Weekends when you’re in a relationship with a man with a child… should I be less selfish?

I was in a similar situation with my ex. Apart from I also had a child with him. I woukd never date a man with a child again. It works for some people but I just have no attraction to even spending time with other people's kids. Took me a long time to realise it though.

@shuggles

eh?! Most people- men and women- don’t ’grow out’ of having friendships. Friendships are for life! They are very important

So another nanny with fanny sorry to say

you have his daughter while he goes out in the evenings ?

it’s not 50/50 and why doesn’t mum have weekends - I find they so weird

how did you meet him as 3hrs away - you’ve moved your life for him and he doesn’t seem to care for you

That's highly unusual. Most men don't have friends.

It is so common in fact, that there is endless commentary from women online about how frustrated and emotionally drained they are that they are having to carry the emotional burden of their male partners, because their male partners don't have anyone else to connect with. The term is "mankeeping."

Where do you work now? Do you have a huge commute each day?

You seem to have given up a lot to live with this man. Do you think it’s worth it? It sounds like you miss your old life a lot.

i think your p is being v really selfish. His daughter, up to him to look after her.

If he goes out a lot in the week, what do you do in the evenings? Do you ever spend time together?

What would your ideal life look like?

Parents who are still living together and raising a joint child together dont spend every spare moment together as “family time”

It is very normal and healthy for parents to have interests and hobbies and time away from the family unit. So being as this child isn’t even yours he can get fucked if he thinks he can blackmail you about having a life away from the family home.

You’ve moved very far for him and you’re away from family and friends, if anything he should be encouraging you to take the time to go and visit them and keep connections.

This is a classic case of a Dad expecting his new girlfriend to fill the role of mummy and do all of the childcare and heavy lifting. This is not your child and you should not be expected to be parenting them.

Do not have children with this man. If you think he’s being a tosser now just wait until the child is actually biologically yours. He’ll be expecting even more from you and doing even less himself.

@Monty36 , You become a family.
If he dumped her, she would not have any connection with the child. She'd probably never see the child ever again.

Move home OP where your family and friends are.

he sees you as a nanny with a fanny

Exactly what I came on to say

Has op left the thread? Are you there op because honestly there is some fantastic guidance ( not just advice) on this thread.

if you want to answer:
how did you meet your partner?
What is the age difference?
is there an income disparity that means he’s providing housing/ lifestyle you can’t afford alone?

im thinking he’s older with more money and he intentionally sought a younger childless
female ( because he doesn’t want to parent someone else’s child alone) and provides a nice house. This is all by his design. And if you met via social media/ apps ( 3 hrs apart) it was very very strategic on his part

Are you able to leave OP? I’m assuming your job in healthcare is close by.

Could you start applying for roles near your family and friends? Maybe stay with them a bit before getting a place of your own. What’s your escape plan?

Hes ok with leaving you every night for his hobbies and leaving you to look after his kid. Noway keep doing what you want.

Literally, he sees you as a nanny with a fanny.

You need to lay it out for him. You love her, but she's not your child. You're not childcare for her. You have your own family and friends and want to spend some of your free time with them.

And to say @Monty36 op is already babysitting for free for this man in the evenings so he can socialise with his friends and family but doesn't afford op the same despite her moving 3hrs away to be with him.... you feel this is fair? Don't be daft.

Op is not married to this man, she has no parental responsabilities and if they broke up she would have no legal recourse to see the child.

This is absolutely the fathers responsability to care for HIS daugther.

Move back, get your life back.

This

Beautifully put

Get out today

I'm with the majority who thinks this man is being overly demanding and selfish. Of course you have to maintain your relationships with family and friends and the weekend is the only time you can do this. Take a long cold look at this relationship; is he the man you thought he was, do you want to have children with him, what do you think your respective roles will be when you do?

Leave

Who are these men who have lost all their friends by their late 20s/30s?! 😂 I don’t know any of them. Dh is 40 and still has plenty of lovely friends, some from school, some from uni, some dad friends from school. He’s away this weekend with friends and family. He sees a friend probably once a month for a catch up or an activity or a night away doing something. I certainly don’t know any men in their 30s or 40s who don’t seem to have any friends.

Please leave this unspeakable cunt as fast as you can. Go and reclaim your life.

And a six hour commute is a lot. Start spending the night and splitting the commute between two days. I say this a parent who has a 4 hr round trip to see my DS at uni and it’s never enough time together. I can sleep there and it’s reasonably comfortable to stay there but not great sleeping in the couch. Stay with friends and parents.

Hmm. In other words, bad bad OP for having a sense of self and not letting herself be walked all over. And still no mention of any accountability on the mother's part.

I give up, you're clearly not open any perspectives other than your own.

This relationship is not for you it doesn't make you or him happy it probably doesn't make his daughter happy so much stress and blaming each other. No understanding or real communication or even commitment from either if you just call it a day and move on with your life.

He should be thrilled to one to one time with his dd as he misses out on seeing her half the week. Dh and I have 2 dc together and even we don’t spend all of every weekend with our own dc or together! Dh is away all this weekend. We were both away last weekend with one child each. Not at all unusual for us to each have a day or part of the day a few times a month doing something else. Even parents don’t spend every weekend with their children who live with them full time.

I mean, I think he probably does need to give some consideration to his contact arrangements. It doesn’t quite seem right that his dd misses every weekend with her mum. They should both be having weekends with her. And then he’d also have more time to spend with you. But realistically, it doesn’t sound like this relationship has legs long term. He kinda wants a nanny. You kinda still want your friends and family you moved away from. There are more fish in the sea and this one doesn’t sound all that great.