Ask him to explain the joke. Or what the punchline was. If he can't tell him a joke at your expense isn't a joke, it's a dig.

ForSnappySwan · 06/06/2026 19:56

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 06/06/2026 19:28

This reminds me of a conversation I had with DH that went something like, ‘if you had the opportunity to go back in time and do it all again, would you?’ Of course he says yes and I’m like, ‘errrr what about me and the children!!’ I would say absolutely not as then I wouldn’t have met my partner and had my kids whereas he would zoom back in time and do it again. He tried to say he meant that we’d meet each other again or something but I still hold it against him 🤣

Have read this twice and do not follow

MyLimeGuide · 06/06/2026 19:55

Also. May i add your "friend" for saying such a question? Is she really a friend? Sounds like a massive dick to me!

MyLimeGuide · 06/06/2026 19:53

Absolutely depends on the tone. I mean, did he say "no" then wink at you and give you a cheeky pinch and smile, or "NO" not even look at you etc...