American Influencers who terminated for T21.

With Down’s syndrome I think it’s got the image of a happy child, living life without a care in the world, bringing joy to everyone…

people romanticise the perpetual childhood aspect of it.

in reality it can be as brutal as any other severe disability. On the child physically and mentally, as well as on the carers. This part they don’t show.

in the us there seems to be a cult of caring for a severely disabled child and advocating for medical intervention to keep them alive as long as possible, regardless of the child’s quality of life or suffering. There’s a fair few accounts on social media, with a lot of “god is good” and invoking Jesus that the child survived the last near death resuscitation.

Christianity in the states currently has a lot to answer for.

America is pretty much Gilead. I'm actually impressed they've been able to access a termination. But then disabled people are valued less than women so I guess that does make sense.

Anywhoo, it's obvious they would get this backlash. If they wanted to avoid it they could have lied and said they lost the baby, so they've obviously chosen to accept the backlash.

That’s exactly what it means there are choices there they may not be great choices but they exist.

This is what confuses me.

Women get abortions all the time - what's the difference between an abortion at 14 weeks for DS, vs any other reason? And yet as soon as a woman says she had an abortion for DS, suddenly it's terrible, unacceptable, and hurtful to people with DS or their parents.

It's very strange.

No there is no law. There’s no law children must care for elderly parents. There’s no law anyone has to care for another adult person.

but we do it. Because there’s no one else. Because we’re expected to. Because there isn’t the money to pay for help.

obligation, societal judgement, not wanting to see a relative dumped in the care system- there are lots of unpaid carers in the UK. None are forced to, but that doesn’t mean they can just..not do it.

It’s social pressure that makes people take on siblings and the fear they will be mistreated/unloved in care.

I know someone who is very religious and wants to take on her sister with DS. She is also autistic and has a multitude of health issues. She cannot be left alone and can rarely go out. Her parents are mostly housebound, but she can’t see what a negative effect it will have on her children.

This.

my sd learned at pre school age how to sit with the belongings and not move while everyone else rushed off to sort her severely autistic brother, who’d run off again.

she grew up with her brothers needs first and foremost. She’d be late for school. Hobbies, they didn’t want her to do them so db would be the excuse.

she lived at home until her late 20’s because she was guilt tripped into staying. Fortunately she met a man from another country 7 hours flight away and moved there. That actually contributed to breaking the whole family apart, for long and complicated reasons, including an inheritance they were never entitled to. Once you don’t have additional live in carers, you need money to pay for respite.

There is no law that states a sibling must take over the care of a disabled child/adult when their parents are unable to do so, There are services in place in this country to take responsibility for seriously disabled people. I’m afraid I don’t know the American system but in the UK if you don’t feel you can care for a sibling then you don’t have to.

I know an elderly lady who has a severely autistic son who is now in his late thirties. It looks so hard. I imagine it is similar to DS. He is in care for most of the week. If you can be forewarned of this level of disability I think that is good. I am sure the lady I talk of would probably have chosen an abortion if she could have.

I saw the statement and thought it was badly written. I'm not surprised it didn't impress people. Not deserving of death threats of course.

If I was them I would have just vaguely said we had to terminate for private medical reasons. The backlash in the USA is rather predictable.

Why am I misogynistic? And I have no problem calmly and politely making my case. Why do you?

I recently read " Yesteryear", the new novel about a tradwife influencer. It's good reading on the stupidity of living your life on Insta.

Sally Phillips was married to someone very wealthy, I’m sure she doesn’t encounter half the issues most parents do.

my mum worked in respite care in the 80s. Children would regularly come for weekends and weeks. I’m guessing this doesn’t exist in the same now. My friend has money to pay for someone to help with her disabled daughter and has never been able to find anyone to do it.

Yes, I would. In the vanishingly unlikely circumstance that happened for any reason other than incompatibility with life, and the mother couldn't be convinced to opt for live birth and adoption instead, then abortion is probably preferable than a vulnerable child being given into the care of someone who is so deeply mentally disturbed.

Although I would of course rather see encouragement of the uptake of long-term contraceptives, early abortions, or adoption.

I’m in a support group for adults whose siblings have medical problems. The term is glass child. We are the ignored children who are expected to look after our siblings when our parents die. Most our childhoods were ruined by multiple stays with relatives when the siblings were in hospital, they were constantly prioritised over us and we learned to squash our feelings and needs down. As adults we give up our careers, lose relationships or choose not to have children of our own. Often we have been attacked, one of my friends had her arm repeatedly broken by her brother.
We know we will never be free

That’s a bloody great point.

That’s a bloody great point.

So you're just misogynistic and anti-choice then. Well, that's good to know; the reasonable people can just ignore your opinion from here on out.

How can you "exercise a bit of care" or "be accountable" to prevent conceiving a severely disabled child?

Have you reported the death threats and the really offensive posts to Instagram?

And it's parenting a child or adult with disabilities in America where the cost of even a small operation can bankrupt people. Having a child who might need recurrent heart or other surgeries throughout their life just might not be financially possible for many people.