Ex partner won't come to hospital for miscarriage

That isn't really comparable. I have had two miscarriages before you say anything.

I’m sorry for your loss (both the miscarriage and the relationship). However, it is unfair of you to expect your ex to be your support in hospital for this - it isn’t about the baby, it’s about and the support you will need. An ex just isn’t in a position to give you that support, and it will blur the lines.

Checking his phone wouldn’t have been ok if you were in a relationship, I cannot believe you thought you had the right to go through his phone because you didn’t like the answer he gave you when you asked him to go with you. It sounds like he was trying not to hurt you by not telling you where he was going to be - you digging and finding out he’s going to be spending time with the new woman is why you feel hurt now.

I am glad your friend is able to go with you. You need to put your ex in the past now.

I am really sorry you are having to go through this , but being truthful here , I did vote yabu and was ( a bit ) relieved to see I'm not the only one who has because as I type 91% agree with me .

You are going through an incredibly stressful time but further down the line I think you will see it was the correct thing to do by him saying no to going .

He's not your person any longer and I get that you could argue that he is the father but many men don't get that a women has feelings for the baby from day 1 of finding out about it but for men it can take much longer .

Take someone along who cares for you and can emotionally support you .
Take care .

You’ve split up and he’s with someone else now. Whilst you might think he’s moved on a bit too quickly, he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. It’s inappropriate for him to be there.

Is that who you would really want with you when you are having an intimate procedure? An ex who is now with someone else? It sounds to me like you’re trying to hang on to something that has ended.

Well, I guess you know what kind of person he really is now OP. You're not unreasonable to think that he SHOULD be prepared to come with you, but honestly, do you really want him there? I bloody wouldn't. He's a pathetic, selfish excuse of a human being, but please take a friend instead

Some men are only caring and compassionate towards the people in their inner circle, and it can be absolutely brutal to find yourself on the outside. It’s not even uncommon for their own dc to fall outside that protective circle when they are no longer in love with their mother

I don’t think the last 9 years were a sham - what you had was real, because you were on the inside, but it’s over now. His psychology is different to yours, and judging him against your own standards will lead you to conclusions that are unnecessarily painful. Your circle of compassion isn’t as small or as contained. If you were to treat someone like he is treating you, there would have to be much more hate in your heart. You probably couldn’t.

Right now you need to protect yourself and surround yourself with compassionate people who care for you. It’s an absolutely brutal experience on every level

After the support at the hospital how did you see him featuring in your life?

He’s not your partner any more so it’s not his job to support you through a medical procedure. If you had parted on good terms and he wanted to be there that would be different but YABU to expect him to attend if he doesn’t want to. The normal thing would be for friends and/or family to support you, not your ex.

He asked you if you wanted support...
He asked if I wanted to get back together and try again however I said no,

He played fair with you.

You made your choice so just live with it.
Pick someone else.

You really want this man there? Yes, it's his baby, but it sounds like he has no interest. The most charitable interpretation I can make is that he's grieving in a very strange way/feels overwhelmed.
Did the hospital definitely say someone could be there, because they completely refused to allow women to have anyone with them with me? It wasn't that long ago either. I know things could have changed, but I would feel terrible if I didn't say to check, because I wouldn't want you blindsided on the day-and mine was an NHS hospital not that long ago.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but if you are allowed someone, please pick someone who WANTS to support you.

@ThisIsMyUsername0 It was at this point I found out I was pregnant and told him. He asked if I wanted to get back together and try again however I said no, so he has kept on seeing this woman.

You've made a decision that you don't want a relationship with him. This is the correct decision, but then you shouldn't have an ex-partner in your life.

As sad as the situation is, this man has shown you exactly who he is. He's not interested in supporting you, regardless of the fact you are miscarrying his baby. Yes, it's heartless and a shitty thing to do, but as he's busy meeting up with and shagging other women, days after your split, his behaviour now shouldn't be that much of a surprise.

He's now your ex, and as hurt as you may be, you can't force him to support you. What he's doing and who with, is no longer your business. Looking at his phone, hasn't helped you emotionally at all, it's made you feel even worse, because you have confirmation that he's not interested in you.

Ask a friend of family member to attend your hospital appointment with you. Unless you have financial or property ties to your ex, then you can block and never see/speak to him again.

Sending a hug ❤️

If I'd just split up with someone and their parent died, I'd be there at the funeral to support them. You'd be a right arse to turn off your compassion like that

Quite honestly I don't understand why you would want him to come. An ex I had recently had an acrimonious split with would the very last person I would want with me at such an appointment.

I'm sorry to hear this OP - your emotions and hormones must be all over the place

You said that you have had two previous miscarriages and that your (now ex) partner was supportive at the time. Were they planned pregnancies?

What was the argument about? The timeline isn't clear tbh (or I am misunderstanding - entirely possible)

Kindly you need to remember this is also about him. His relationship has also ended-evenif he has ran head first into a new one! You need to accept you can't expect anything from him now. As hard a fact as it is.
I am glad your friend is able to support you, and I firmly believe in this situation will be more of a conform for you, then your Ex.
You are grieving OP, the loss of your home, relationship, and now for a miscarriage. You really need to concentrate on you and your future 💐

You’d decided before this that you didn’t want him. He’s moved on. You can’t pick and chose and it’s unreasonable to do so

Going through his phone is disgraceful - who do you think you are?

I’ve had that procedure. You want a supportive person there, a friend/family member. Someone who will look after you. As an aside, go for a general anaesthetic if you can.

I agree
I absolutely wouldn’t want him anywhere near me and this is a prime example of why.
you’ve had a very lucky escape from this awful man and you won’t want to think of this now, but in time you’ll meet someone lovely and have a baby with them.
find a good friend to go with you - someone who has your back and will be a support ❤️

Those 9 years aren't a sham at all, OP. And that's why it hurts. Because you remember the love and the good parts that aren't showing up now at your hour of need. Some people really do have enough compassion to still show up. You've not been broken up for long. This is his baby too. You are miscarrying. Honestly, if he were my son, I'd be ashamed of him. I'd be having strong words, to say the least. Where's your heart? This would be my first question.
OP, have you ever watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? There's a part where he says, "At least come back and make up a goodbye. Pretend we had one."
I think, in a way, the miscarriage could have been that. At least he could have seen you through this ending of all that was you and him. I am a big believer, in this age of ghosting, in showing up for all endings. Even if it's a card or a text... something to say, "I am here for you and for our ending." It doesn't have to be grand. It just has to be a goodbye of a sort. Close the circle. We heal better when we do this. And as painful as this is, you will find an alternative way of closing this circle and healing.
Pour your love into your angel to whom you are saying goodbye. Give your angel your love, your tears, your goodbyes. And let those who really know how to hold you and love you do their job. And just allow yourself to fall apart for a while and feel this, live through it, and come out the other side. You will recover. And you will be happy. Your heart will know joy again.

He’s not your partner now. At this point, it’s your medical procedure, not his. Take someone you’re close to and will provide love and support you 💐

Like the other pp, I can understand your hurt and disappointment over this. On top of suffering the loss of your child, you're being confronted with the fact that your ex has moved on very quickly from your relationship, which probably indicates that he'd already checked out of it before it officially ended. That's difficult to accept for sure. If you want to move on from him yourself, I think you are doing the right thing in having someone else with you at the hospital. Also have a think about whether, had the pregnancy been viable, you would have wanted your ex to be present at the birth of what would have been your and his child? Probably you'd give an emphatic no to that scenario. So too should he not be present with you now, as he not only wouldn't be the support you need, he would remind you of the bastard he is. Take care of yourself.