AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

but essentially it’s in you head

@Peony1985 what does this mean?

I'm a vegan, please can you explain what you mean?

😅 manky pasteurised! Jfc

It would normally be considered poor form if people use their personal eating fork to take from a shared buffet style selection regardless if it was a vegan concern or not.

as long as there was a serving utensil for each dish on offer, then I don’t see why a personal used fork should be near the self serve area to begin with 🤷‍♀️

You were not remotely unreasonable.
im vegan, my husband is not. If he makes a cuppa he knows to stir mine before his so he doesn’t put cows milk in mine. It’s very basic, it costs nothing and there’s no reason to react the way they did.
other than guilt .

So, you decided to be tiresome online instead. Sensible.

Bless them. Bunch of ignorant morons. Of course it's a normal thing not to mess with veg/vegan food. Tell them off and not to touch when you see them again.

Jeez, you do like to make up your own narrative don't you? @ClayPotaLot

It’s totally normal not to use meaty serving spoons for veggie food. Your family were disrespectful.

I have a lot of veggie friends and family and we even have a separate little bbq to do veg stuff on.

I’m a vegan, but even if you were all meat eaters, I’d consider it rude to use the same utensils in different dishes. Some people might not want to mix them all.

I’m vegetarian (mostly vegan at this stage) for over 30 years and I am so sick of this crap. I feel for you OP. Those people are likely people who hate vegans and are always complaining about them.

Is it too much to ask to not have some comment/dig when eating a meal. I just want to eat my meals in peace - I never comment on other people’s food - it’s highly disrespectful.

i wouldn’t share. You can’t eat anyone else’s food, so you will be left with the smallest portion if anyone takes a bit of yours. I wouldn’t care if people thought I was being anti-social. So so tired of it all.

Totally agree. Most of us don't want to start 'preaching' because we just want to get on and enjoy our food like everyone else. However meat eaters frequently become inquisitorial as soon as they discover you are vegan and suddenly you find yourself being forced to justify your choices. When you do you then get accused of 'preaching' because you've answered the questions you didn't want put to you in the first place 😂

I can’t believe that you’re doubting whether asking for separate utensils is out of order!

Who is lecturing? The woman just doesn't want to get a piece of meat in her vegan food. Perfectly reasonable. No-one has even mentioned 'lecturing' anyone.

Preachy vegans are purely fictional. Like people who tell you they went to Oxford just after they say hello.

I find it mad that everyone seems to know these preachy vegans. I haven't ever met one and I've been vegan almost 25 years. I have met a hell of a lot of preachy meat eaters. I've had bread and dripping waved in my face by a relative even. It's odd. I think also that it is a bit like those 'All lip fillers look terrible!' Claims.
No. All the ones you NOTICE look terrible, they're too big, hence you noticing them. Women who get their lips done in a way that's subtle and looks natural, from thin lips to slightly fuller ones, you cannot tell they have them.

Most vegans keep it quiet IME. Like you, I am quiet about it until it become relevant (restaurants, if invited to someone's house for dinner, if someone asks if I like a certain dish). People who think 'All vegans are preachy' have most likely had vegans in their outer social circle, colleague group or such that they wouldn't even know about, and just only remember the one time they saw a vegan who was slightly more open about it, or came across one on social media or whatever.

I've known people for years who don't know I am vegan, find out from someone else and express surprise, because their image of a vegan is a lentil weaving preaching emaciated hippie and not me, living alongside them in their 'normal' world, with my normal life and a bit of a belly!

But why precious? People who are vegan clearly have really strong ethical feelings about not eating meat and would probably feel disgusted to have done so accidentally. Would you say the same to a Muslim or Jew in relation to pork?

I ate meat for the majority of my life. I have never once had a vegan lecture me on my diet.
I have been vegan for 6 years. I don't mention it unless I have to (whisper to the server that could I please have the vegan pizza) say no thank you when I'm offered a non vegan thing without saying why etc.
Yet whenever I do have to, I can guarantee that someone will start with either "I hardly eat any meat myself BUT..." or "Oh I couldn't ever be vegan! All that disgusting food and don't you worry about your health...?"
Having sat on both sides of the table so to speak, it really isn't vegans that are the diet police.

You are not being unreasonable - I eat everything but I still don’t like takeaway food dishes ‘dripping’ into another one.

Sometimes you don’t want to eat a particular thing.

It’s so easy to use a dedicated serving spoon.

Are you saying they were using their personal forks that they’d been eating with and dipping them into the dishes, because that’s grim.

It is completely reasonable of you to want this. It does suggest that they don't respect you and your veganism and find it annoying.

I do note that every lecture I get about it being unhealthy comes from someone whose diet consists of fatty meat sandwiches, takeaways, fried food, alcohol and sugary products. When they tell me it is unhealthy I am always asking since when did they worry about health issues? It reminds me of the blokes who when a feminist issue is discussed (for example domestic violence) are all 'But what about the men who experience it?' When in reality they've likely never even thought about those men before that conversation. It's exasperating. And boring now.

OP you weren't being unreasonable. Even a slight taste of animal product would put me off eating the whole dish which is not fair. 'Can you please use a different' spoon is perfectly reasonable and no different to asking someone to take their shoes off, use the side door or turn the light off when they leave the bathroom. Absolutely fine IMO.

I do sympathise, I too have some twatty relatives. My Father told me not so long ago that my diet is appalling. We can ignore the fact that I only eat with him 2 or 3 times a year (so how on earth can he know what my diet is, to know it is 'appalling' anyway?) and look at the fact he's about 5 stone overweight, diabetic and has a diet consisting of meat, bread, cheese, chocolate and pints of beer and assume that he is not one to take health advice from!

I'm sorry OP, you sound very reasonable and it's completely understandable that you would use different utensils! I had a similar thing a few years ago, my daughter was allergic to dairy and eggs so I cut them out when breast feeding, I said I had the allergy to make it easier. Rang a take away and explained - but they put it in the box with dairy products! My brother told me I was overreacting and really upset me, I got an apology from him when his girlfriend told him he was being out of order!
Do not share food with them in the future!

What do you mean by "respect" here? I go along with people's wishes to avoid cross contamination or particular food stuffs to the extent that I am able.

Do you think the respect that people should have for other's is an agreement that what they do is necessarily good and worthwhile? That there is no way to tolerate beliefs but disagree with them? If so, how do you cope with differences of opinion in a pluralistic society?

"I did exactly that but people started using their own forks going from one to another instead of the ones I had put with each dish, which is when I asked they didn’t put meat forks in the vegan food."

That is vile, regardless of the vegan aspect.
I'd have stopped them from a hygiene POV.

Using the forks with which they'd been eating to snaffle bits from chafing dishes and others’ plates would repel me far more than meat contamination. Savages.

If I spent my time arguing like this at a group meal, I'm sure they would!