AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

OP - my personal belief having been vegan for 10 years now, is that people who kick up a fuss about stuff like this (and those who call it “precious”!) do it because they are (perhaps subconsciously) guilty about their own meat eating. Obviously you were perfectly reasonable.

I’m vegan (technically veggie with lactose intolerance)

yes we keep vegan dishes separate.
even my 80 year old mum can understand this

It's rude anyway, because they're asking to have some of yours, but they know you can't have any of theirs. That's not fair in the first place.

Me too. I order what I want to eat and that’s it. Not an easy feat at some places nowadays when the server insisted on plonking it in the middle of the table. Easier for the server as don’t need to remember who ordered what!

I eat meat. I like vegetarian and vegan food too.

They are selfish twats.

Eat your dish and refuse to share next time because they can't be trusted to respect how you feel.

It's not the same but I feel the principle is similar to someone who has an allergy or a religious belief. Not being conscious of others food preferences is not ok.

As long as you aren't demanding they don't eat meat in front of you, it's all fine.

How rude and ignorant of your family member. I’m vegetarian and make sure there are utensils in every dish. I’ve never had the response you got.. they sound uneducated. It’s not rocket science to know a vegan is a vegan. I’ve had slip ups where someone’s talking and forgets to use the correct cutlery but if I point it out they always apologise.

I wouldn’t be getting another takeaway with those two.. and to make you feel bad for it bloody cheek!! I’d ask them for dinner and douse their’s in something they really hate.. tell them it won’t hurt them! Idiots.

Do you have to see the same family again later this month? They sound awful and very ungrateful if you paid for all their food yet they still felt obliged to be rude and childish to the point of not speaking to you. They wouldn't be welcome in my house.

And why are they delving into yours when you aren’t able to do the same!? That’s not fair!

What next, defending double dipping.

I’m definitely not a vegan. But no, that is completely understandable in my book - tbh I’d probably judge a vegan who WAS happy to risk animal products in their food far more! It obviously is something that means a lot to you and I would respect that.

Do you have to see these people again, and if so do you have to eat with them?

I'm veggie in meat eating household and separate utensils are expected or it just all feels contaminated. That sounds extreme but I can't think of a better word.

I don’t know why I’m shocked at the fucking bullshit on this thread directed at someone daring to be vegan.
I’m not even vegetarian and enjoy eating meat and I think these reactions are pathetic.
Calling the OP smug, awkward, fun sponge, precious for not wanting the spoons mixed. Absolute pricks.

God, people are so weird about this sometimes. OP just wanted to relax and enjoy her takeaway. She didn't even veto people trying her food, just asked them to use separate utensils. No argument about it making no difference to the animal if she gets a trace of meat in her dhal is going to persuade her that it's not wildly off-putting. She's not lecturing anybody.

I eat meat and I wouldn’t have any issue with this.
I would have an issue with someone’s dirty used fork going in my dinner though. Who even does that? Fucking mingers.
Anyway I don’t have this problem because I never ever share food. Can’t stand it. My food is mine. Hands off

I am not a fan of vegan diets, or lactose free. Unfortunatley I’m now in situation with adult children, relatives, and their partners of gluten free, lactose free, vegan, vegetarian and pescatarian, frankly it’s a pain in arsecto cook and shop for

BUT, I absolutely wouldn’t allow anyone I was hosting reach across with meat contaminated, dairy contaminated etc utensils and put them into the special diet dishes. More importantly none of them would becuase they’re not disrespectful ignoramous people, and they know not to cross contaminate. I have a couple of times over some years, accidentally contaminated when cooking and will always start again and put that in freezer etc for a spare dish for me

its about respect for that person. Even if we don’t agree with their choices always. Or their choices are a pain in the bum.

as someone else suggested, either refuse to share your own dishes (assuming they’ve not ordered vegan sides etc you want to try) or decant some of yours into a smaller sharing bowl

frankly, if they’re sticking their used forks direct into the dishes then that’s not nice either, unless you are very close to them 😬

Who is lecturing you? OP hasn't lectured anyone, she just wants them to stop putting the spoons used for meat dishes into her vegan food. It's just basic courtesy. Why anyone would object is beyond me.

YANBU
I mean, when we get a takeaway we serve it up each with its own spoon and people help themselves onto their plate. That way you don't get bits of madras in your korma or whatever. I'd never just stick my fork into a shared dish - yuck!

Regardless, it’s good behaviour to use the serving utensils for each dish and not mix them about amongst dishes.

Next time OP, can you put meat dishes on one counter and vegan on another table with space between. Just wonder if this would disincentive them a bit by requiring them to carry serving utensils about. Though if they’re double dipping with eating forks it won’t help.

In all honesty it’s a bit grim people are using their own forks in communal dishes! I’m veggie and no one has ever had a problem using different utensils but i haven’t ever had to ask as it’s just common curtesy! Also as standard i’ve found people try mine last as they don’t want me not to have enough if they have all tried it and i cant try theirs. Again i don’t specially ask for this its just people being respectful

All the posters on this thread that think it’s okay to put a fork in their mouth then put it in shared food 🤮

DH is vegetarian and I am rigorous about using separate utensils. For a start it is a moral thing and i repsect that. But also, he has not eaten meat for so long that it is likely if he had any he would suffer consequences in his digestion. The last time he accidentally ate meat was more than 10 years ago when my mother thought chicken stock didn't count. He was not very well.

At the end of the day it's about respect. If anyone does not understand that then they should not expect to eat with you or be welcome at your table

Where’s the smugness with ‘please use a different spoon’?
There’s no lecturing or smugness, just a simple request.

I was going to suggest something like this, put as much on your plate as you are likely to eat then if they contaminate the remainder it’s not as bad. Selfish twats though. If it was me I would have to say I’m not sharing this time and keep it guarded!