Weekends when you’re in a relationship with a man with a child… should I be less selfish?

No I am not !
I just think the whole situation is a mess. That was potentially avoidable.

Another loser man wanting a nanny with a fanny and trying to keep her away from her own family and interests because he’s not actually interested in parenting his own child, and neither is the child’s actual mother. Please dump this man.

Well it might be mum being unreasonable as she seems to decide not to have her child except for two days in midweek. There may be a valid reason for that though.

This poster is definitely the OP’s useless partner.

Why didn’t she think about how she would manage with hobbies and seeing family if this mattered ? She moved three hours away. Seeing them regularly is a six hour drive. She works full time.

You're not being unreasonable, but equally it doesn't sound like that relationship is working. Don't be afraid of seeking a life that will make you happy.

Why do you plan things for his kid? She's there to be with her dad not you. Who looks after her when he's out in the evenings?

Honestly I'd move out, he's using you for free childcare.

I think you should increase the amount of time you spend out of the home both at weekends and in the week (join a gym, your MH will benefit greatly) - just so his dd gets used to seeing less of you. And at the same time, look for a new job back home, and when you have found a good one, wave bye bye to your emotional blackmailer and his daughter and go back tonyour own life.

Have a think back to how keen he was to move you in? Unfortunately for the next sucker, he will replace you quite quickly.

He's being unreasonable..
You need to have a conversation with him about why he expects you to look after his DC pretty much 5 days a week while her own DM has her only twice, and never on a weekend.

If custody is 50/50 you need to remind him he's talking to the wrong person...in turn he needs to remind his ex.

Leave.

You can see your family and friends by moving out of your partner’s home and back to your family and friends who care for you.

He doesn’t care about you.

He’s using you.

You’re not selfish @Chillonthesarnie , on the contrary. You’ve been an amazing partner and step mother. Sadly your partner sees you as sex and a nanny, not much else. You need to go back home for your sanity and self respect.

Run!

Have you missed the bit in the OP where she says My partner goes out most evenings for hobbies and seeing friends because they live here and it’s easier for him

I wouldn’t waste my time with this situation.
I never dated men who had children in my single life a long time ago, a wise woman advised us against it as a child.

This
it clearly isn’t working for you
Leave him and move back nearer your family would be my advice

So he goes out most evenings for hobbies or to see friends, whilst you presumably babysit on the days his DD is there.

I was thinking about this too. You said in your OP:

My partner goes out most evenings for hobbies and seeing friends because they live here and it’s easier for him

As you have his DD for five nights a week I assume that means that for at least some, if not all of those nights you are the unpaid babysitter. Sorry OP, he doesn't value you for you, he's not in this because he loves you, he's in it because you make his life so much easier. He's off living a pretty much bachelor lifestyle and wants you there to enable it. It's sad for his DD but it's time you see this relationship for what it is and make plans to go back to the friends and family who are currently three hours away.

This is not the relationship for you, @Chillonthesarnie
You don't want a ready-made family and your partner expects you to be the mum when you are at home and take over child care so he can have hobbies. You have to end it. It isn't working and it likely won't. An expression from MN comes to mind: Your partner wants a nanny with a fanny.

Say it together … nanny with a fanny! Poor bloke, is his interchangeable childcare provider trying to have a life on Saturdays? He should have ordered a better interchangeable childcare provider who did not want to see friends and family.

Let’s be honest family isn’t all anyone needs, it’s not enough for ANYONE . People needs friends, career, hobbies, exercise, outside interests etc etc to maintain their wellbeing and mental health. He is proving that really well

So he's getting time for friends and hobbies during the week (are you minding his DD those evenings?) but if you want to do the same on one weekend day then you're selfish. Um..no.

Is there any chance of evening out the access so that it's back to 50:50 and maybe every other weekend? If not then this will no doubt be your life going forward. He doesn't want the responsibility of parenting solo, even for one day. He sounds like the selfish one OP. Give a lot of thought to whether you will accept this continuing.

I was thinking the same.
Personally I'd leave them to it and just move back home

Haven't RTFT, but my immediate reaction is that he and his daughter aren't the same kind of family as if she were your daughter, too. If she were, I'd say YWBU to leave her with him most of the day for half of the weekend on a regular basis. But seeing as she's his daughter and only your SD (and not even that, as you aren't married)—and that you live too far from your family to see them any other time—it's not quite the same. (Especially since he was perfectly happy leaving you to care for his daughter when you allowed it. Not so worried about the sanctity of 'family time' then, was he? 🙄) It does feel like he just doesn't like being left alone with his daughter for the day.

I'd be reconsidering all aspects of my relationship with this man. If you want to stay together, you'll have to negotiate so that you get enough time with your family without him complaining. (Btw, he's a jerk for suggesting that you shouldn't need the support of your family/friends or want to visit them often, when possible. That was just a nasty thing to say.)

So true!
Run 🚩🚩🚩

OP you work long hours , look after his child during evenings to facilitate his hobbies / socialising, and he begrudges you one day a week to see your own friends / have hobbies of your own. You've given up your life to be his live in nanny.