AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

YABU There is always a weird amount of rage around vegetarian and veganism. The same with food intolerances I find.

Not unreasonable at all!

Being vegan is one of the beliefs that is protected by law.

Would they act so blasé about allergies?!

In what way is it spot on? How is what I wrote lacking in social awareness? what is it ignorant of? And what, exactly, do you mean by "thick" in this context?

It is a cost. A cost in thinking and policing your actions to fit in with one persons desire for how things should work. It's obviously not a drastic cost, but it's still a change in behaviour that she's demanding solely for her own image of herself.

Surely if guests are wanting to try others food they would use a clean folk/spoon?

For me it’s not even about carnivores or veggies.
I wouldn’t dream of sticking my used cutlery in someone else’s food.

When did she lecture anyone? She simply asked them not to use meaty utensils in the vegan food which is fair and makes sense. Would you use cut up a pepperoni pizza then use the same uncleaned roller on a kosher one for a Jew? Like come on, it’s just basic courtesy.

OP, next time take your fork, wipe it down your buttcrack and stick it back into one of their meat dishes. Then smile and tell them they’re being precious.

That's the dumbest statement I've heard in years (and I speak as a farmer)

We don't eat crows, swallows, sparrows etc, nor insects....

I haven't noticed their absence though.

Would there be a lot fewer cows, sheep, chicken and pigs in the world? Sure. But it's not like we would suddenly slaughter every one. Just slowly breed fewer.

And those that remained would have more natural living conditions.

Whether they'd be happier is anyone's guess but that's the trade-off between being free and wild versus being either a pet or a valuable foodstuff.

Whether they agree with you or not it’s basic manners to treat someone’s food in the way they want it to be at zero cost to themselves. I dislike the vegan purity thing, as I think it’s self indulgent rather than ‘animals first’ and makes vegans look fussy and petty (PETA do - or did have the same view). A vegan in our office made a big spoilt deal of binning a cup of tea that had been absent mindedly stirred with the same spoon as the dairy milk drinks - people would have understood if it was an allergy. If you eat manufactured foods that “may contain” animal ingredients you have already pragmatically accepted cross contamination.

Actually I wouldn’t want people using their forks, food going to mouth, then same fork going into another dish. And others doing likewise.
Serving spoons for each dish . Put it on your plate , eat with your individual cutlery.

It’s different in terms of level of importance - but it comes from the same root. People are rude, thoughtless and selfish. Which is the main reason living with allergies is such a fucking ballache. You can’t trust people to care about anyone but themselves - as the OP’s experience shows

You think not swapping spoons around (which is a strange thing to do with spoons that have already been used and not as commonplace as you seem to think) at a meal someone else is hosting is ‘a cost that it's reasonable to acknowledge’?

Are you quite well?

OP, my kids have allergies and you wouldn’t believe the fuss that people make about the tiniest adjustments just to keep them safe. People are selfish arseholes. You didn’t do anything wrong.

It was no more work at all for anyone (except perhaps the OP). She bought the food and provided serving spoons for each dish, the guests just didn’t want to use them. They got shirty because they wanted to use their forks in everything.

At a busy dining table I'll often swap spoons around if multiple people are going after the same dish. It speeds up serving. It's not a huge deal not to, but it is a cost that it's reasonable to acknowledge.

I have voted YANBU because a few extra spoons isn't really a lot of work. And they were definitely unreasonable to go on about it. I do the same if I have veggies as guests.

However I do find it frustrating when cooking etc as it makes extra work and washing up if I'm having to wash stuff up, plate separately just to prevent a tiny amount of 'contamination'. It's veering into worrying overly about purity of food etc. I've one friend who is veggie for environmental reasons and I likely wouldn't bother because less use of resources fits more with her ethics. Others would be upset so I do bother.

Because I wanted to make that comparison! Make your own comments to a post and stop nit picking on other contributors!

Nevertheless, it can be tiresome when someone allows their dislike of some thing to put costs on others

Costs like…using the serving spoons provided and not double dipping into the dishes someone has kindly bought for you? Diddums, indeed. I think that poster’s summation of you was pretty spot on.

Domesticated animals would likely fall prey to wild animals, I think, if suddenly let loose to fend for themselves. 🤔

Wow! Even his own microwave! I have utensils that are only to be used for vegetarian meals (live with 3 meat eaters) but sadly our fridge don't allow for private sections and dh would think I'm nuts if I went to buy my own microwave😅. He always uses the protective lid and I clean it /wipe it out everyday. How does your dh eat out/ at friends'? Does he bring his utensils and microwave?

Separate serving things that are colour coded here, no vegans but we do have a couple of veggies in the wider family so make sure to respect their food.

Yes. They are disrespectful a-holes.
I had a vegan co-worker. Any time I organized a pot-luck luncheon or ordered food in for our work group I ensured there was a nice selection of vegan dishes and always asked her to go get her food first so she wouldn't have to worry about non-vegan food getting into the vegan food. It was so easy to just be respectful. We ended up having a very nice work friendship as a result, too.

I just think what a sad life these people must live to have such an issue with it they make comments all night.

i think your request was completely fine and such a minor request I wouldn’t have thought twice about adhering.

When I was veggie I didn’t want ‘meat’ utensils to serve veggie food. They were wrong

So if cows only exist to allow people to eat them… why would it matter if there weren’t any cows? Surely if we all went vegan, the lack of cows would be very much a non-issue?

It really isn’t. If we didn’t eat cows, there wouldn’t be cows. Except a few on those god awful petting zoo/farm places they have, which isn’t very good for cows either. They would become an endangered species.

Veganism comes from a place of privilege, in a nation that has never ever had to worry about food security. Dairy and meat farming is by far the most efficient and reliable way to feed a nation all year round, it is less vulnerable to things like severe weather events, and requires far less in terms of chemical intervention.

The reality is, we need a mix of both to keep the nation properly fed.