AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

If something is so trivial and unimportant in your eyes but it really matters to someone else and it requires fuck all effort from you, why on earth wouldn't you do it?

Thats what I don't understand.

There's lots of stuff i don't give a shit about but matters to people I care about, so I do it. Because how they feel matters to me and i am in no way harmed or disadvantaged by doing it.

@zingally it is perfectly safe for you to ingest cat food, in the small quantities that might cling to a utensil. By your own rationale you would be perfectly ok with your host scraping out the contents of a packet of whiskas and then using that spoon to serve your beef Bourguignon onto your plate.

After all there are a lot more important things happening in the world.

I have the maturity to understand that veganism is a dietary preference, and that it's simply not that serious.
There's a lot more important things happening in the world than, "Oh dear, Helen might be upset because Jane accidentally used the wrong tongs to touch her salad leaf!"
If ever there was a first world problem, that would be it.

Those members of your family were out of order and the other guests were just as bad letting them get away with such shitty behaviour.

Because you have to use a clean spoon? Really? You are the one who is precious I’m afraid.

Well, I'd be more concerned about their saliva getting on my food..! Just don't share, full stop. You can't eat their food so it isn't fair for you to share anyway. Not sure why you're socialising with them again, they sound like selfish, ignorant aholes.

I'm a carnivore. In no way would I think it acceptable to put my utensils in your vegan meal. Your family member is being VERY unreasonable.

OP said:

'Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.'

This behaviour was in OP's own home where she had paid for everyone's take away food. Why on earth would that chapter be closed when they continued to needle and insult OP all evening even after they had finished eating?

My solution would be for OP to never allow these people in her home again. Unfortunately, OP is nicer than me and will be hosing these people again soon. She certainly shouldn't pay for their food ever again. They are rude, ungrateful and utterly ignorant.

I felt a visceral revulsion at that.

Which is what vegetarians/vegan no doubt feel.

I have family members who don't eat certain foods due to religious reasons. They used to before becoming more involved with their religion. That's how they feel when offered ham or shellfish, despite eating them 20 years ago happily. I genuinely don't see the difference between honouring a person's beliefs due to religion and honouring them due to ethics. I never have seen the difference tbh.

That’s what she said OP
there may have been others there that were veggies or vegans that didn’t make a fuss about the utensils in their food.

When they took food from your plate, was this one person? Several persons? And you immediately told them to use the spoon provided? Then that chapter should be closed. Next time just tell them from the start of the meal.

I have told this story before, but when we lived overseas we had a housemaid. We invited her mother to stay and I asked her what dishes she liked to cook from her culture. She said, "well I do a good dog."

I was pretty shocked, tbh. I didn't imagine having someone who eats dogs in my life. Which is of course, very hypocritical. This planted a seed which ended up with us switching to a plant based diet a couple of years later.

Back to your story, OP and a question for those who think YWBU:

If someone was eating a dog dish with a fork, would you be happy for them to put their fork in your non-dog dish?

I'm not the one suggesting the discussion is tiresome on here. I'm happy to defend what I've said.

I am still unsure what you are referring to when you claim I have denied something I've said. You seemed to be referring to it in your 18:30 post, when you quoted me saying I haven't said I would double dip if I wasn't explicitly asked not to. but then you quoted me talking about the cost OP was putting on her guests (her guests, not me) and nothing to do with me saying that I would have to be asked. I assumed you got yourself confused.

If it's something else, please do enlighten me.

The whole argument about double dipping is a bit off topic, though, since OP, according to her post, didn't object to the double dipping as such, only the potential contamination of vegan food from utensil's that had been in meat dishes. If the spoons used to serve were swapped around there wouldn't be any double dipping and OP would still be upset. (And before you try to claim otherwise - no I wouldn't contaminate the vegan food with food from meat dishes if I realised it was an issue, even without being explicitly asked).

Some meat eaters always bang on about vegans 'lecturing' them.

In my 53 years i have never been lectured by a vegan and I certainly know plenty.

DH is vegetarian and it's perfectly straightforward to use separate utensils. It's an issue of basic respect.

Presumably yours was the only vegan dish. It would have been rude for anyone else to try it as you only had the one dish you could eat.

“He who pays the piper picks the tune”. I think you were well within your rights to make the request you did. Sounds like some of the people present may have form for acting obnoxiously. If so, I imagine they would have found something, ANYTHING, to act obnoxiously about regardless. I’ve been a vegetarian for 26 years or so. Many of my family have dipped in and out of vegetarianism/veganism over the decades, so perhaps have a greater respect for the “rules” than the general public. Even my meat/dairy eating family and friends have shown great respect over the years for alternative diets. That said, sometimes “these things happen”…but certainly not maliciously in my experience. As you were the host, guests should have shown particular respect to your request. In other settings, I personally wouldn’t get too upset by it. However, as I say, seems like these particular people were being unnecessarily obtuse. X

No twisting is required. The things you’re saying are just so patently stupid that you have to claim you haven’t said them.

learn how to just scroll on by

The irony. 😂

Not tiresome to you, it would seem, since you keep responding trying to twist what I’ve said. I assume it’s amusing you to some extent. If not you could probably do with a screen detox and learn how to just scroll on by.

You’re the one who posited the idea it would affect someone’s emotional wellbeing. If you have a different narrative for that, go ahead and explain it.

And what if allergies / religious beliefs were also involved? I am vegetarian, I don't ever try to 'impose' it on anyone else, I have never lectured anyone or been 'smug', & would even serve meat dishes to certain visitors, but do ask for separate utensils to be used. If they were aware of the OPs choice then they are being totally UR. (and the ones who poke a knife into the condiments, eg mustard etc, after using them on a 'corpse', are also totally UR). Luckily NONE of my friends or family think I am being 'precious', and respect my choices.

She didn't people wanted to try her food and she just asked them not to stick their meaty forks in

We get Indian a lot, we eat meat. We always use separate utensils to serve. So weird to hear people don't, especially with vegan food especially as you asked politely and especially considering it's your own family!

No one’s lecturing you - they are asking politely to respect them. It’s not that difficult. Why people think it’s acceptable to bully veggie and vegans for making an ethical choice - which they don’t have the strength to do - is beyond me.

people started using their own forks going from one to another

Hold on ... surely this is utterly unacceptable on simple hygiene grounds regardless of the vegan / meat issue? 🤢🤢🤢

I'm still on your side op, it's simple courtesy, and costs nothing, to use separate utensils for the vegan dishes.

On the subject of only ordering vegan dishes in future - that would bother me. I'd think it was rude and rather dictatorial. I'd probably order myself some spare ribs - but I'd be happy to keep them away from your food 😀

As a veggie this drives me mad. I’m not going to get struck down by lightining but I’ve made a choice. I don’t impose it. I just ask for respect. It’s exhausting.