Apologies in advance : this is painfully long.
'D'h and I have been married for 10 years, together for 20. 2 children. On paper he's the perfect husband - provides, loves us all, and does his share ( albeit thinking it makes him utterly a hero)
Basically in 2020 I woke up in the middle of the night to discover him having sex with me ( actual penetrative). I lay there , possibly frozen, in shock. He wasnt trying to wake me up, he was very careful to stop as soon as my breathing changed or anything . I lost my shit - explained to him thst it was rape and thst for me it was a leaving offense ( I grew up witnessing extremr domestic violence and was adamant id never accept it). He said all of the right things , and it didn't happen again ( thst i was aware of ) for years. In 2023 I woke up to find it happening again. Went nuclear , tried and failed to leave . He minimises , tells me that he cant help it, hes not aware of what he's doing. It's my fault because we dont/ didn't have sex.
I just need some people in my corner please. Im starting to feel crazy. He doesn't think its that bad, cant promise he won't do it again. I cant live like this .