Was this neighbour "entitled to say what he wants in his own garden?"

Reminds me of when I was on a train in Italy recently with my 12 year old. We are both bilingual English-French but only speak English together.

A couple of women opposite us were chatting away in Italian.

Next thing you know, they are going into detail about one woman's new boyfriend and how far they've gone in bed together. In French. Presumably so no one understands them. Except DS and I do 😳

I didn't know what to do as DS and I had spent the previous 30 minutes talking in English so it would be very strange to start speaking in French.

That was the subject of a court case some 40 years ago as I recall. A guy was wanking at a window in front of a bus queue. Some women complained to the police. He argued that he could do what he wanted in his own home. The judge found him guilty of indecent exposure.

This one was more recent: https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/tried-ask-sex-offender-crime-34058074

Do you have children? They might not understand - but they might - but they tend to repeat what they have heard i.e. 'daddy, what's fellatio?' in public. But noise to make sure neighbour knows he is overheard is probably better than shouting over the fence.

I think you can put your decking where it suits you. If you share walls you should remember they have ears and act accordingly.

I disagree with your DH-you need to be aware of who can hear you!

I worked in a school which has houses around the edge of the school field where children play in the summer. Often just sitting in little groups on the grass. The HT has had to speak to people in gardens before for things they were saying/doing in their own gardens which were not appropriate when they were that close to children!

Sound carries so no, it is not OK to have a clearly audible conversation of that kind within earshot of the neighbours, just as it would not be OK to have a highly racist conversation.

If he had continued after you warned him you could hear, it would be a criminal offence , Outraging public decency, which does not need to be in a public place but merely where the public, ie you, might hear or see it.

If the kids were older i'd have understood if she wanted to let him know they were all sitting there by talking loudly or scraping the chairs or something, but 3 and 5....they hardly understand the spoken word. Just start talking to your kids loudly and bashing their toys around. Performative nonesense from the friend IMO.

What about racism or homophobia? Can people sit in the garden expressing these views loudly?

The neighbour can say what he wants in his garden AND your kids have a right not to hear stuff.

Both can be true - it’s a balance.

In this case your friend was reasonable to call over. And the neighbour was clearly also fine with that as he moved away.

This is such a classic MN thread. The OP tells a funny story where everyone behaved perfectly sensibly and reasonably (I think your friend judged it perfectly with her comment). The OP's husband however was unreasonable in expecting the woman to do all the work of moving the kids.

Then we move to the comments. All start reasonable and agreeing with the OP then slowly the crazy folk move it and there are accusations of unreasonableness because of the layout of your friend's garden. FWIW, I think many if not most people with east or north facing gardens have a patio at the end of the garden to catch the evening sun. All our neighbours do and it's nice because garden noise is a bit further away from the houses in the evenings.

Then the poor man on the phone is accused of cheating on his wife despite the OP repeatedly saying that's not what was going on at all. Clearly these people need to RTFT.

Finally we get people starting to offer legal advice on the situation. Except they are all talking about 'yards' and 'neighbors' so obviously using US based AI to generate an answer.

😂😂😂👍, thanks for sharing

I’m a bit on the fence about this 😂😂😂

She did the right thing. He obviously didn't want his conversation overheard, so not saying anything would have allowed him to keep doing something he'd be embarrassed about! Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if he progressed to enjoying himself in more ways than just verbal...which would NOT be okay with kids around. Her husband is definitely being unreasonable!

She made light of it and wasn’t condemning/ critical. I think most people would want to know of a conversation could be overheard. Public decency and consideration don’t fly out of the window just because your sat behind a bot if hedge - I’m certain people would view it differently if it was racist, homophobic or similar abuse. The strange one is your husband who evidently isn’t remotely concerned at the thought if young children hearing a highly sexualised and very inappropriate conversation. Red flag.

And it never ceases to amaze me that some people don't realise others enjoy talking online and just want to share something funny!

Yeah, when you saw them, you could have been like "Oh, nice to see you're back from your trip. It's always such a relief to get back to sitting at your own table again, isn't it!"

I don’t see the issue. What this woman did is the equivalent of someone telling you that your skirt is in your underpants when leaving the bathroom. Yes, people can say and do what they want but if someone is unknowingly doing something socially inappropriate, then it is the polite thing to let them know.

🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣

Best thing I've seen on mumsnet! Poor fella, trying to do his best getting as far away from his kids and forgets about the neighbours! Like a dirty Frank Spencer 😂

I think he may get a kick about being overly loud about his wonderful sexual.prowess. Likes to broadcast the fact to the world.

He can obviously say what he wants in his own garden. But you had every right to ask him to lower his voice. I dont think young childten should haveel to listen to to idiot tossers like him

I can’t get over the woman’s dh who thinks his neighbour can say whatever he wants in his own garden but his wife can’t while out there with his kids playing. Could it be because one of them isn’t a man?

She has the right to announce there are children present, he has the right to talk about whatever he wants in his own garden 🤷🏼‍♀️

Actually, ignore my previous reply! I see it’s actually a fairly large garden. My point kind of still stands, because it’s probably still difficult to keep seating areas away from boundaries unless you have acres of land, but whatever…