AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

Double dipping with a used fork is way more problematic. Any morsels of “meat” would be absolutely minuscule, probably non existent. A fork having been in someone’s mouth is wiped clean of food debris. This is why they thought you were being precious.

But it doesn’t matter that the restaurant might not care. The issue here is that members of her own family have made it very clear that they definitely don’t!

The irony is that, if OP had posted “AIBU to think my in-laws are wrong to use forks that have already been in their mouths in shared dishes when I’ve put serving spoons out?”, the response would universally be “Eeeww, yes - that’s disgusting!! Never invite them over for takeaway again!! 🤮”

Yet throw veganism into the mix, and suddenly OP is somehow “precious” for not wanting to eat other people’s spit.

This is a ridiculous “argument”.

Why should OP be understanding that they don’t care? Surely if they don’t care either way, it’s more important that they’re understanding towards the OP, who DOES care?

My DH is vegetarian and he has his own cooker, own microwave, all his own utensils and own sections in fridge.

Oh diddums. Did someone having a different opinion to you scare you so much you felt obliged to get in a personal attack? Or is there some other reason you are unable to accept that people can see things differently?

If I lacked social awareness I wouldn't know that the done thing was to accept it and I wouldn't have said that I would have accepted it too. I understand that there are things people don't like, don't agree with, find abhorrent or don't want to do. Nevertheless, it can be tiresome when someone allows their dislike of some thing to put costs on others when it has no actual impact on their material wellbeing, though I accept their right to feel the way they do and will generally tolerate it and accommodate.

What, exactly, is thick or lacking in social awareness or understanding about that?

You accuse other people of bigotry - but you're the one displaying bigotry here.

As a meat eater, I would never contaminate a vegan or vegetarian dish with my meat utensils. A serving spoon popped into every dish and used only for that dish should sort the problem out. You're not being at all unreasonable to expect people to respect that.

I'm vegan and live with 3 meat eaters, we keep utensils separate. They're clearly not respectful! It isn't hard to keep them separate

I would have told them to keep the fuck away from my vegetarian food, cheeky fuckers

I am a lifelong meat eater and veganism isnt my cup of tea (with or without oat milk) but I wouldn't dream of putting my meaty utensil in your food!

Likewise, I wouldn't want someone else's fishy utensil in my dinner as I really don't like fishy stuff and it could spoil the taste for me.

It's common courtesy and respect not to do this, surely?

Veganism isn't better for animal welfare - veganism taken up wholesale means that domestic animals such as cows, sheep, chickens etc are no longer necessary so they will have to be put down, since you can't have wild cows running around (they are huge and dangerous esp if with a calf) or wild pigs. The chickens will probably be let loose and starve. Vegans generally don't do the jump from veganism being environmentally friendly to what happens about domestic animals.
That said, the OP's original point about mixing up the spoons is valid and people who think this is rude are rude.

Here, here. If I am at an arty fayre, trust fund hippy market traders bullshit type place that I quite like, if the vegan chocolate samples are nice, I’ll get my brother in law some.
Fair play to vegans. The moaning meat spoons bastards can go suck on a sausage.

I’m not vegan but totally get what you are saying.

I am fussy about buffets and things because I can’t trust people to have clean hands touching food and then I might eat it.

Equally I cannot eat anything that someone has touched with their fork - eg when we have food in the middle of the table I always put at least one serving spoon in each bowl - if someone would for example use their eating fork to take another potato I would not take another - I know others don’t mind but I can’t get my head around eating from bowl where someone has used a utensil they have eaten from.

What they did was rude even if you hadn’t asked them not too…. Having asked them and they still ignored you was really rude.

Next time I’d maybe either keep your own food - or take all you want before anyone else gets to take any maybe ?

But you definitely weren’t in the wrong.

I bet they always make a bit of a fuss and are always moaning about something, OP.
They sound so unreasonable, it’s like they were waiting for something like this to happen so they could justify being awful about someone or something.
It’s not you, it’s them x

I have a thing about spoons and dishes (or any utensil that might go in someone's mouth) so I put spoons in each dish and if some were vegan I would police that, just as I do by reminding everyone 'no double dipping'. It's rude to stick a spoon from a meat dish into a vegetarian dish. Your family member has awful manners.

YANBU - of course you don’t want meat in your food . I’m not a vegan but totally understand your viewpoint .
Why can’t people just respect someone else’s choices ffs, it’s not that difficult is it ?

OMG I'm sorry to hear this pathetic behaviour is still happening today! I used to get told, if I put a steak in front of you you'd eat it.

Utterly disrespectful.

Next time just keep your food to yourself.

YANBU.

I eat meat but c'mon, vegans are right.
It's better for the environment and of course for animal welfare.
I commend vegans and wish I was a stronger person.

I don’t know if it’s because I work in healthcare or if I’m just a decent person reading these responses… but I’d genuinely always treat any dietary requirements with the same caution as food intolerances and allergies. Just because someone has different dietary requirements through choice rather than allergy doesn’t mean they should be treated with such lack of regard. It’s just human decent imo to be respectful

I would keep your food just for you. They got the benefit of trying your food but you got zero benefit, especially when they were not polite about not using a meat fork.

I'm an absolute carnivore but would not dream of using my fork to take food from a vegan dish. It's not exactly a huge ask, just common courtesy.

To be honest the thought of someone using their fork in my food makes me feel a bit ick anyway.

They really were and dont comprimise and allow them to share your dishes
When you cant share theirs
I get it as a meat eater its a shame others cant

I know they will but the kitchen still has meat and dairy nearby. If I was vegan I wouldn't eat from an Indian restaurant that sells meat. I don't know why jesus has to cry about it?