American Influencers who terminated for T21.

It's sickening. I'm not one to believe theories I read on X but I genuinely believe that this was made up and it's truly outrageous.

God those titles. Is nothing sacred?

All children are a ‘burden’ which reduces to the sum of their care needs, nobody would want to do it. It’s the beauty of knowing them and therefore the care being worth it. I don’t know anyone that would wish away a disabled relative for any reason.

I totally acknowledge the odds of lifelong care
for a child with DS are higher than without. But look at the sheer number of people on here with anxious, autistic kids who ‘seemed fine until the wheels came off at 14’ or whatever, who say they will never be independent.

Parenting is just a huge lottery and the odds of having a SEN child seem very high whichever way you look at it now.

I don’t understand this witch hunt either. It is a personal decision and one I hopefully never have to make. I have no doubt that people with DS can have fulfilling lives, or that I’d be able to love and care for a child regardless of disabilities or anything else that gets thrown in our way, but what would make me seriously think about a termination in this situation is what will happen to them when they are an adult and I’m not around anymore. The thought of them being at the mercy of the state and potentially scared and confused why their mother has abandoned them would break my heart.

I am leaving Mumsnet and deleting this post.

With respect though, you admit your child has “literally no health issues”

you may have a lovely life with your wonderful T21 child, but it’s not like that for everyone.

no one tmfr because they think the child is less of a person. It’s not just a bit of DNA, it can mean months in hospital, years of operations, no communication, early onset Alzheimer’s, full time care, worry about what happens when you are gone. You might not be able to work, no respite care.

some T21 children can be a burden. Because yours is not doesn’t mean none are.

if your child had been born with the severe issues that t21 children can have, your life would be very different. And we’re not seeing that in social media…

Lots of sicko influencers do this, it’s all about the money to them. I don’t know if this couple have other children, but I hope they don’t and I hope they don’t have any in future, because they will just be used and exploited for cash. This baby was better not being born into such a family.

Unfortunately some parents struggle more and do find their child to be a burden though. For the person I know with a child with Down syndrome, as well as the day to day struggles of which there are many due to her child’s health issues, she also worries endlessly about what will happen when she is no longer able to care for her or is no longer here. You can’t categorically say they are not a burden.

I will not cry as my youngest is due back from school. This topic always gets to me. I knew prenatally about T21 and yes I did have the child. She is lovely and literally no health issues. She also loves KPop so I getting ready for the 20th watching of KPop demon hunters. I would never damn these people for their choice but people with DS are not a burden. I work and we have another wonderful child who is doing extremely well at their GCSEs. Life is too short to be nasty but I love my children and I get upset when people think my youngest is less of a person for having an extra bit of DNA. I will give her an extra big hug. She loves hugs.

Why else would you do it??

They haven’t been living under a rock, so they know full well what a divisive subject it is in America.

What grates on me is that they have monetised this.

I have no evidence of it being made up but it certainly wouldn't be the first sick thing to happen for online engagement.

There are several posts that show their history on YouTube. Several videos made for shock value, all based around their relationship and around people dying or being in A&E.

I'll try and attach the image if I can.

It’s a tough one, at first I thought they should have kept this information private. But on social media I also see a lot of accounts from parents of children with DS where they constantly talk about how wrong it is for people to terminate DS pregnancies and how much they love their life and their child. Which is obviously good for them, but think on social media it has been taboo to talk about terminating DS pregnancies and I actually think it is important for the other side to be shown so couples in the same situation can see that some people make the decision to terminate and move on with their lives. Sadly i think the back lash from this will likely have the opposite effect.

As someone who has had a child with medical problems and been in and out of hospital (thankfully nothing long lasting) it is the toughest thing.

What's the evidence for that? I can only imagine how many people have had painful wounds re-opened by this whole thing and how much worse that would be if it were made up.

So apparently (according to X) the whole thing is made up, it's unconfirmed but certainly looks possible from their YouTube history.

That's a whole new level of sickness if it's true.

I'm pro choice and I don't judge them for having a termination, but I think sharing it and the whole pregnancy on social media (not to mention monetising it) was a really bad idea. I really don't agree with influencers using their pregnancies and children for content. I saw a lot of nasty comments on both sides. There were plenty of people saying cruel things about the couple but I also saw lots of people on Twitter saying disgusting things about people with Down's syndrome and other disabilities. You can defend the right to choose without spouting literal Nazi rhetoric about disabled people. Having a disability doesn't make your life worthless or make you any less of a person than non disabled people. Most disabilities can't be diagnosed before birth anyway. We should be doing a much better job as a society of providing high quality support, respite care and full time care when needed for disabled children and adults.

Thanks. I wondered and I'll take your word for it, as I have no need to verify.

TBH, I was surprised at the comments they got. I read quite a few on Facebook. I didn't even know who this guy was until it randomly popped up on my newsfeed. I thought TFMR was pretty accepted now and that even if you didn't agree, why on earth would you dump on a couple who have just been through it? Disagree maybe but many of the comments amounted to vicious bullying. I can understand some reaction from the DS community though, that makes sense.

I used to work with a lady who had twins with DS (I know it is very rare). She was in the local paper about them. Said how amazing there were and how she would not have changed a thing. At work, she would say the opposite, and how she regretting having them. She was knackered and was always worried about what would happen to them when she was too old to take proper care of them.

That’s it.
Ridiculous behaviour by influencers for clicks.

My thoughts exactly.
They're 'influencers' so are benefiting from this financially which just makes it even worse.

All the bible thumping pro lifers are using it as an example of the evils of abortion as well. I am pro choice and I think they didn’t right thing. If they know they can’t handle a disabled child then that’s kinder than resenting it its whole life. But, should they have splashed it all over social media? Probably not the smartest idea. It’s been twisted into ‘oh they hate all disabled people and want them all to die’.

But that’s something you can handle or be happy with.

not everyone can. And that’s fair enough.

This. This is all there is to it. They made a decision to what they could cope with. I certainly wouldn’t be a let to raise a SN child so I fully support them.
it’s a sad situation all round.

I cannot see how it’s a sane mindset to be about to discover these results and to think ‘oh let me just set the camera up first’. That’s my issue with this and much else on social media. It’s not normal, it’s never been normal. Because so many people are doing similar children are growing up thinking it’s normal to film these types of things. I have many chats with nurses about people filming themselves dramatically in hospital because they think it’s normal because so many celebrities now do it. Of all the times I’ve been in hospital I’ve never once thought ‘oh I must film and post this’. Bizarre world.