Ex partner won't come to hospital for miscarriage

She let him go. She’s not asking him back, she wants his support for a day then will dump him again.

the relationship broke down
He immediately hooks up with someone else
you find out pregnant, he offers to give it another go, you say “no” so he cracks on with his new girlfriend
you go around to his phone, sneakily check his phone
then a screaming row kicked off between
the pair of you

firstly - thank goodness it’s over. Clearly neither of you were right for one
another. Secondly, it truly is baffling that your want him there.

anyway just focus now on getting the procedure done and moving on.

no more going around to his house, checking his phone or indeed any communication

I’m so sorry op. What a scumbag! Well this has truly shown you what a horrible person he is. I don’t think Yabu in wanting him there as this is such a personal thing between both of you BUT he is only going to cause you much more pain.
Disgusting to treat you like this after 9 years.

Discovering a boyfriend of one year on a dating site is not a red flag. It’s a flag that has ‘I am an asshole that cheats on you’ emblazoned across it.

What good would it be having him there?

It would be great if he was supporting you.

But just let the doctors take care of you.

Sorry for what has happened, it’s so hard.

For me it’s not about that it’s about accepting that this man is a total waste of space and not somebody I’d want supporting me regardless of the 9 year relationship and the fact it’s his baby. I’d want to do it without him to protect myself. It’s not about being okay with anything he is doing it’s about accepting the situation for what it is and people who they are and doing what we can in that

I think better alone than with someone you despise. Thank goodness your bf can come

Nor does it sound like someone id want by my side in a distressing medical procedure. I think that is what most are flummoxed by

This is spot on

What a very upsetting situation, OP, I am sorry you are going through this.

I can see that in your anger at him you would feel that he has a moral duty to come with you, and he is shirking that duty in favour of a shag when you are going through what you are going through. And you might think that he would express some solidarity in sadness for the loss of his baby. I would be disgusted and furious with him. Whether that is rational or not.

But in reality, as everyone is saying, you need someone genuinely supportive, on your side, a person you can trust and be vulnerable with.

And he is the last person to fulfil that function.

OP you need someone there with you who loves and cares about you and can support you. He is a twat.

I'm amazed at how happy posters are with someone leaving a 9 year relationship, and trying to date again the next day and meeting someone new in the same week.
It doesn't sound like someone who was faithful during the relationship tbh!

He’s now your ex. I assume had you said yes when finding out you were pregnant to him offering to give it another go, he would have ended this current relationship and worked at it with you to raise your child. As you said no he continued to look to his future with this new relationship rather than the past with you. Which isn’t unreasonable. He’s don’t think he has done anything wrong. I’m sorry if that seems callous. You checked his phone which isn’t any of your business anymore and you don’t get to pick and choose what bits of him and his time you do want and what you don’t want anymore.

I can’t imagine much of the last 9 years have been particularly happy or healthy either @ThisIsMyUsername0 . See this as the start of a new chapter for you both.

An ex is just that you don't own them anymore

I think this sums up what I think. I’m sorry you are going through a miscarriage, but I think overall you are being unreasonable.

You broke up, for whatever reason, and on finding out you were pregnant you did not want to give the relationship another try. I assume you had good reasons for both of those decisions, so best not to blur the lines IMHO.

You need someone who is there for you. He is not able to do that and/or does not want to- it actually doesn’t make him a bad person if he does not want to be there to support you, given your relationship ended. I also think the way you have both acted after the end of your relationship (him jumping into seeing someone else, you overstepping boundaries by some margin by going through his phone), suggests to me you wound be better off with someone else there to support you. I think you are highly likely to be antagonistic towards each other and that is not what you need right now.

This is different from your previous miscarriages- when he was your partner, of course he was there for you. Now you are not his partner, I don’t think he has an obligation to attend medical appointments with you. I can see why he might not want to be, given what has happened between you recently and if he is now with someone else, maybe he does not feel it’s appropriate any more?

Once someone is single, they are entitled to move on- whether that is a causal sexual relationship, a rebound or jumping into another committed relationship. I agree he moved on quickly and I can understand why that would hurt after you have been together for such a long time. However, you don’t have a veto on his next relationship- whether that is when/how or with whom that is. At the point your relationship ended, it is none of your business really (you can feel how you like, but again it does not make him “a shit’ to move on quickly).

As for going through his phone, I do think that was inappropriate. It is an invasion of privacy- you are no longer even in a relationship with this man- I’m not surprised he was furious. I would be incandescent if an ex-partner went through my phone. Even more so had they then used what they found to berate me and call me names because they didn’t like what they found. You had no right, and given this I think it is best you both maintain firm boundaries.

Agree you will only need someone to pick you up, not hold your hand during the procedure. They should knock you out, and you'll be in a sterile theatre.

Just draw a line under the relationship and have a family member or a friend go with you to the hospital. When you find yourself begging a man to accompany you to hospital for a D&C you need to realise he isn't worth your time or energy.

Sorry you're going through all of this x

Im sorry for your loss. Im glad to see your friend is coming with you, you need someone to provide you with support and care and he's not the person to give you that, I think given the situation he'd just add to the stress of it. I'm sure your friend will be a much better support for you. 💐

He’s a dick
you don’t need him there
or in your life

I had this procedure and I just needed someone to collect me. Not someone with me.