AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

If your emotional wellbeing is so fragile that other people not being concerned about your self-imposed dietary restriction harms you - you really need to be working on that. You can't expect the world to revolve around you.

The reasons someone chooses a not medically necessary dietary restriction aren't really relevant to that. And my default assumptions about reasons people choose them do not normally include intentional annoyance or self-righteousness.

She definitely does.

I haven't said I would double dip if I wasn't explicitly asked not to. You are making up a strawman to have something to argue against.

Me: Costs like…using the serving spoons provided and not double dipping into the dishes someone has kindly bought for you?

You: It is a cost. A cost in thinking and policing your actions to fit in with one persons desire for how things should work. It's obviously not a drastic cost, but it's still a change in behaviour that she's demanding solely for her own image of herself.

🙄

I suspect a LOT of people find you tiresome and annoying.

I have been vegetarian for over 30 years. My body's just not used to the animal fats now & it can make me rather ill. Roast potatoes cooked in worh the meat will give me D & V, so it a health issue to

S Indian and Gujarati food is generally completely veggie / vegan anyway .

I can't imagine anyone being so rude as to make a fuss as a guest about being asked to use different spoons for each dish. It's completely normal to keep vegan and veggie food separate on BBQs and serving plates etc, and the idea of a guest having an extended go at the host...well, I would be telling them to sort out their attitude if they want to come again.

But definitely put a serving spoon in each dish and don't let anyone help themselves to your food.

It's normal, IME to share dishes as part of an Indian meal - but with respect.

But having to eat with your relative would put me off my dinner, anyway.

How is it OTT to not want food you don't eat mixed into your meal?

All I've said is that I find people making a big deal about what they will and won't eat when it has no impact on their physical wellbeing tiresome and a bit annoying.

What about our emotional wellbeing @ClayPotaLot?

Do you think we choose not to eat meat just to be annoying and self-righteous?

I stick to social expectations. All I've said is that I find people making a big deal about what they will and won't eat when it has no impact on their physical wellbeing tiresome and a bit annoying.

Like your posts.

I suspect that vegetarians and vegans find you tiresome and annoying.

Seriously, why do you find it so difficult to abide by or respect other people's dietary requirements? It really, really isn't difficult.

And there really is no "cost" involved. It isn't hard to just use a different serving spoon for each dish.

My thoughts exactly. They're bullies and need to be put in their place.

I haven't said I would double dip if I wasn't explicitly asked not to. You are making up a strawman to have something to argue against. So no. Not spot on.

I stick to social expectations. All I've said is that I find people making a big deal about what they will and won't eat when it has no impact on their physical wellbeing tiresome and a bit annoying.

No double dipping is a common social norm but also something that is frequently not stuck to amoung family and close friends. I stick to whatever is appears to be the consensus for the group I'm with and I accommodate dietary requests whenever I'm able to, regardless of what I think of them.

Oh my word, I cannot believe some of these responses. I am a meat eater and I would totally respect your request. The fact that others think you should be ok to eat meat traces is bonkers. I believe some people see the reference to vegan and think you're going to start preaching to them and try and convert them to veganism and reprimand their food choices. The fact you paid for the food and allowed meat options in your house is respectful to their preferences. You shouldn't have had to ask them to stop dipping their own forks into your food. Who wants their germs in your food regardless?! They were rude and disrespectful

Oh you wouldn't believe the amount of meat eaters who start questioning me about my choices, and then when I answer with honesty and fact they get all defensive. Groups are the best, you get people pointing at their canines comparing themselves to lions. No smugness about me not desiring to eat animals.

Of course @TakeawayRow guests were rude and unreasonable. It is a perfectly reasonable request.

Family should understand and respect your lifestyle choice.
They should care about what matters to you.
Its a piece of piss to use the provided utensils in the way asked .
The only reason to make a fuss about it or refuse to do it is to be a dick.

Allergies are not a lifestyle choice so you can’t compare

I am struck by the entitlement of the other family members, insisting that they get to share food you specifically ordered specifically for yourself. Op wasn't able to share what has been provided for them. I was vegetarian for years and so often I have been at a buffet where people hoover up the vegetarian or gluten free options, whilst also piling their plate up with meat. It is greedy. Keep you meaty mitts off!

He is very strict. He buys fake leather shoes and belts that cost a bomb from Brighton. He pays 3 x more for fake leather shoes than I pay for leather ones. When we eat out we eat mostly Italian and use same restaurant where they keep utensils and pans for non meat. We have a lot of veggie friends who would not serve him food cooked on pans that have had meat on them. It's really not bother at all. You just get o to the routine. He has his own BBQ too.

Ignore the minority. They are just showing themselves up with their ignorance and stupidity.

While I am not vegetarian, we have two vegetarians and two vegans in the family, and when I cater for them I just make the entire meal vegan or vegetarian. It isn't difficult. We all like good food and don't miss the meat if cooking vegan/vegetarian meals.

BTW, there was a discussion a while back about Ottolenghi's confit tandoori chickpeas on here and it got the universal thumbs up and I can wholeheartedly recommend it. Here is the recipe:

https://ottolenghi.co.uk/pages/recipes/confit-tandoori-chickpeas

I use half the amount of oil and less chilli, but it is vegetarian DD's favourite dish and my favourite vegan dish. Just use non dairy yogurt for the accompaniment to make it vegan.

And this is the issue. Op hadn’t done this had she? So you are irritated at the op for something another person may have done to you.

op a lot of people don’t like vegans and think it’s a ridiculous and affected thing to do - so you can be as polite as you want but you’ll get people’s ire as they hate it. They aren’t reacting to how you asked or what you said they are reacting to their dislike of the concept.

Your guests are just feeling guilty, OP, which is why they kept on being snarky.

It's just basic politeness, hygiene and respect for food: you don't use your (saliva-bedecked) fork to taste other people's food; you don't risk contaminating a particular taste (pork in coriander) with a spiced vegetable curry (and more seriously for those affected, introducing allergen traces), and you respect your host's reasonable wishes.

You’re making a lot of assumptions. I doubt there’s an epidemic of takeaways dipping used utensils willy-nilly.

But even so, you’re missing the point. OP being prepared to take the risk with a takeaway when she can’t know either way is a world away from her guests actively, deliberately reusing utensils used in meat dishes, specifically against her wishes.

It’s against trading standards and the Food Safety Act to advertise and sell food as vegetarian when it patently isn’t.

I assume knives get washed. Or do they go away dirty and come back dirty?

Aubr you should've read all the posts ( or even the last few) then you'd have seen I acknowledged that less than 20 mins ago. Touche