to be sick of grown adults acting like we’re in high school?

This friendship group is not making you happy so why are you persevering with it? Life is too short. I’d rather be on my own than feel “less than” every time we meet up.

Trust me, you need to step away from this group. It won’t change. You’re not imagining it, believe your gut instinct when it comes to how people speak to you and how they are around you. There are women out there that I think enjoy leaving people out and making them aware of it. They might’ve been jealous of you at some point and it’s a control/power thing. Who knows the reason, but it’s affecting your self esteem, so I’d just leave them to it personally. You don’t need them in your life.

Laugh at her and say “how old are you?!!” “Jeez grow up!”

What’s weird is that it seems to matter to her that you know she’s done these things. I should make it clear that YDGIF then grey rock her.

They are enjoying it.
Steer clear of them. As others have said, they really are not your friends.
And it is very juvenile behaviour yes.

Do you actually like any of the people in the group? Or is it a group that you've just ended up in a new place and then stick with for a social life?

If the answer, is, 'no not really' then back away. It doens't have to be dramatic, just ease up on the meet ups and don't be too quick to say yes. Then use the time gained to experiment with classes/hobbies etc to try and build up some genuine friends. This can take some time, but it does work. Maybe also book in some visits to the friends who live further way to boost you in the meantime.

If you genuinely like any of them individually and - choose carefully here, avoid flakey inconsistent people - then try and build the one on one relationships and worry less about the group. Again, patience might be needed, it takes time to make an old friend.

I do hear you. I struggled in adolesence, fared better at uni and later on, but those early teen years left a strong imprint. I was particularly sensitive about group dynamics, but at the same time too ready to attach myself to groups just to have a sense of belonging to something.

It's also quite hard in your 20s in some ways. It can feel like people expect you to be off living your best life with your gang, but if you're in a new place, friends are dispersed, plus some settling down/other not yet, it's not always that straightforward.

Give your younger self a hug and reassure her, think carefully about this group (as above), be ready to experiment with new hobbies/meet-ups, and make peace with the worst case scenario. So, think about what your main worry is of not being in the group. E.g. weekends with no plans and feeling lonely, what else can you do with the time? If you can tackle that you'll be less inclined to hang onto a group that isn't good for you.

Good luck!

It’s probably not even intentional. For more people than you realise secondary school is when they reach their peak intellectual and emotional level. Some just get ‘stuck’ there. If ever I identify this in someone I tend to distance myself.

I think you need to take control of the situation, when people show you who they are then believe them. You can't really change them. Either - let it wash over you, so they see each other at different times and want to talk about it - who cares, it happens and groups don't all always hang out together. Or, call it out and tell them it is upsetting you Or it bothers you, theyre still doing it, so stop hanging out with them.

You can't control their behaviour, only what you do about it. If you stop seeing them, you'd have time to pick up a new hobby or class to meet some new people etc. Generally speaking, most people just don't think about other people very much, they mainly think about themselves. So the idea they genuinely go "oh let's have lunch, not invite OP and then we can bring it up in front of her tomorrow at drinks" seems unlikely to me, it seems more likely they forget to invite you and are a bit insensitive so discuss it around you. It wouldn't bother me at all, people do hang out together without me and tell me the gossip when they see me - I think that's fairly normal. However, if you feel it's mean or don't like it then change things.

If you don’t change something then nothing will change. You can’t make them nicer people, you can only change what you do.

Next time they are telling you something to hurt you, ask them “what ARE you doing?”

They will be all “what do you mean?”

Carry on with “seriously, what are you doing, what is this?”

They will be confused a say something like “I was just talking about the what happened at lunch last week?”

The look them in the eye and say “why? Why are you telling me about lunch last week?”

Whatever they say next look at them, roll your eyes/shake your head and walk away without saying anything more.

With people like this, if you make fair accusations towards them they will gaslight you and try to suggest you’re sensitive and they are being normal. Don’t start a heartfelt intervention over this.

The fact is, they are telling you stuff you don’t need to know, so it’s fair to ask what they are doing, why they are telling you this stuff. They won’t tell you the real reason, maybe they aren’t consciously aware of it themselves. But acting like whatever they say is an unlikely answer with a head shake, but not getting into drama, shows that you are onto them but are above it. Think Miranda in Devil Wears Prada

These are not your friends. You may have known these ladies for years but it is time to break ties. There doesn’t need to be a dramatic falling out, just stop meeting up and mute any messaging apps. You mention you have a best friend outside of this group. Spend time with her, perhaps you can both get a new hobby which will allow you to expand your social circle.

I’d back off, don’t arrange anything. Go if they invite you and it suits you x

OP when you do see them have they incited you or is that self-invited?

Why exactly are you friends with them? Have they got any redeeming qualities? Focus on this.

Personally life’s too short for people like this.

You’re the scape goat of the group. LEaVE you deserve more 🩷

If you’re feeling like this there’s a reason. I’ve started trying to trust my gut after years of trying to please those who seem to make their life’s work all about keeping themselves up by making others feel insecure. Start just saying you’re rushing off if you get into conversation and then make an exit. ‘So much to do’ ‘Crikey is that the time?’ ‘must go’ etc. Then also for the winter get a coat with a big F off hood 😆 I love mine for avoiding. I’m not in a clique of mums. I never wanted in one or on WhatsApp for lots of reasons. My son misses out but he seems ok and unaware of a the get togethers, birthday parties etc. Apart from one mum, who on a night out where I was the outsider, actually arrived and closed the circle of mums on me, everyone else is ok. By removing yourself from the situation, you’re always in control. Then all of a sudden that person will have lost a hold of you. To note, that one mum a few weeks ago had approached while I talking to a friend, looked me up and down and cut across the conversation completely. I took it as a cue to leave, hugged my friend and left.

I’d put it up to them. Nicely. Just ask have you offended them in some way as they seem to be making arrangements and excluding you. Their response will tell you all you need to know.

When my eldest son, who is now 13, started primary school in Reception class, I became friendly with some of the primary school mums. Very VERY soon, even within a year, some were meeting up and making a point of leaving others out etc. I backed myself out of that group ASAP. The clique soon separated. We were mostly in our 30s at the time and I was like, I’m too old and self assured to be around that stupid nonsense!

Isn't this something that used to be called Wendy-ing on here? Look it up, it sounds really familiar.

Eh...the vast majority of people ( but not everyone) is like this, because they haven't actually matured/ developed emotional maturity despite getting on in years.
When people don't grow emotionally they stagnate, or go backwards.

Society has encouraged people to avoid reality and consume. Consumption based on aspirational ideas around youth/sex/freedom - that its possible buy your way into these idealised lifestyles if you grind

People have largely ignored loneliness, illness, physical and mental, aging, pain and death as for ' other people'

Ignoring life lessions and milestones
Leaves people circling through drama cycles and repeating high school level interactions - they probably think their 'care free and living In the moment '

But they're probably shallow as they avoid personal growth, and would hold you back....they probably don't get out of their comfort zone and their safe zone is talking shit about others

Having someone usurp your whole friendship circle and cut you out is no small thing, it would be a trauma that's held In the body.

It happens quite frequently as a phenomenal

But also points to your probably carrying that trauma from when you were 14 and it's come up again so you can do stuff differently

Totally understand what you are saying. I never understood what people meant when they said a school is "cliquey", but I've recently found myself in a school mums group which is ridiculous. One "friend" in particular keeps setting up new what's app and messenger groups, leaving out just one or two people each time. She will then organise a lunch or event, and post us all smiling on social media, knowing those who haven't been invited will see the posts, and they used to be her "in crowd." I hate it and I'm too old for this shit! Plus, you always know that one day you will be the one being excluded. I went to a girls school in high school and even there experienced much less of this rubbish. I'm thinking of just withdrawing from the whole set because it makes me so uncomfortable, but it's not so easy to escape now.

It does sound deliberate from what you've said. Is there a single one who seems nicer that you could keep in touch with and lose the others?

It does sound rather childish - how old are you and the people in this group?