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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not consider 21 a milestone birthday?

166 replies

DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 12:35

Do you consider 21 a milestone birthday?
DD is 21 soon, and many of her friends have already turned 21; none of them has had a party, and they have all just marked the birthday like any other... they all consider 18 the milestone coming-of-age birthday, and I would agree.

I'm old enough to remember my aunt turning 21 in 1969, before the voting age was lowered in 1970.

YANBU 21 is not a milestone
YABU 21 is still a milestone

OP posts:
Jk987 · 05/06/2026 13:42

You don’t have to treat it as milestone but you must know that it’s universally recognised as one!

Peterdottir · 05/06/2026 13:40

YANBU. It was still considered a milestone birthday when I was 21 in the early 90s.
When my DS turned 21 a few years ago he thought it was odd when I mentioned it being a thing whereas he did celebrate 18 as a milestone. So I think times have changed.

Screamingabdabz · 05/06/2026 13:36

If it wasn’t a big deal you wouldn’t see 21 cards and 21 gifts in shops. Of course it’s a big birthday.

Some people will find any excuse to minimise birthday celebrations because they’re miserable and cba to do anything for friends and family that would require effort or cost beyond a token Facebook post.

DappledThings · 05/06/2026 13:36

It's the age most people graduate from university. So like 18 it's often a birthday that coincides with a significant change in life and makes it still a milestone one.

I already hated all mention of my birthday well before 18 so didn't celebrate either 18 or 21 but at university all the 21sts were definitely seen as more significant than the 20ths

Ethelspagetti · 05/06/2026 13:35

I feel like 18 has replaced 21.

Lomonald · 05/06/2026 13:33

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/06/2026 13:30

It was when my friendship group were hitting that age, we had parties, bigger gifts etc (I'm 52)...there were lots of 21st related gifts available then too

Im also in my 50s, and i got 21 themed gifts.

FeliciaFancybottom · 05/06/2026 13:32

UniquePinkSwan · 05/06/2026 13:23

I don’t. They are already an adult so what’s to celebrate?

What a joyless attitude.

Lomonald · 05/06/2026 13:31

Turning 21 is symbolic and definitely a mile stone not everything has to have a "purpose" i gave my children jewellery for their 21st..I have never heard of it not being celebrated.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 05/06/2026 13:30

It was when my friendship group were hitting that age, we had parties, bigger gifts etc (I'm 52)...there were lots of 21st related gifts available then too

NearlyNewNonny · 05/06/2026 13:27

Definitely a milestone here. To me they are 18, 21 and 40, not any zero. Our DC each received (one will receive theirs next year), an heirloom (jewellery) and a significant gift on their 21st. None of them wanted parties.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 05/06/2026 13:27

It is a traditional milestone birthday, though that doesn't mean your DC have to see it that way or celebrate it differently to any other birthday.

I had a party for my 21st and not my 18th.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 05/06/2026 13:26

Sunnyyetnotsunny · 05/06/2026 13:00

As non Brit, can someone explain why 21 is big milestone, please? Like to a five year old🙈

Edited

Up until 1969, 21 was the age when you were officially an adult. It was changed to 18, but the 21 thing stuck.

IwantToDatePicard · 05/06/2026 13:24

This.

Marked with jewellery for DD and cufflinks for DS.

Monty36 · 05/06/2026 13:23

It should be 18 or 21 here. But not both ! One or the other.

UniquePinkSwan · 05/06/2026 13:23

I don’t. They are already an adult so what’s to celebrate?

Makingsenseofitall · 05/06/2026 13:12

This generation don’t have the same association with 21 as we had as it had been the age our parents came of age so they made it big for us. My kids are really not fussed by it (my dd turns 21 in a month or so).

TheKittenswithMittens · 05/06/2026 13:10

There is even a song :
She's twenty-one today
Twenty-one today
She's got the key of the door
Never been twenty-one before
Her father says she can do what she likes
So shout Hip Hip Hooray
For she's a jolly good fellow
Twenty-one today

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 05/06/2026 13:08

I think it's still culturally significant for historical reasons. But you don't have to make a big deal of it if you don't want to.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/06/2026 13:07

DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 13:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty

Appologies.
Yes, I do consider other birthdays to be milestones, but this thread was specifically about 21.

I was just curious of your opinion, it’s not a derailment. Anyway I shared my opinion that it’s a milestone, different to turning 18 I guess where something changes legally, but in terms of celebration it’s a milestone like 40, 70 etc. I realise it’s old fashioned legal use has gone now, but it’s just traditional I guess, although clearly not to everyone, maybe it’s dying out

Strawberriesandcaviar · 05/06/2026 13:03

We treated 21 as a milestone for our kids.

TheKittenswithMittens · 05/06/2026 13:02

21 used to be the age of maturity. The age at which one could vote, inherit property, make contracts, borrow money without a guarantor. Around 1970 it was lowered to 18.

Original poster
DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 13:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty

Appologies.
Yes, I do consider other birthdays to be milestones, but this thread was specifically about 21.

OP posts:
Sunnyyetnotsunny · 05/06/2026 13:00

As non Brit, can someone explain why 21 is big milestone, please? Like to a five year old🙈

TheKittenswithMittens · 05/06/2026 12:59

The Govt ought to be looking at raising the voting age to 21 not lowering it to 16.

Original poster
DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 12:58

SulkySeagull · 05/06/2026 12:37

Yes - it’s the key to the door! Very significant birthday.

But why? Surely that changed when 18 became the mark of coming of age.

I'm in my late 50s and didn't celebrate 21 as a special birthday. I'm finding the replies very interesting.

OP posts: