Ex partner won't come to hospital for miscarriage

Im sorry you're going through this. I personally wouldn't want him there. Take someone who actually cares about you.

That support was conditional.

You’re now just an ex someone who he never has to see or speak to again.
9 years or 9 weeks that’s it an ex.

Theoretically, it's not unreasonable expect the father of the child to support the mother when she's losing the baby. That's what any halfway decent human being would do.

But practically speaking, it's unreasonable to expect this particular man to do it because he's clearly a knob of the first water.

I'm so sorry about the miscarriage.

Why on earth would you want the man who treated you like that to be there and what makes you think he's capable of giving that support?

Are you sure you're not hoping this will somehow bring him back?

For a lot of men it’s not a baby till it’s born really the feelings don’t come as fast and strong.

Also you’d just split up when you announced you were pregnant he offered to try the relationship again if you want. You said no. Then you miscarried.

To him like a pp said it’s likely a relief that he won’t be stuck co parenting and since the baby wasn’t real yet for him there was no emotional attachment for him.

There’s a reason he’s an ex.

You clearly want more from this and are hoping he’ll come back. It's not going to happen.

He showed you what he’s like when he started OLD immediately. He’s over it.

Take your friend/mum instead. I hope Tuesday goes as well as it can.

I’m sorry you’re going through a miscarriage. I can imagine it’s an incredibly difficult thing to go through. However having someone with you may be for practicalities or for emotional support. As an ex, this doesn’t fall to him and you need to call on family or friends as you have now done.

I am sorry for your pain. It’s really upsetting going through a miscarriage especially alone. When the relationship is over, the love and support disappears too. Never give him the time of day again.

I don't know why you think he's the man to support you through this or why you'd want him to.

I don't think he's at all unreasonable to prioritise his current relationship, especially when he offered to be there for you and you said no.

I had a surgical management of a miscarriage and while Dh was there for some of it (not all because we had an older child who needed to be taken to and collected from school), there is no way I’d want an ex who is acting like a twat there. It really is completely manageable on your own, though ideally you should have someone home with you the first 24 hours or so. But definitely would not have wanted an ex there at the hospital or at home in these circumstances. A friend or family member is who you need.

I don’t think this is the right person to have with you, you will need support and some to put your needs first.
Forget him and ask your mum/sister/friend instead

Sorry to hear of the miscarriage.

He really isn’t who you should be calling on for support, he seems completely checked out now. I’m not sure he’s being U though as you specifically said you could bring a friend or family member, so you won’t be going alone.

I voted Yabu as why would you want your ex there for support rather than someone like a close friend/mum/sister?

Yes he's a complete dick but why would you want him at the hospital over your mum or best friend.
Wishing you well for Tuesday.

Sorry you are going through this OP. You've recently split up, he's moved on and no longer wants to be in your life. You need someone with you who cares and will continue to care as you start to recover. He's not the right person.

I say a harsh truth with kindness…. Let it go and let him go. You cannot change the fact that he doesn’t want to be with you. The truth is he’s already moved on and his priority is his thrilling new shag, not you or the miscarriage. It’s evident he wants nothing to do with you, so don’t use this as a lever to try to hang on to him or try to somehow bring him to some kind of epiphany. This is painful in the moment, but it’s over. Don’t degrade yourself by trying to hang on and somehow change the ending and transform him into a kind, empathetic person who cares. Accept reality. Cry and rage, and then move on.

He's a fucking arse. But although he's massively wrong, he's also not the person to be with you when you're in pain and sorrow. He clearly doesn't give a fuck about the loss of your child, so I'd either go it alone or take someone who can appreciate your loss and grief.

He's entirely the wrong person to be there to support you through this.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but he has clearly chosen to move on so you need to find others to support you

Tbh he’s probably relieved that you’re miscarrying the baby because he won’t have to be tied to you in the future, like he would if you shared a child.

Let him go - he’s not worth your energy .

It's an awfully painful way to find out that ending the relationship is absolutely the right thing for you. I don't think he's setting boundaries. I think he's just unbothered and letting you know, in the most painful way, that your relationship is beyond over. That he's doing this to you at your lowest ebb tells you who he is and what he stands for. He is kicking you while your down and as horrible as that is, it's a reminder that he is not up to the job of being a supportive, compassionate friend in need (after 9 years, you would think he'd have a bit of compassion to at least send a text- the bare minimum).
This is what is making the miscarriage harder. You're losing your baby and you've lost your partner/baby's father. This is intensely painful. You're in a period of great loss and endings.
There will be a time- not now but one day- when you will look back at this sad period and recognise that it was also a portal to a new chapter, making room for new love and new possibilities to enter your life. You have to go through this to get to the other side, which will eventually show up. You will know happiness again.
I am so sorry that you're miscarrying. I am so sorry that you are learning, at the hardest time and in the hardest way, that the man with whom you spent 9 years really isn't a person of support anymore. You will move on and you will grow, but in the meantime, gather your loving army, doesn't matter if it's small. Surround yourself with those whose love and support is unwavering, solid, and steady. Your ex is not in that army.

Were you asking him to get back together after the hospital, or to be there to offer you support and then just get dropped again?

If it’s the latter then you can presumably see why he would not want that.

I think it blurs the lines hugely. He asked her to get back, she said no. I think it would be very inappropriate for him to be there at such a personal moment.